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I need some advice

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by MexiMan1390, Jun 9, 2008.

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  1. MexiMan1390

    MexiMan1390 Member

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    okay well I was just looking to get some advice from other people and after reading some of the other threads I decided wth.

    I don't post much I mostly just visit the site to read bout the rox on the garm so you know I feel seriously bout this if I went out of my way to make a thread.

    so basically I met this girl about a year ago at my old job I had always thought she was a nice cute girl. over time we became good friends but the only problem is that I have more that just friendship feelings towards her. I haven't told her directly but she has made clear over and over again that she only wants to be friends and that has made it very difficult to be friends with her because of the feelings I have about her and at the same time I don't want to lose her friendship. Now recently io met one of her friends at a party and I became intersted in her. I considered possibly dating this girl instead but the problem is that she just happens to be one of the other girls best friends and I know that I'm still gonna have the same feelings for the other girl.

    Basically I don't know what to do I've talked to plenty of other people and now I'm just looking for some different advice. Thank you ahead of time.
     
  2. twhy77

    twhy77 Contributing Member

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    I've been down that path many a time in college. It sounds like she's just not that in to you. If you want to press it go ahead, it will either hurt the friendship or eventually turn into something. Some relationships like that just need time, and if you don't press it now it might become something down the line once she sees that you are a great guy (you could be an asshat though so don't bet on this one).
     
  3. MattM

    MattM Member

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    Just date her friend. It looks like you got stuck in the "friend zone" with the one you really like. Once your in the friend zone, you cannot get out unless a miracle happens - that's just how it is.

    If your dating her friend just to get the attention of who you really like, that won't work, because again, you're in the "friend zone."
     
  4. junglerules

    junglerules Member

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    Maybe giving the new girl a shot will help you get over the other girl....you won't move on anyway until times passes OR someone else catches your eye and/or heart. It's not as likely, but this first girl seeing you with one of her friends may make her change how she sees you, but I wouldn't go out with this other girls IN HOPE of it changing the mind of the first girl. In my experience, most of the time, a girl isn't going to change her mind about the "friends" thing and suddenly see you as a prospect for dating.

    Also, if it doesn't work out with the new girl, maybe it will convince you to stay away from that whole entire clique of friends! But I feel for you, dude. Being stuck in the friend zone blows, and it's hard being friends with someone you really like in that "special" way. Find a way to get over it, or give yourself some (permanent?) distance so you aren't in constant anguish.

    Oh, and by the way, I know nothing about women. I married the woman who didn't fit all the crazy rules and situations I've experienced in the past. The one I married told me she only wanted to go to a concert with me as friends when I asked her out. At the end of the night, she was kissing me, making me thoroughly confused in a pleasant way. :) That was September of '06, and we've been together ever since!
     
  5. Royals Ego

    Royals Ego Member

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    In before, "worthless without pics"
     
  6. Mulder

    Mulder Contributing Member

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  7. Hayesfan

    Hayesfan Contributing Member

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    If you are interested in her friend, then go for her. Just because the girl you originally liked is friends with the new girl doesn't mean she is off limits.

    The only way this would be wrong is if you were dating the new girl JUST to be around the original girl.

    That sounds sort of convoluted, but hopefully you understand what I mean.
     
  8. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Contributing Member

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    Just date the friend and see what happens. She might make you laugh at the fact that you ever had feelings for this other girl in the first place.
     
  9. MattM

    MattM Member

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    Just don't get stuck in the friend zone with the new girl
     
  10. Surfguy

    Surfguy Contributing Member

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    Threesome potential? :D
     
  11. Rocket River

    Rocket River Member

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    1. What do you get out of this 'friendship'?
    a. Joy and companionship
    b. the HOPE that maybe . . just maybe she will open her eyes and eventually see the REAL you
    c. pain of watching her date various losers and listening to it

    You have to assess the +'s versus the -'s
    and decide . . . Will the joy of being friends with her
    overpower the pain/confusing/frustration of watching her go through things
    with various other dudes etc. . . .


    Sam Kinneson - He had it right about Girl 'friends' - Google it!

    Rocket River
     
  12. macalu

    macalu Contributing Member

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    date the new girl. the old girl will see value in you when she realizes someone else is attracted to you. right now, the old girl only wants to be your friend b/c no one else seems to be interested in you.

    who knows, you may like the new girl even more and forget about the old. there's no such thing as friendship for you. you want to be with her. it's hard, but you have to let that "friendship" go.
     
  13. Vengeance

    Vengeance Contributing Member

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    I'm in a sort of similar situation right now, but Ladder Theory indicates that there is not much that we can do. We are screwed, MexiMan1390.
     
  14. tigermission1

    tigermission1 Contributing Member

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    Is she a MexiWoman? Because that would change everything...
     
  15. ClutchCityReturns

    ClutchCityReturns Contributing Member

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    The girl you liked at first is out of the question at this point in time because you are in the friend zone. Date her friend or date neither.

    If you date her friend, a few different things can happen...

    - You actually end up liking the friend and basically forget about the first girl.

    - Things don't work out, but somehow you become more desirable to the first girl in the process. (highly unlikely, as the friend zone is generally a dead end)

    - Things don't work out with the friend and you remain friends with the first girl. No harm done.

    - Things don't work out with the friend, and you kill your friendship with the first girl in the process.

    - Threesome.


    Most of those results are pretty good, so I'd go for the friend if I were you.
     
  16. Mulder

    Mulder Contributing Member

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    I think what tigermission is trying to say is...


    Hispanic?
     
  17. Rashmon

    Rashmon Contributing Member

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    Slip her a mickey.
     
  18. Manny Ramirez

    Manny Ramirez The Music Man

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    Exactly - funny as it seems but women are generally more attracted to the guys they can't have. If you date her friend and wind up dating her for awhile, she may "unfriendzone" you and give you a chance. I have read that a woman generally knows within 5 minutes of meeting a guy if he is dating material for her. So you may never have a chance with the first one; however, to me the best chance you got is to date her friend.

    As others have said, you have a lot of good things that can happen for you. You may actually find yourself falling in love with the friend and as a result, you forget about the first girl. Or you could just enjoy going out with the friend and having a good time and breaking up only if you really feel that you aren't having fun with the friend anymore or breaking up if someone that you are more physically attracted to comes along (like the first girl). But I agree with HayesFan, you must come across that you are not dating the friend to get closer to the first girl. Chicks can tell when guys try that mess a mile away. You have to come across to the first girl that you are really interested in getting to know her friend and that you find the friend romantic material. That way the first girl knows that you are wanting something more than just a friendship. I have known plenty of people that had a teeny bit of attraction for someone and it grew ginormously the more times they went out with them. Good luck - we're all counting on you (two).
     
  19. rrj_gamz

    rrj_gamz Contributing Member

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    Well, more than likely, unless something changes in her mind, you'll never date her...That's enough reason to date her friend...1) she may get jealous and want to start dating you then...2) she doesn't care about you but when you break-up with her friend, she really won't want to date you...

    good luck...
     
  20. britbrit12

    britbrit12 New Member

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    as a girl i can tell you that if she has made it clear she just wants to be friends, she just wants to be friends and that is not going to change. you shouldn't date her friend because you have feelings for one of her best friends and you don't get involved with best friends.. it never works. plus you need to get over this girl so that you can actually be able to be her friend and nothing else, so by dating her best friend you probably will be around her a lot and that won't help. my advice is go out and meet someone else with no attachments to the girl you actually like
     

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