Divorce lawyer to Mickey Mouse "I'm sorry. You can't divorce Minnie on the grounds of insanity" Mickey to Divorce lawyer "I didn't say she was insane. I said she was ****ing Goofy"
Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad. How is get one-arm Latvian out of tree? Is no one-arm Latvian! Why you silly? All go Center for Great Peaceful Physical Reassignment. You no ask. What are one potato say other potato? Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato? Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat. How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food. A fishmonger says to a bootblack, "Are there any more potato left?" Bootblack says, "Yes, one. But it has gone bad." The fishmonger says, "I am very hungry. I have not eaten for three days. I shall eat it, even if it makes me very ill." And bootblack says, "I did not speak truth. In reality, there is no food left. You shall go hungry yet another day, my friend." Knock knock Who’s there? Latvian. Latvian who? Please open door. Is cold. Latvian walk into bar and say, “I have not eaten for many days. One full beer will be too much for me. How much just maybe one shot beer?” Bartender say, “This is can do for you. Is two centimes.” Latvian say, “Oh. I was hoping it would be less. I do not have that much.” Why six is afraid seven? Because seven have many friend politburo. Latvian walk into bar with pig on shoulder. Bartender say, “That look delicious!” But pig say, “No. Is Latvian. Taste is similar to dog.” Latvian is rub lamp find genii. Genii say, “What is three wishes?” Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato! Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian. Genii ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp. Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, “Why so long face?” Latvian say, “I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.” Bartender smile. He know there is no potato. Latvia man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm. Questioning: Why did chicken cross road? Answering: I have not seen chicken since I was very young, on my parents' farm. This is before the Cossacks slaughtered them. I can still hear screams of sister as soldiers rape her. But back to question, where did you see chicken? I am very, very hungry. Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier. How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? Only one. Obtain light bulb is hard part. You have potato? Is dead dog in road. Is dead Latvian in road. What difference? Dog have fur keep warm. Also, freedom. And dog try eat own **** for pleasure not just survive. So many thing! Latvian : Is so cold. All : How cold is? Latvian : Very. Got all of these from that reddit link. These are great. Does anyone find these offensive?
OK, I admit some joke is good. You copy Latvian joke is ok. ^ Can mother-trucker get joke from somewhere else is not Reddit? You return with good joke. You get. Now go. You come back and tell joke not from Reddit. It is cold.
So Obama visits England and meets David Cameron. Cameronshows him his cabinet, and Obama is impressed. Obama asks "How do you make such a good cabinet?" Cameron calls in the british secretary of state and says "I test them with this riddle. Who is the grandson of my uncles's father?" The secretary replies "you." Obama is impressed and returns to America. He calls in Biden and asks him the same riddle, Biden is stumped and asks Pelosi for the answer. Biden returns to the President "The answer is Nancy Pelosi" Obama replies "No you idiot it's David Cameron!"
Spoiler What's the difference between a fat chick and a roll of sod? A: Nothing, sooner or later they'll both be laid by a Mexican.
Pretty ****ed up jokes. Read at your own discretion. Spoiler Women always complain about men falling asleep after sex. If that's really the case, why is it so difficult to catch a rapist. Spoiler Casey and Caylee Anthony are walking into a forest at night. Caylee says, mommy, this forest is scaring me. Casey says, you? I have to walk out of here alone! Spoiler What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a light bulb.
Why is it illegal for a Puerto Rican to go sky diving? Spoiler Because it's illegal to throw trash out the plane
How did Helen Keller burn her ear off? Spoiler Answering the iron! Spoiler How did she burn the other one off? Spoiler They called back!
A black man was found hanged in Mississippi. The immediate response was for the media to blame the KKK and hate groups, but upon further investigation a suicide letter was found and it indicated that this black man had this beautiful white girlfriend with an extremely racist father and... Spoiler ...he really wanted to impress him.
Most offensive joke I can think of. Warning! It's racist! Spoiler What do you need 6 dead niqqers hanging from a tree? Spoiler An Alabama wind chime Spoiler I'm not racist! I swear! I have one black friend and we're totally cool and that makes it all okay. Right? right? right!
