Deckard, I agree that there are many men out there who do not pay, but I would say the numbers are just as high on the other side for the men who are getting screwed over by their ex. Just look at the numbers who have/are still in our small community here. That is not an accident. There just isn't the stigma when it comes to a women screwing over the man, so nobody cares unless they are living it. My point is the system is severly flawed and needs to be changed. It will not happen though, because there are so many who have not lived it and still only believe there are "deadbeat dads" and all women are just doing there best to raise a kid, because the dad left them high and dry. The tons of men who go through it are just the exception to the rule, as you say. Times have changed quite a bit since that was the case. There just needs to be equality associated with it. You would be stunned at the number of men who go through it. What is sad in all of this is the kids are the ones sufferring while the courts/public opinion still believes it to be this way. There is a reason mommy and daddy split up, and it isnt because they can agree to do things in a rationale manner. It baffles me that people think that when a couple splits up, it all of the sudden becomes a great relationship. Things get really bad when daddy gets a new girl or momma a new man. That old jealous, I am gonna screw you over kicks in, or the new man doesn't want daddy around. Lost in all of this is the kids feelings, and the courts/public refusing to believe that momma is anything, but perfect, and daddy could be more than a deadbeat.
every single mother in my neighborhood drives a nice car, and only a few of them graduated from college.
That is f'n awesome...congrats and good luck with everything!!! Well said... That all sounds good on paper, but in the real world, good luck enforcing it and it does nothing for the times that were lost...Unless you've been in the situation and have first hand experience, and I'm not talking in a court room, you can't truly understand...We'll just agree to disagree...This is a touchy issue for me personally, so I may have gone on a rant, but I know there are more good, caring dads getting screwed than there have been in the past when the stigma was set...I feel for the moms that don't get the support they need, but even more for the dads that do pay and have to deal with all this crap...
why do you still need to pay your ex money if you have custody of your son? but glad to hear that it worked out for you Thats my biggest fear about getting married or having a kid that if something doesnt work out that it may complete hell for me and more importantly for my future kid.
I pay child support to my ex for my daughter and my ex pays me child support for my son. We each pay 17.5% to each other. My 17.5% is much higher than her 17.5% so I have to pay the difference. The difference is $950. I figure when my daughter is between 13 and 14 she will be next.
They way the law views it: Man: Violate court order and go to jail. Woman: Violate court order and the man can pay $2,500 to $10,000 to take her to court to have the court tell her not to do that anymore.
What part do you find unusual? The split custody or the way child support was set up? According to my lawyer, the 17.5% thing is by the book.
The split custody, not the child support. Maybe "highly unusual" wasn't a good way to put it. In my experience observing my friends and aquaintances over the years, split custody isn't what usually happened, even when it might have been a good idea for those involved. I'm glad it worked out for you.
Wrong. I can tell you that if a woman violates the order and an enforcement action is brought, it is usually more than a slap on the wrist. All sorts of things can happen, including the appointment of an official to ensure that the kid is delivered to dad. Not to menion the fact that a mother will spend $5000 or more to bring a child support enforcement action. I saw countless women pay that money because the AG told her that they could not help them, overloaded docket, etc.
You are 100% correct roboto. I can tell you from experience. The man pays the money to bring it back to court. He has to hire a lawyer, pay court fee's, and the only thing they will do is tell the women not to let it happen again. They can leave the area, and are not required to give you the kids, even though the agreement says to, if they cannot afford. They can stay in the area, and the order is not enforcable unless she voluntarily hands them over. She can leave the state and is not required to give you the kids under any circumstances, unless you go to court in that state again. When my ex moved off, I was paying in Texas(automatically out of check) and getting calls and letters threatening action about being behind in her new state. I told them to F themselves as I have documented proof I was paying every other week and she was the one in violation. They said that had nothing to do with their state. I was paying child support and getting hit up for a second one threatened with jail. They could care less about my kids or me seeing them, or that I was actually paying child support and she was in violation of a court order, and only cared about getting more money. That is reality.
