29...32 right now and still happily married, with our first child on the way in about a month definitely glad that I waited as long as I did...got to enjoy being single in my 20's and met the right girl at the right time in my life
Both 25 and have been married 12 years. I don't recommend get married that early for most people but my wife and I are soul mates. Everything is easy for us. Even seeing each other 24 hours a day for 2 straight years when we worked at the same place.
I'm in my early 30's. Never been married, not planning on ever getting married. I almost fell into society's pressures right after graduating college at age 22. I had been dating a girl for 3 years, I was finishing up college and according to everyone around me it was time for me to get married, it was what I was supposed to do. And most all of my friends and my sister were doing it. I was close with her dad, he wanted me to marry her, and applied pressure. Started working, my career, actually started making money and had enough saved up to buy the ring and I just the whole idea of getting married didn't make much sense to me. I wanted all the money I was making for myself, I didn't want to share it, I no longer wanted to do things that I didn't have to do (go to her house for holidays, have dinner with her parents, go to her friends weddings, go to her office partys and happy hours with her coworkers, omg someone shoot me), I didn't want to buy a house, I didn't want to live in the suburbs with a minivan and an SUV and sit around out in the garage with my other married neighbors, drinking beer, watching football while talking about how much we hate our wives and our lives. So, I told her my feelings and we parted ways. I focused 100% on my career, worked my way up, started making even more money, took a positon that required worldwide travel (wow this part is amazing for a single guy in his mid 20's with money in the bank and no baggage). Most of the married men who also traveled in my company could only be gone 1 week, maybe 2 weeks at at a time max, but I could stay for months if necessary so this gave me a leg up on them. My worldwide travel increased. I have been to china, russia, ukraine, all over western europe, australia, basically all over the world and had no worries about what was back at home waiting to b**** at me, no one ever asking me "when are you coming home".... I got a nice condo in the city, set it all up the way I wanted it to look, I have a few nice cars and yes, I have hooked up with many women all over the world, but that isn't whats important. That all comes with it. What is important is that I have FREEDOM. True freedom. I can do whatever I want, go whereever I want, stay there as long as I want, and there is nobody around to QUESTION me. If I'm feeling frisky, then hey, I wait for the weekend to roll around, go to a bar/club or anywhere really and its not hard at all to meet single, availiable women looking for the same thing. So, looking back, not getting married was absolutely the best decision I have ever made. It just isn't for me. I have the security and independance to be alone, that does not bother me one bit. Most all of my friends who were married in their 20's are now completely unhappy, some divorced, many broke. 75% of their reasons for divorce were infedility and not on their part. They all tell me I was genius for not doing it. I have one, who is still happily married and I respect him and his relationship. It worked for him. Also, all of my married friends and acquantinces? Their wives all dislike me. They don't want their men around me. Even though I have been nothing but nice and respectful around them, they don't want their men to get a taste of my single lifestyle - they find out they are going to go with me to have a drink and watch the ballgame? They scoff. Sometimes when I meet single women and they find out that I'm single, successful, in my mid 30's and have no kids, they assume there must be something wrong with me. I love it when this happens. Society has taught us that if we don't follow the norm then there must be something wrong with us. I'm even open to having a serious, monogamous relationship if I meet the right girl, but I will not formalize it and get "married" as you guys call it. The whole idea just doesn't make sense to me and I understand everyone is different, but that's my marriage story. Hopefully this novel may help someone in his early 20's with his decision. I just got back from Shanghai from an expat assignment. Was there for a few months, what a wonderful experience & met a few very nice asian girls Single 4 life
I was 27 she was 23. Been married for over 18yrs (we have two teenage sons) and she just told me that she wants a divorce. Came out of the blue, I didn't see this coming at all. Oh well stuff happens.
She probably found someone else to have a fling with and she thinks its serious, or she's watched too many desperate housewives episodes. Sorry to hear cmiller, but its probably a blessing in disguise for you.
That sucks, but it seems to happen a lot. My parents were married 17 years, and I have multiple friends that have had their parents split once they were out of the house. Not fun.
