My friend is considering donating his seed to help his best friend have a child...

parenthood is not something to be entered into lightly...this is the creation of a child who needs a mommy and a daddy...and needs some stability. they know better than i whether or not they can afford that stability -- and i don't mean from a financial perspective.

 

wow...what a bold decision to make for your child. it's one thing if your husband leaves you...or if you need to leave him...quite another to say, "screw it...daddys are overrated! kids don't NEED daddys!" it may not be politically correct to call that foolish...but i just did.

 

Gus--

This is frankly one of the WORST ideas I have ever heard of. Geez...where to start?

1) She wants to be a single mother. She is looking for somebody to give SPERM...that's all. I doubt she has any intention of having the source of said sperm be involved in the child's life in any meaningful way. Your friend is kidding himself.

2) Due to his drug habit, there is the possibility (assuming this is done the old fashioned way) that a court would not allow him to see the child unsupervised yet he will have to fork over 20% of his income in child support. Worse yet, he could have his parental rights terminated due to the drug use. He wouldn't have to pay child support...but he'd NEVER see the kid.

3) What effect will all of this have on the kid? It's nice to think of the child in abstract terms...but what about when this child becomes a living, breathing, feeling person...who is the subject of contention between Martha and Gerald?

4) Should he do this, his relationship with her will NEVER be the same. It will become emotionally charged due to the child. I wish Gerald the best of luck in finding a new place to live.

If Gerald REALLY feels deeply about Martha, and the pot is the only thing standing in the way, it seems like Gerald needs to make a decision. If he REALLY wants Martha, he needs to put the bong away...hell...throw it in the trash. It really seems as though Gerald is trying to have his cake and eat it too. In adult life you don't get everything you want and there is a price for everything you get...in this case that price would be paid by the child first and foremost.

My advice...tell Gerald to grow up.

 

i like this story better when Gerald is gay and is a lawyer named Will living with his best friend, Grace.

 

I agree it's time to grow up and put away the bong, or don't go around creating children.

When you have kids you world must revolve around them until they start to gain some indepence. A person who thinks they are ready to do it alone should try and baby sit a new born for a weekend. Eye opening experience to say the least.

 

A couple things stuck out to me when I read your original post, 3fgus. Firstly, that she had just broke up with her old boyfriend, and decided she wants to be a single mother. I may be wrong, but making decisions like that right after a breakup seems like a bad idea at best, and a huge folly at worst. She could be very emotional, lonely, and not in the best frame of mind to make a life changing decision. Perhaps the breakup was a bad one, and she has decided to make this ex-boyfriend a representative of males in general. Also a bad idea. I don't know exactly, it just struck me as odd.

Secondly, you say that she really likes "Gerald", but wouldn't get together with him in a relationship unless he gave up the pot smoking. Perhaps she is trying to rope him into parent type relationship in hopes that he will give up the drugs so as not to be harmful to the child? If she is trying to use the child as a way to change Gerald so that he will be the kind of man she wants, that is also a poor decision.

These are just some things I would be concerned about. It is possible neither of those are happening, but I wouldn't be surprised if one of them were. Overall, it seems like there are many reasons to NOT do this, and very few reasons for it to be done.

 

You folks are really amazing to me sometimes. I know where I'll head if I ever need serious advice about a serious topic. Seriously!

I would have a tiny bit more sympathy for her if she was older, had been single for a while, and was really dedicated to motherhood before her biological clock ran out, but that does not seem to be the case at all.

Also, for people who really want to have a kid as a single parent (or for anybody, period), I would suggest at least *thinking* about adoption. Then she could be a single parent to a nice kid who was slated to have zero caring parents, basically.

If she and bonghit friend just want to see what their genes look like together, they have these hilarious photo booths now, where you and your partner take turns sitting in there, and a computer digitally combines your faces into that of a new child. Wanna see one of these?

 

I'll look at thsi a different way...
I think they both want a relationship with each and both think with a child that the pot smoking will stop... Bad idea IMO

But just my $.02

 

Wouldn't his sperm kind of be, um, not all that great considering he's a pot head. Wouldn't the pot greatly increase the risk of a birth defect.

 

Great,

A pothead for a Dad....what a great drug induced future for the kid.

No WAY !!!

DaDakota

 

Bob Marley was a good dad.

 

Unless they want to raise the child together in a loving home, I don't think it's a good idea.

 

No.

 

Actually (and I don't smoke it, just by preference), but pot has less of an effect on your sperm than booze. Booze (my preference) is pretty much bad for every system. I know, I know, what people will say. There's all that "people in France with wine," and "one drink a day," but the latest research is apparently pretty negative. Okay, time for me to finally get out of the lab here and go get a drink!

 

Hey 3Finger,

I agree with what most everyone else has said here. I definitely FEEL that "Martha" needs her "child" to have a father. That she would want to be a single mother is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. It reminds me of the movie, "Marnie" in which Tippi Hedren and her mother say "that we don't need no stinking men!"

Oh and "Gerald" definitely needs to put the bong down. There are way too many reasons for him to put it down than to continue to do it.