OK, I have been having some problems with my girl here lately. I've been dating her for 3 years now but recently I have disliked some things that have been going on. It has had me down for the past week, so far sometimes I do tear up about it but not in front of her. Let me see, where should I start? I don't know but I'll try my best to break it down. OK, well she hangs out with this other group of girls, and I want to make it perfectly clear that I don't mind her hanging out with them but it seems ever since she has been hanging out with them stuff has been changing. First time I noticed was a few months ago, me and her go to another couple's house, who we are very good friends with, to watch a movie, eat, talk, etc.. Well about half way through the movie she calls up her friends and starts talking to them then tells one of them to come pick her up so they can go some where. She said that she would be back in a few minutes. I thought it was very rude for her to leave in the first place but she ended up staying gone over 2 hours. It was well past midnight when she did finally get back so I am sitting there wondering the whole time she is gone if our friends were waiting to go to bed or whatever but couldn't because they felt obligated to stay up with me. Luckily I was a little tipsy when my girl finally did come back or I would've been very upset. I still thought this whole thing was pretty rude though. Next, her calls have stopped. She doesn't call me near as much as she used to. I remember I would get at least one call in the middle of the day when I was at work, one whenever I got off of work, one whenever I was on my way home from school, one whenever she woke up on Saturday, and then just random other calls. Now she calls me maybe once a day, heck there are times when I don't see or talk to her 2-3 days in a row. I try to call he but she rarely picks up and I am always getting her voicemail. Next, time we spend together. This is something that I feel has reduced a lot. She would always be at my house whenever I got off of work, she would always come to see me before she went off to school or whenever I got back from school, she would always want to go out and do things, etc. Now she is never at my house when I get off but with the girls she hangs out with, she only calls after a while to see what is for dinner, she comes over then usually ends up leaving not too long afterwards to go hang out with her friends some more. On the weekends she never wants to do anything anymore but EVERY and I do mean EVERY weekend she is at the club with her friends. A few weeks ago we went out with the couple mentioned before to celebrate their birthdays and what did she do when we got back, headed to her friend's house to go to the club. I can call her right now and if she answered I'll bet $100.00 she is at said friend's house. Next, sacrifices. Why must I sacrifice everything? I skip holidays with my family to be with her's, I watch Lifetime movies because she wants to, I cook dinner and ask her what she wants because she is picky when it comes to food. Now, she doesn't ask me to do these things, which is what she would say if I even brought it up, but I do them anyway because I know she enjoys it, shouldn't it make it that much better that I do it out of my own will instead of her having to ask or tell me??? Here is where she doesn't sacrifice. I asked her to travel to Little Rock with me a to visit my sister, her husband and my nieces and nephew on Saturday and return early on Sunday. She said that I can go but she has too much homework to do and she needs a computer for her work. My sister has a computer and her sister has a laptop she would've let her borrow so that fixes that problem right there. That's not even the worst part, I ended up nixing the trip because I wanted her to go because the kids down there really like her and they would been asking me 1,000 times over and over again where she was. So my girlfriend ends up staying over my house on Friday till about 11 then goes home and goes to bed. Saturday comes, the day I wanted to go and she doesn't get out of bed until 12:30, at least that's what she says when she calls. She then goes shopping with her friends, eats lunc with her friends, comes over my house to eat dinner later on and sits around and watches television, then goes home to do what, get ready for the club. She stays at the club unti 4 in the morning. Then she stays the night with me and doesn't get up until 1 which is past the time I planned to be back from the Little Rock trip. So basically she lied to me, or that is the way I feel. The thing that go me down this week is a friend calls her up and asks her to stay the night and bam she says yes, less than a week earlier i asked and was given the excuse of have to go home and do laundry, at 1 in the morning none the less. Next, why can she do for her friend but not me? It's like I ask her to stay with me or go with me some where and everytime I get a no, I'm busy, I have homework, etc. Whenever her friends ask though it OK, I am on my way. In the past two weeks she has stayed at my house 2 times, with her friend's at least 6. As I said every weekend they want to go to the club, and then she's out the door. Then she went on a road trip this past weekend with a friend but couldn't do the same for me 2 weeks ago. As I said before there are times when we go 2-3 days with out seeing or speaking to each other, which wasn't the case a few months ago, then she told a friend that she would get sick of me if she saw me everyday right in front of me. Now what upsets me about that is that she sees her friends every damn day but she would get sick of me? We have talked about getting married and still do but don't you see your spouse every day? If not see at least talk to I am sure! Next, these friends. I'll say it again, I don't mind her hanging out with her friends at all but some things have gotten to the point where they affect me. All these friends she hangs out with are single and she is the only one who is not so they have a lot of guy friends and what they call f*c* buddies. I don't have a problem with this but when these guys start messaging my girl asking her "What are you doing?" and "What's up?" that bothers me. Would this not bother any other guy that is in a relationship? I trust her but it is these guys that I don't trust because being one I know we don't care if a girl has a man or not if we are after that one thing. She was complaining a few days ago she had $15 worth of text messaging on her cell bill which amounts to 150 messages and I know I have not sent that many, my bill only shows 14 going to her cell. So it has me wondering how many of these other" messages has she received? Finally to wrap it all up, I know some of you want to ask why don't you talk to her about these things and let her know what's troubling you? Well I have tried that before with past troubles. Whenever I try to talk to her about serious things she either laughs them off, runs home whenver she doesn't like things, or tells me I should break it off with her if I am unhappy which leads me to belive that she doesn't give a you know what. This upsets me because I am trying to talk and work out the problem but she either runs away or wants to end the whole thing and there's no other choice, it's like she doesn't care about the way I feel. Why can she not seriously sit down with me, talk about the problems, and at least try to work them out? When she runs away from the problem it is still there waiting when she comes back, so isn't it better to get it worked out? The reason I am posting this is because this latest series of events has had me seriously contemplating whether or not to stay with her, which means basically I have thought about ending it and that's what hurts the most. I know you cannot make the decision for me and I am not asking you to but I am asking for a little guidance about what I need to make of the whole thing because she offers me very little input, support, etc. Thanks for anything and sorry about the length of the post.