Just kidding. I did read it all. I'm happy for you. Glad it's worked out. I can't imagine experiencing all of what you have and not having someone to share it with though. You can call it me being weak, being afraid to be alone, needing validation from others, whatever. But when I'm traveling and I see something beautiful, all I wish for is my family to be there and see it with me. I've been married for 13 years and I think it's the best decision I've made. In the end, it just goes to show you there is no right or wrong. It's a personal decision and kind of a coin toss on whether or not it'll work out.
Totally respect your lifestyle choice. I was somewhat prepared to be similar to that coming out of college...I wasn't going to get married just for the hell of it so I could be in the norm. I mean I wanted a family and kids too, but I wasn't going to be in an forced, unhappy relationship just to make that happen. Then I met someone who I really do want to marry, and I still have freedom to do what I want without having to worry about being b****ed at. Then again, I'm pretty laid back and am not one to go do anything wild or crazy...but I can go watch the game and have a few beers if I want. I never feel like forced to spend time with her, even though we see each other all the time (not living together). I still enjoy my freedom, other than the random hookups and long trips- neither of which were part of my lifestyle to begin with.
Yep...I still haven't gotten a straight answer as to why. She's cited several reasons, from a midlife crisis, to just wanting to be on her own. We were the couple that everyone envied. With the exception of the ususal marital issues, things were good. Really strange and confusing.
Well, she did get married really young. I totally understand the "just wanting to be on her own" thing. I think it's some innate desire in everyone, up to a point. Then there's an age you reach when you feel more like settling down. Maybe she feels like she skipped that part of her life, and now she wants it.
This is my guess. I have yet to meet a person who didn't get the "I just want to have fun" phase out of their system. Some do it as teens, most do it in their 20s but some people don't get a chance until their 40s or even 50s. But they always go through the phase at some point.
Oh I don't know....Life? Freedom? Nothing to tie me down? And I don't have much trouble meeting women, thank you. I'm glad I finished reading this thread before responding because I really couldn't have said it better than Vinsanity did: Jesus, I could have written most of this myself, even down to the 'burbs and the minivan (though I've always used a Volvo in my example) and people assuming there must be something wrong with me, which never fails to make me laugh. I'm nearly in my mid-thirties and about to be more successful than I've ever been. I have one bachelor's degree and wasn't happy with where I was professionally so I opted for a second career as an RN. I'll graduate nursing school in May. From there, I can go anywhere and do anything. I've traveled all my life (been to 5 of the 7 continents) and I can continue this as an RN. I'll make great money, see more of the world, experience even more culturally, and I won't have anyone to answer to except for myself. No one to tell me "no," no one to tell me "not now." My life, my rules, my freedom. The end, really. I have also had multi-year relationships. I dated one girl for three years. I nearly succumbed to societal pressure and I'm sure as hell glad I didn't. I've never wanted a picket fence around a house in the 'burbs, a Volvo, and 2.5 kids and a wife I never wanted in the first place, so I broke up with her. It was ugly, but it was worth it. Most of my married friends aren't happy or are divorced and happier than they were when they were married but not as happy as they were when they were single. I personally know exactly one couple with an honest-to-god, damn-near textbook-perfect marriage. I'm deliriously happy for them. If you're married and happy, then more power to you. But it's not for me. As an aside, I rarely say 'never' about anything. I suppose it could happen. But it's never been on my list of things I wanted to do and at nearly 34 with nothing but a bright future ahead of me, marriage and a family is even further down the list than it was before. If it was ever on the list at all, that is.
Do you think its a natural instinct or formed by society? I have been trying to figure that out for awhile. The whole, you know, desire to "sow the wild oats." It sucks, because that feeling can really nag at you.
I don't think its society, I just think it is inside of all of us and it never truly goes away. Maybe it goes away a little or we suppress it, but its always there. And I don't think its a "sow wild oats" primal instinct, I just think its more of a ultimate quest for complete freedom that lives in us and never goes away. I think that desire is worse on those who were raised in a more strict/christian type environment. The urge to really get out and experience life and not feel guilty about doing things we desire to do is very liberating.
