Is it really a surprise that coquetry and supplication would have changed over the centuries? Chivalry is an antiquated style of courtship that greatly assuages the rights and choices of a woman. In the modern world, being a gentleman does not necessarily mean you have to be "chivalrous" and being chivalrous does not necessarily make you a gentleman, and in the end it's just as much a woman's choice as it is yours. Just because you "act right" doesn't mean she owes you a single thing. That said, different women like different things. There are a few things that you can always do that will never go wrong, however. Be confident, look good, and be really good at something cool that you can show off. And no, nice guys don't finish last, NAIVE nice guys finish last. It's completely possible to be a good person and not be a doormat (it's especially importance to understand this distinction with women). Most "nice guys" just don't know the damn difference.
Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills...
dudebro, don't become one of those assholes who's like, "i've been burned for the last time! **** women! if they like douchebags, that's what they'll get!" no no no. you don't have to do that. you can find a great, healthy relationship (if that's what you desire) by NOT BEING A DOORMAT. some of my more pathetic facebook friends harp on the "i'm a nice guy why won't she let me put it in her" and i just want to shake them and tell them what incredibly unattractive behavior it is, especialy when i KNOW some of them are trying to get the attention of particular women that can see those statuses. look dating sucks, sometimes games are played but that's the nature of sexual attraction and chemistry. someone on facebook posted a link a couple weeks ago trying to help this guy out and i thought it was spot on. Spoiler THE GOLDEN RULE ABOVE ALL RULES: Never, EVER, express you feelings directly. Don’t tell her that you see her as more than a friend. It just does not work like this. The only way you make the change is by HER confessing her feelings for you, or you taking the initiative and kissing her like it was some crazy accident of passion. Now obviously, there are a few things you must communicate to her before this can happen: (1) You don’t need her. (2) You find her attractive but she has competition. (3) You have high standards. (4) You are a sexual/sensual being. (5) You understand the value of sex with a connection. (6) You are physically affectionate. (7) You give conflicting messages that hint at your desire. (8) You don’t let flings ruin friendships. http://www.sosuave.com/articles/escaping.htm (edit: i should say, this "game playing" strategy is best for flings. obviously it would suck playing games with your future wife - refer to mathloom's post in that case)
Just be yourself. Find someone who appreciates the person you want to be, which incidentally requires the least effort on your part. Don't waste everyone's time trying to fit into a cube. Chances are if you are trying to fit into a cube, then the other person will subconsciously sense that you will try to fit them into a cube. This is the reason why people are more comfortable around people who are themselves - because they don't feel like they have to play a perception game, so they can focus their attention on other things, speak freely, and actually enjoy getting to know you. There is no strategy needed in finding someone who is compatible with you and vice versa. Strategy is for difficult things, and I don't understand why people doom themselves to pursuing something which is naturally difficult. When you meet the right person, it will be easy to exchange information, no barriers, and then you can focus your attention on understanding the few incompatibilities that will likely exist. Incompatibility is normal since we aren't all the same, but the context changes the relevance. Incompatibilities in a free-flowing relationship are minor in the big picture. Incompatibilities in a strategic partnership are major in the big picture. You might end up alone forever, and you might find someone tomorrow. There's no formula that will tell you what kind of strategy/attitude will be succesful in the long-term. Now if you're looking for a fling with someone who's looking for a fling, then feel free to make everything up and create a strategy. If you/they are looking for a fling, chances are neither of you will really mind living out the short-term fantasy you've created for yourselves, and you're also probably interested in some mind games to spice things up. This is impossible to maintain long-term, but might actually be very helpful in the short term. Also, on manners, unless you actually like holding doors open for people, stop. This practice was developed when the huge majority of women preferred it. As women have gotten or are getting their due place in society, its obvious that women like men (SHOCKING) have different opinions on, for example, whether they want someone to hold a door open for them. Some women like the old-fashioned stuff, some don't. If you're doing this just to impress, it's no longer making the same universal impression, and many times will offend some women. You have to know the INDIVIDUAL to know what they appreciate and what they don't. Holding the door open for all women IMO can give the impression that all women have the same opinion about a single thing.
Chivalry and good manners are not antiquated, you have seen too many Gloria Allred interviews. You don't exercise manners or chivalry to get laid, but out of a respect for women. My guess is poster is fairly young or is interested in younger women.
A woman knows within 5 minutes of meeting you whether she wants to have sex with you or not. Believe it. Damn, some of you people act like you've never been a musician before...oh wait....:grin:
Just be cool and funny. But most importantly be YOURSELF (Which coincidentally for most people IS cool and funny.)
Contrary to popular belief (mostly from internet dorks), you don't have to be an ******* to get women. Unless you aspire to be with a woman who is attracted to assholes. No thanks. That being said, you also can't be a sniveling little emo dork who always talks about his feelings and constantly needs to be reassured by a woman. They hate that. You will get cheated on and inevitably start a relationship thread in the Hangout asking why your girlfriend has been acting strange the last few weeks. Don't be that guy. The key is to be a confident gentleman. Confident without the gentleman won't get it done, and the same goes for gentleman without the confident. You have to be both.
Maybe i should just stop trying to talk to girls who still think they are in high school.... I am fairly young and have found MUCH greater success in older (not too much older) women and smarter nerdy girls since they are more "mature". I just am not down with stupid hs mind games anymore. I feel somewhat better after reading through all the posts.
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I think you first have to define . .. WHAT DO YOU WANT? Then you set benchmarks on getting it. Pick a woman . . . see what she likes and wants then either 1. Become or mimmick those things 2. try to convince her your way is better or 3. pick another woman . . . . So question to the OP - What do you want? At what point are you ending up in the friendzone. I'd bet you are not ASKING FOR THE SALE!! Sometimes. .. you have to ASK for what you want .. . they not mindreaders Rocket River
When did I include "good manners" as being antiquated? I'm not a heathen, for god's sake. I am simply pointing out that the chivalry, in its traditional sense, is antiquated. I don't know how you can deny that.
it was so much easier when all you had to do was order a girls dinner or her and put on side 1 of Led Zepplin IV.
All of you are missing the real problem. The real problem is that Hussein Obama's SOCIALIST policies have created a generation of men and women who just look to government to decide for them how to get laid!