Thanks. Before I filed with the courts I discussed it with both of my kids. My son had made very clear to everyone that he wanted to live with me. I talked with him over a period of about 6 months to make sure that it was exactly what he wanted. I also tried to discussing it with his mom but her reaction was that it will never happen. We couldn't even discuss it in theory. Once it became pretty clear that he was set on living with us, I discussed it with my daughter several times. I told her that we wanted her to come live with us just as much as her brother but that we were not going to make her do anything that she didn't want to if we could avoid it. She told me that she wanted to continue living with her mom and I said that it is perfectly fine and that we understood. We told her that we will always want her to come live with us and that if she ever changed her mind that we would make every effort to make that happen, just like we were going to do for Collin.
Is your statement based on your own experience? Refman seems to have seen literally hundreds of these cases. Unless you've seen even more, I think I'll believe him.
Full disclosure up front: My wife and I deal with the father of our oldest, my stepson who is hers from a previous relationship. He owes $20,000+ in back child support and has gone to such lengths as changing his social, doing jobs to get paid in cash, etc. to get out of child support. Now - fortunately for her, she has me and we don't need his money to raise his son. I've raised him since he was four, and he's had everything he's ever needed. Now that I've established my own real life experience... heh... I think the biggest issue in these situations is not problems with the law. The problem for women who are getting screwed over is that they hooked up with b!tch a$$ men. The problem with men who are getting screwed over is they hooked up with b!tch a$$ women. If there's one thing I've learned in my life coming across both women abusing the system and men abusing the system is that gender has absolutely nothing to do with how you act. It's all about character. A bitter, cynical man or woman will work the system, screw you over and generally make like absolutely brutal through legal loopholes and by manipulating every possible detail they can to get a leg up and act out their issues with their ex through child support issues. The law has to be even and fair - but a good attorney working for a jerk (man) or a b!tch (woman), will find a way to work it to their favor. That's how it is. It's not about the law. It's about the person manipulating it. You can't iron out every loophole. For us? He owes her SO much money. Before we met, she struggled. It was a one bedroom apartment with her toddler son, and she depended on family to help her through it. By the time we met, she was able to get back in school to get her degree with the help of her mother who watched her son and helped out with little things. We married, had two more, and over the years her ex has occasionally been in forced compliance through payroll deduction that the Texas Attorney General's office force him to do. More often than not he just doesn't show his face in any way, monetarily or otherwise. He would call around income tax time, when his refund would be sent to us automatically due to his over $20,000 arrears. That is, until he started adjusting his taxes so he wouldn't GET a refund. Then, he hooked up with another woman, with whom he had four more children. Recently, they split up as well. The bottom line, and this is how we came to look at it... We don't care, because her son has been taken care of, has had everything he's ever needed and then some and has not suffered monetarily at all. How he HAS suffered is he has a dad who never cares enough to see him, and when he does show up, takes him to eat dinner so they can sit in silence and he can pretend he's a father. To sum this up... The guy is a loser. To the men getting screwed over. I'm sorry that your ex is a loser, but that's the issue. It's not the system. It's the person. And if your child is well taken care of, protect them the best you can, raise them the best you can, protect their emotional well-being if you must. That's what matters. Letting yourself become bitter helps nothing. I could be bitter that I had to raise this fool's kid for 12 years while he's done jack squat. But I chose not to be. He's taken care of and he graduates in two years. He's happy. If I was a man and the ex-girlfriend or wife was my issue - I think I'd take the same road. I want to make sure my child is taken care of financially and monetarily. I want to live up to MY expectations even if she doesn't live up to hers in my opinion. I want my child's needs met. When those kids are grown, that's what they'll remember. They'll remember a dad who was there for them in every way. And, they'll remember that their dad didn't let a horrible situation with their mother overrule his desire that they grow up into happy, healthy adults. Finally, kids figure out the "bad" parent on their own. You won't ever have to tell them. I made it a point to NEVER criticize my stepson's father around him. NEVER. He's 16 now, and he figured it out on his own. Just be there for your kids and work for their benefit in every way you know how. That's what's important.
Really? Explain to me then why the courthouse is full of women who have paid thousands to an attorney to bring a child support enforcement action. Why would they do that if the system were so easy for them? Your assessment of the system makes no sense given that fact.
