1. Welcome! Please take a few seconds to create your free account to post threads, make some friends, remove a few ads while surfing and much more. ClutchFans has been bringing fans together to talk Houston Sports since 1996. Join us!

  2. Watching NBA Action
    Come join Clutch as we're watching NBA Play-In Tournament action live ...

    LIVE: NBA Playoffs!
    Dismiss Notice
Welcome LIVE NBA ACTION

Tell me if this sounds like someone you know

Discussion in 'Other Sports' started by wesnesked, Mar 24, 2005.

Tags:
  1. wesnesked

    wesnesked Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2002
    Messages:
    934
    Likes Received:
    11
    This is pretty funny, I think we all have a little of this in us, or know someone who does!


    http://www.thephatphree.com/feature...D=11&LayoutType=1&StoryMonth=3&StoryYear=2005


    Look at my button down striped shirt! F**king look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some p***y tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!

    My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!

    I figure we’ll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the **** out of that little white ball! It’s going to be so f**king loud! I’ll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 f**king yards tonight! I’m that ****ing pumped!

    I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I f**king love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I’m crushing one right now!

    I’m thinking about buying a boat this year!

    I’m gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his a*s! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I’ll scrub it out with his d**k and some bleach! I mean it!

    I’m gonna grind on girls a**es tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub my c**k against her so that she can feel my throbbing h*** on!


    Party Fuel
    I will valet tonight!

    I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to “Take it easy on the brakes, Champ”!

    I will talk to people I don’t know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I will call female bartenders “Babe” and male bartenders “Chief”!

    When I do not hook up with a girl at that club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks”! We will wait in a long line to go to another bar only to strike out again!

    I will give up and decide to order a gyro off of a street vendor! I will make fun of him to my friends for being foreign! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!

    I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two big girls who are also ordering gyros to coming back to my place for “after hours”! When they say no I will make fun of them for being fat! I will leave!

    When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!

    I will then go to my room and pass out! I will need some shut eye so that I’ll be ready to f**king party again tomorrow!
     
    #1 wesnesked, Mar 24, 2005
  2. AntiSonic

    AntiSonic Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 1999
    Messages:
    8,318
    Likes Received:
    56
    Great stuff!

    Reminds me of that Chapelle sketch

    "You think this is a game? It's dude's night --"
     
    #2 AntiSonic, Mar 24, 2005
  3. Harrisment

    Harrisment Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2001
    Messages:
    15,392
    Likes Received:
    2,157
    I saw that the other day, good stuff.
     
    #3 Harrisment, Mar 24, 2005
  4. MR. MEOWGI

    MR. MEOWGI Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2002
    Messages:
    14,382
    Likes Received:
    11
    making fun of golden tee is great.

    "I’m thinking about buying a boat this year! " - that was nicely slipped in too.

    He forgot imported beer and dmb.
     
    #4 MR. MEOWGI, Mar 24, 2005
  5. DanHiggsBeard

    DanHiggsBeard Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2003
    Messages:
    1,242
    Likes Received:
    0
    but not good imported beer...swill like Heineken or Amstel Light that people drink to pretend to be fancy.
     
    #5 DanHiggsBeard, Mar 24, 2005
  6. coma

    coma Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2001
    Messages:
    3,347
    Likes Received:
    10
    Don't forget the blazer and cufflinks. Oh yea, we can't forget the disheveled hair that took 30 minutes to get 'just right.'
     
    #6 coma, Mar 24, 2005
  7. Toast

    Toast Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2001
    Messages:
    3,755
    Likes Received:
    10
    The exclaimation points are golden.
     
    #7 Toast, Mar 24, 2005
  8. MR. MEOWGI

    MR. MEOWGI Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2002
    Messages:
    14,382
    Likes Received:
    11
    I dont get the first part, but the hair thing is very funny.
     
    #8 MR. MEOWGI, Mar 24, 2005
  9. JuanValdez

    JuanValdez Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 1999
    Messages:
    34,104
    Likes Received:
    13,481
    No, I don't know anyone like that.
     
    #9 JuanValdez, Mar 24, 2005
  10. coma

    coma Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2001
    Messages:
    3,347
    Likes Received:
    10
    Well, these days, a button down striped shirt does not complete the look for these guys. They deck out with a french cuff shirt, with bling-bling cuff links, and a blazer to match. Mind you it's freakin' hot in the clubs, but these guys insist on wearing that. I haven't met a single girl who doesn't find this pretentious.
     
    #10 coma, Mar 24, 2005
  11. mateo

    mateo Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2001
    Messages:
    5,953
    Likes Received:
    260
    I refuse to stereotype button down striped shirts. They are better than white or blue button down shirts. Whats wrong with some color?

    Everything else, very funny...although I havent seen a fight in a club or bar in like 4 years (thank god).
     
    #11 mateo, Mar 24, 2005
  12. peleincubus

    peleincubus Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2002
    Messages:
    25,396
    Likes Received:
    13,270
    i like heineken...:(
     
    #12 peleincubus, Mar 24, 2005
  13. SWTsig

    SWTsig Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Messages:
    13,935
    Likes Received:
    3,528
    Thank you!
     
    #13 SWTsig, Mar 24, 2005
  14. SwoLy-D

    SwoLy-D Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2001
    Messages:
    37,617
    Likes Received:
    1,448
    Read the comments back. They're hilarious as well... :D

    The VALET thing made me spray my coffee... from this morning...
     
    #14 SwoLy-D, Mar 24, 2005
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)

Share This Page

Toggle Width
Style
ClutchFans Original

  • About ClutchFans

    Since 1996, ClutchFans has been loud and proud covering the Houston Rockets, helping set an industry standard for team fan sites. The forums have been a home for Houston sports fans as well as basketball fanatics around the globe.

  • Rockets Content

  • Support ClutchFans!

    If you find that ClutchFans is a valuable resource for you, please consider becoming a Supporting Member. Supporting Members can upload photos and attachments directly to their posts, customize their user title and more. Gold Supporters see zero ads!


    Upgrade Now