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Anyone know a good dog assassin?

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by mateo, Aug 5, 2005.

  1. mateo

    mateo Contributing Member

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    I have an enemy.
    His name is Fred.
    He is cute and fuzzy and my dog, Guinness, is his pal.
    However, I hate him and his ****** owners.

    Some history: I live in a high-rise in the Columbus Circle area of New York City. nice neighborhood, great building. Its even dog friendly, which is great for my labrador...who by the way doesn't bark. Recently my ****** nurse couple neighbors downstairs decided they would get a dog. They got an effin beagle. I dont care how many German fighters Snoopy shot down, I now hate beagles.

    My wife is on bed rest. She is home every day. From 8:30 to 6 every day, that stupid piece of crap beagle howls. How it can have so much energy, I have no idea. I have called management, their lawyers are working on it. I called the cops (after several pleas to buy a muzzle), they are processing the claim. I even claimed "Conditional Eviction", which means that I dont have to pay my $3000 rent until the dog situation is handled because essentially, we are miserable.

    Tonight's the worst. I guess the fatasses decided to go out for dinner and then clubbing. The dog has been barking since 6pm. The only way I can shut him up is by pounding on the door, which gives us 5-10 minutes of silence. I have pretty much worked 70 hours this week and have to go to a 7am meeting tomorrow with our legal dept. I am on ambien #2 and debating cracking open the bottle of Jameson I have in the liquor cabinet. After that, its the holiday inn across the road.

    Anyone know a dog assassin? I'd pay heavily.
     
  2. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

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    Newman picture coming in 3, 2, 1...

    Sorry you and your wife, especially, are going through that.
     
  3. Kam

    Kam Contributing Member

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    this thread has some potential.
     
  4. v3.0

    v3.0 Contributing Member

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    [Tossing drug-laced doggie treats into Mary's apartment]
    Pat: Wait... how many is this?
    Norm: Umm... four.
    Pat: Four? That seems like an aweful lot of speed to give one little pooch. Are you sure it won't kill him?
    Norm: I never said that.
    Pat: ...eh.
    [tosses another through the window anyway]
     
  5. KaiSeR SoZe

    KaiSeR SoZe Contributing Member

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    Elaine Bennis.
     
  6. mateo

    mateo Contributing Member

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    Trust me, I have dreamed about it this week.
     
  7. leehoang

    leehoang Member

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    Watch "There's Something About Mary", you'll know what you have to do... just do it...
     
  8. pippendagimp

    pippendagimp Member

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    If these people live downstairs from you then it is simple. Just make insane amounts of noise for several consecutive nights. Stomp on the floor incessantly, run the bass on your loudspeakers, watch TMac reruns and jump up and down everytime he dunks or drains a three. These neighbors of yours will be forced to come to a truce of some sort with you.

    I used to have a cousin who had a beagle. I gotta say, they are at the same time some of the dumbest, obstinate, and annoying loud dogs out there. They just never shut up. The only thing these neighbors of yours can really do is put the hound in obedience school and hope it works.
     
  9. Dream Sequence

    Dream Sequence Contributing Member

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    There should be a usable gap between the door and teh threshold. Through that door, siphon some nyquil or something that will make the dog sleepy (reduce the dose since its a small animal). Should keep him asleep for a while and then awaky when the owners are back.
     
  10. Manny Ramirez

    Manny Ramirez The Music Man

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    Mateo - I feel your pain. I have posted a little bit here the trouble I have with my redneck neighbors next door and their three dogs - 2 Jack Russells (the absolute worst breed out there, IMO) and this horny mutt named "Roamy".

    One of the damn Jack Russells bit me last year and of course, the people next door did essentially nothing about it. Dog still out running around with no leash (which is breaking the leash law since we live in the city). Roamy's problem is that he barks a lot and that his bark is very deep (he is like a 70 to 90 pound dog). Of course, my bedroom is the one room that is closest to these people's house next door. That dog has barked late at night (like past 11) and did so continuously for like 30 minutes to I even think 2 hours one time (can't remember). Last weekend was a sucky one and I wasn't in the mood to listen to Roamy barking. He starts getting wound up around 10:30 on Sunday night and was barking a good solid 15 minutes. My neighbors never came out to check on him (which is typical) and I just snapped. I opened up my bedroom window and yelled "SHUT UP!!". I was really amazed at how loud it came out!! Roamy shut up and then the lights at my neighbor's place came on. They sent out their little teenage beauty queen daughter to investigate, lol. They never called me or said anything to me about it.

