[BREAKING] Rockets Sign Stephon Marbury for Playoff Push

crossover · Apr 1, 2014

In a move to replace injured Patrick Beverley and stay competitive in the playoffs, the Rockets have signed former NBA All-Star guard Stephon Marbury. A 14-year NBA veteran, Marbury has spent the last few seasons playing in the Chinese Basketball Association, winning two titles with the Beijing Ducks.

"Signing Stephon fills both the gap left by the injury to Patrick Beverley and departure of Royce White," spoke Rockets GM Daryl Morey. "In making our decision, we needed a veteran PG and proven winner. Nothing says that like two CBA championships."

"I'm really excited," Harden told the associated press. "This is a guy that I remember patterning my game around when I was watching the NBA when I was 12."

While the signing puts the Rockets further over the salary cap, owner Les Alexander says it's completely worth it. "Marbury is a guy who actually appeals to Asian fans. Jeremy's OK but his religious fervor and hover hand in photos with females make him hard to market." Continuing in a cackling voice, "I mean, come on. The guy has a statue after one title in China. A freaking statue! All I have is a dirty bobblehead. Marbury is the equivalent of Rocky Balboa over there."

With NBA career averages of 18.4 PTS and 7.3 AST, Stephon Marbury's early NBA career elevated the status of the combo guard, a player who can run the point and score like a shooting guard. "People look at me and see Stevie Franchise," smiled Marbury. "I think that's accurate."

When asked about moving to Houston and his role with the Rockets, Marbury stated, "You know, it won't be easy. You won't believe how much **** I get at the KTVs and massage parlors here. I've gotten at least five STDs the World Health Organization didn't know existed."

"But I think it'll be ok," Marbury continues. "Harden has a stripper booty ho list that boggles the mind. The main thing is it'll take time to readjust to that the backcourt size again. You can't find that in China."

Marbury is expected to arrive in Houston and begin practicing with the team April 2nd.
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http://www.reuters.com/AP/sports/Rockets-Sign-Marbury-26082537

TheMystery008 · Apr 1, 2014

I just want it to end already!

Johndoe804 · Apr 1, 2014

Damn April Fools! Damn this day!

RV6 · Apr 1, 2014

These have been pretty bad today....i mean, PB isn't even out for the year...

Thefabman · Apr 1, 2014

Way too many of these threads.

DreaMac · Apr 1, 2014

coachbadlee · Apr 1, 2014

I hope posters are getting banned, rookified or something for this. This is ridiculous.

dragician · Apr 1, 2014

ITBL.

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[BREAKING] Rockets Sign Stephon Marbury for Playoff Push

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