Well Jeff, it actually hasn't been that rocky. I mean we rarely have problems like this and rarely, if ever argue, like I said this is something that has developed over the past few months. I don't want to dump her because it feels like I would be throwing 3 years, in which I gave up a lot stuff, away. I also realize that if this continues to be a problem I might not have a choice.
Ok, last post funn, this post serious... You've been together 3 years. That's quite a while to be in a non-married relationship. You have every right to confront her about it and ask her what is going on. You have a right to know where you stand. If, for whatever reason, she doesn't give you a good answer, you may have to tell her that you cannot continue a relationship with someone who doesn't seem to be as committed to it as you are and let the chips fall where they may. It sucks for sure. It may just be a time she needs to be with friends, but she needs to know that, given your history, she should at least be more considerate of your feelings.
Well that isn't my girlfriend's name and if I remember correctly I don't think Bucky is attractive from other people's point of view. Thanks for the input Jeff.
I don't like it one bit. I had a relationship similar and it was a complete nightmare and only got worse. She even went so far as to spend New Year's with her friends without so much as a phone call. Follow your heart man and good luck with it.
I, too, am oddly curious about 'Bucky' Try not to be bitter. Try to spend time with her friends. Maybe, right now, they're just more 'fun.' If you make a conscious effort to be 'fun' too, (rather than fretting over all you're 'giving up') and she still treats you poorly...then probably time to move on. Good luck.
hmm, sounds like you have every right to wonder. i'm a girl and i would say leave her. your situation sounds like my sis's fiance's ex-wife right before they got a divorce. she was never around, always out with "friends," etc. move on...i know it's hard tho. good luck
I'll make this as simple as possible: Break up with her. Do it quickly and firmly. Don't take her back for at least two weeks. It'll give her a chance to figure out what she really wants. If she doesn't try to get back together after you break it off, it's been over for some time. It's not easy, but it's the correct way to handle this. 100% of the time.
lil pun, jeff is right and fatty is wrong. you should just talk to her straight up. ask her what's going on, don't play games like breaking up to see if she comes running back
Not to be coy, but it isn't a game. Breaking up with her, and being firm about it lets her figure out what lifestyle she prefers, clubbing or relationship. He's already talked to her about it. She keeps blowing it off. Did you not read that, as well?
Agreed 100%! I went through an abortion of a relationship with a skank a while back, and reading your relationship problems hit me with a full cup of deja vu. The situation your are in is EXACTLY what I went through. It reads as if she's lost interest in a comitted relationship at this point in her life. The longer you let this continue the more pain you're likely to endure. If I were you I'd take the high road out now. Or you could apply for the show "Cheaters" just to see which 'friends' she's spending most of her time with.
I was going to post the exact same thing. In fact, make up another girl. I'm not kidding. "I don't think this is going to work out. I've been seeing someone else and she is giving me everything else you can't. It's not you, it's me. I'd still like to remain friends though. I've already packed your stuff for you. Call me." And, of course, when she does call don't answer.
This isn't some chick flick we are talking about. This is real life. Our boy is being played like a fool and has let this go on too long. He must end it and end it now. Or at the very least agree to see other people. Also, Pun...you've admitted you put 3 years into the relationship and don't want it to be just a waste. What will you say if this goes on for another year or two? Those are days, months, years you could be working on the REAL relationship that is right for you. Maybe you should call Hitch.
I don't think she is cheating or "playing" on me it's just that things have changed and I am unhappy with it, I've seen some good bits of advice on here and thank you all for it.
Dude, you said that she told you to break it off if you are unhappy. You've tried talking to her, but she apparently doesn't want to listen. To me that sounds like she doesn't care if you do or if you don't and she's just going to continue doing what she wants regardless of how it makes you feel. Walk away and move on with Lil Pun's life. She'll come back if she wants it bad enough.
Sounds like she doesn't want to settle down. Having a relationship for that long of a time might make her think that she is already "married" to you and she is rebelling against that albeit subconsciously. Believe it or not, I would do what Fatty said - so she doesn't want to settle down, huh? Cut her loose and see what happens.