    Roamy hasn't been a problem since that night but I am sure he will do it again. The bottom line is having to go through that sucks and I think you have done all you can do, mateo. Your neighbors sound like another example of people who shouldn't be dog owners. :(
     
  11. T_in_Charlotte

    T_in_Charlotte Contributing Member

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    I find that the old anti-freeze cocktail is very efficient in dealing with unruly mutts.
     
  12. drapg

    drapg Member

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    Dude, I know how you feel.

    The people who live in the townhome across from me left their dog tied up outside last night, and it barked for hours on end. It kept me up for hours. Finally, I got fed up, went out on my balcony and started yelling at the top of my lungs. A vile mixture of curse words and hatred spewed out of my mouth.

    30 seconds later, the dog's owner comes outside and takes the dog inside.

    Couldn't he have done that from the start?

    God, I wish I owned a gun.
     
  13. swilkins

    swilkins Contributing Member

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    I agree

    Sincerely,
    [​IMG]
     
  14. Surfguy

    Surfguy Contributing Member

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    I don't understand why these people don't make that dog wear a non-bark collar so it will get the sh*t shocked out of it if it barks. I know your not supposed to leave the non-bark collar on the dog when your not at home but they could at least make the dog wear it while their home. I wouldn't have a problem making the dog wear the collar when I'm not at home.

    I think the dog would learn to shut the hell up if they did.
     
  15. R0ckets03

    R0ckets03 Contributing Member

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    I hate nothing more in the world then a dog who wont STFU!!!!!! :mad:

    About two years ago, when I used to live my parents the neighbors had this stupid little b**** who would start barking at 6:00 am every ******* morning!!!!! :mad:

    And once I wake up I could never go back to sleep. And this stupid anti-Christ of a dog would bark only in the mornings between 6:00 am - 10:00 am!!!!!! :mad:

    I would open up the windows and yell profanity like a madman. I was about to throw some messed up meat to that ugly b**** but my then girlfriend (who loves cuddly wuddly doggies) wouldn't let me!!!!! :mad:

    I swear to God I seriously contemplated buying a freakin gun and I would not have had any second thoughts about shooting the freak out of that stupid dog. It was a small cute looking dog too which only made the bark that much worse....this shrill ass witch sounding crap!!!!! :mad:

    I got something from ebay which is suppose to prevent dogs from barking, but it only worked for like two days!!!!!!!!! :mad:

    After like six months I guess enough neighbors complained and they got rid of that stupid b****. I swear some people just don't give a crap about other people. Bunch of self-pleasing biatches!!!!!!! :mad:
     
  16. KingCheetah

    KingCheetah Contributing Member

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  17. LegendZ3

    LegendZ3 Contributing Member

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    [​IMG]
    "I see many dogs on my mail route. I'll bet there's not one type of mutt or mongrel I haven't run across. If you ask me, they have no business living amongst us. Vile, USELESS BEASTS . . ."
     
    #17 LegendZ3, Aug 6, 2005
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2005
  18. The Real Shady

    The Real Shady Contributing Member

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  19. mateo

    mateo Contributing Member

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    Best advice yet. Thank you. I may print that off and stick it to their door.
     
  20. Harrisment

    Harrisment Member

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    Ok, I have two beagles so I can offer some expert information here.

    First of all I feel your pain. I owned one of my beagles when we still live in apartments, and I agree that they are not apartment dogs. They can make quite a bit of noise, and have a tendency to get seperation anxiety. One of my beagles barks everytime we leave but only for about 5-10 minutes. Our other beagle doesn't make any noise at all and rarely barks.

    Also, sad to say but obedience training will do nothing to stop the barking. They are hounds, and all hounds love to "talk." It's not just a beagle thing. We're in a house now so it's not a problem, but I'm sure my neighbors hated me when we were in apartments. Oh and as for the shock collar suggestion....we bought one of those for Sampson, hoping it would curb his barking in the apartments....it didn't work. He actually barked so much that the shock collar burned away some of the hair around his neck! :eek:

    All that said, beagles are awesome dogs and I'll probably never own another breed. They have tons of personality and are very friendly. In the right environment like a house with a decent yard and secure fence, they are the perfect dogs. But apartments are not the right environment for them at all.

    Sadly you don't have many options here unless the people move or give the dog to someone else that can take care of the dog in a better environment. They have doggy day care places, so maybe you could suggest that?

    And as I type this my beagles are barking at a noise my wife just made loading clothes into the washing machine. :D

    Good luck, but don't do anything stupid and hurt the dog!
     

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