I feel for your situation. The fact that you're struggling with it just proves that you're a good person. You've already got lots of good advice here, so I'll just say this. When I get older and if something happens to me, the last thing I want for my kids is to be a burden on them. I want them to get out there, live their own lives and see the world. My job as a parent is to prepare them for that. And once that day comes, let them go.
Since your mom is disabled, you may want to look into provider care or home health care, in which the state pays a large portion for her if she is low income. Once approved, you select the provider care taker based on the number of hours the state approves. An alternate route would be to file to give up guardian to the State of Texas and there will be options to put your mother in an nursing home. You will need to get with social work. This will provide your mother will 24 hour care and give you space and time. Not sure if your situation qualify, but you can always find out. If you want info on the home health, you can PM me because my aunt knows a lot of people that can guide you to the correct places and processes. Since you are 19, I would not suggest you getting your own place. Go to school, get your education, and degree in a MAJOR that pays well (Not art history, social work, psychology, teaching, etc) after graduation. No reason to go to school, spend all that money, and can't find a job that pays at least a $50K. You may want to take a Dave Ramsey FPU class or read a few SUze Orman books to teach yourself how to manage your personal finance. Good luck kid.
I came to say pretty much what the poster above me said. Also, I hate to bring it up but since it's available, why don't u try getting her free government housing? I think it's called section 8 (could be wrong). She will likely get approved since she is disabled and u are her only care taker. I also think that since she can't cook or do much for herself, the option of leaving us not there. I don't care how u try to rationalize it, it just isn't do stop it. I'm sorry u have to go through this, and I couldn't imagine being in your shoes. Hang in there. You are doing the right thing by being there for her. I am sure u are more mature than most 19 year olds and will make someone a very good husband someday.
Just want to add that you have to get above the current level of conversation with her. When you are talking to her and you sense that the conversation is heading in the same dead end direction as always, you have to take a deep breath and rise above it. You have to say something you would never say or do something you would never do to sort of shock her into seeing that you are upset in a way that does not resemble every other 19 year old's feelings. I'm not talking about showing anger or frustration, I'm talking about showing her that you are speaking from the heart, and show her that you want her to speak from the heart. 99% of the time, communication breaks down in a repetitive way and that's what frustrates us. Think to yourself: what can you say or do to break the cycle in a positive way. If you visualize the conversation as if you're in her mind with her history and her life and her situation, I'm sure you will figure it out in a way that none of us here can. This is not your mother anymore. This is your friend. It doesn't matter anymore that you share genes. All that matters is what she's done for you, what you've done for her, how you've been there for each other and how much you guys enjoy getting along. Don't do it because she's your mother. Do it because of who you are and because of who she is.
As young as you are I'd follow other posters advice and stay and get a degree and help out your mom. I moved out at 18 and had to work three jobs even with roommates and there was no time for school. Ended up moving in with one of my roommates and his family for a couple of years to finish college and now everything has worked out. Stay busy, work and go to school full time now while you're young and have the energy to take it all on. In a few years once that degree is complete you should look at getting your mom some other assistance.
I had a domineering mother growing up, so I can relate. I did the stay at home thing until I couldn't live with the idea of being stuck in time. Here are my lessons learned. You never gave much detail on what drove you insane. Is she too negative? Does she baby you like a 10 year old? Is she guilting you in some way constantly and oppressively, like saying she's disabled because she raised you? Maybe the core reason she's driving you insane is because you're of age and she's fearing that you'll abandon her. From your perspective, you're starting your life and spreading your wings, but from hers you're leaving her all in her lonesome. Part of adulthood is recognizing your responsibilities, and another part is standing up and respecting yourself. She will still view you as the 10 year old child she raised, so you will have to communicate to her of the things that she's driving you insane. You will have to do it many times while also saying it in a way that you still love her and you're not abandoning her. I'm betting that you're not sharing what you think to her either. Maybe out of judgement or past mistakes where she capitalized upon your vulnerability in a hurtful way. If you're going to live with her, you're going to have to experiment with letting her in while standing up for yourself if she tries to tread upon it. It's gonna be new to you and new to her. Establishing new rules is hard because we rely on the status quo, but it's also a learning experience for you in communication because whether we admit it or not, how we deal with our eventual mates has a direct relation to our relationship with parents. The other piece of advice is that leaving the home is a short term gain. You might receive freedom, but freedom without stability or a foundation can become an avalanche of commitments without time. You'd have to do two jobs to accomplish something (investing on a girlfriend or education). For a lot of people it's like swimming as far and fast as you can without getting anywhere. Instead, ask what your original passions where. Then ask yourself how realistic it is. Who doesn't want to be a rockstar who gets laid all the time? But what is it that you can do often without feeling like it's work? Like others your age, perhaps that isn't clear. Then think instead of the things you did well in school. If that's not possible, think of things you liked. What is it from stopping you from higher education? If that doesn't fit, then look for trade schools that aren't for profit (**** ITT tech). Community college is a great stepping stone for building skills and learning your strengths to an eventual career path of financial stability. Forget the losers who look down on it, or are frittering away their lives and time by not taking it seriously. Do you want to move out while taking care of yourself and your mom? Then maybe getting sharper and more skilled is the way to go. Let that be your drive to sacrifice if you are faced with infinite choice of dreams. What is sacrifice to you? Maybe this situation is a sacrifice in itself, but if you think further, it's a sacrifice without an end. Lets say you think you're not a good student. When I was in college being a mediocre student, I had to acknowledge that there are people who were less smart than me who were getting better grades. They might not have the aptitude, but they put in the hard work. Not good at books? Find a way to learn the material. Join study groups. Humble yourself by hounding and pestering people who know better like TAs or smart people. You'll learn that acknowledging your weakness is a strength and people like or notice you more when you ask something from them rather than impressing them. I think your circumstance has made you realize that you're not entitled to any damn thing. You might be special, and everyone might be winners, but that is one point in time, and you're probably not lucky to wing it and wish for success all the time. But if you put down a long term personal goal in writing (something like saving X amount of money is a motivating goal, but it doesn't answer much after you do it), then that is something that's truly yours and not anyone elses. It wouldn't even matter if someone else tries to tear it down if you really have the resolve and drive for it. This advice might be hard to swallow on the whole, but if you take anything from it, improve yourself. A wise man told me to tun towards something rather than running away from something. That's a good way you can get anywhere in life and feel like you have a handle on it.
