By FRAN BLINEBURY Copyright 2002 Houston Chronicle There are probably more than a billion reasons the Rockets should trade the draft rights to Yao Ming, one for every man, woman and child in mainland China. The unknown. The unexpected. The unpredictable. And that's been merely waiting for the next trans-Pacific telephone call in the middle of the night to take another shuffling step in the tortuous process to get Yao a letter of consent from the China Basketball Association and the International Basketball Federation. Let's face it. There are Olympic hurdlers who haven't had to clear as many barriers in their lifetime as the Rockets in trying to make this happen. It is a process that has been as long and difficult as giving birth to an elephant, and the naysayers are being scared off by the labor pains. This is just the start, they say. This is the stuff the Rockets will have to go through year after year, the kind of wrestling with the Chinese government that would make a two-keg game of Twister on a frat house floor seem sane by comparison. They ask what will happen the next time there is a political tempest that strains relations between the United States and China. Will Yao be ordered to return home immediately, leaving the Rockets with a gaping 7-5 hole in their lineup in the middle of the season? Part of the answer to that question lies in the fact Wang Zhizhi was making his NBA debut with the Dallas Mavericks in 2001 at the same time the Chinese army was disassembling our captured spy plane. Behind all of the complicated wrangling and jockeying for position over Yao, the bottom line is the Chinese government wants him to play in the NBA. From a nationalistic and simplistic viewpoint, having Yao practice and play against the best competition in the world is the surest way for the 21-year-old center to improve his skills and thereby lift the Chinese national team with him. Remember, the 2008 Olympics will be in Beijing, and China hopes -- if not expects -- to be a medal contender by then. Yao has played against top-flight international competition, including the latest U.S. Dream Team at the Sydney Olympics. His skills as a shooter and passer -- along with the obvious size -- have drawn favorable assessments from the likes of NBA stars Alonzo Mourning and Kevin Garnett, but there is a gap that needs to be closed. To do that, Yao must be immersed in the American game in every way, from hitting the weight room to having Shaquille O'Neal hit him with a strong elbow or a muscular shoulder. At the top level, it becomes as much about the nuances of the game as the fundamentals. From an economic viewpoint, the CBA and the Chinese government also desire the financial windfall that would come from having the doors to the world's most populous country swung wide-open to the full blare of the American sports culture. Just like the Beijing Olympics, this is less about the camaraderie and brotherhood that comes from athletes bonding and more about raking in a share of our dollars. McDonald's and KFC abound on street corners, and Coca-Cola flows as easily as the Yangtze River, but be assured China craves far more in terms of investment and endorsement dollars. It seems 21st-century communists are less hidebound in their philosophies and more inclined to open their arms to an outside world that could deliver funding of modern luxury palaces for their sports teams and maybe even high-priced corporate naming rights. You know, all the things that make us so warm and cuddly. It would be much easier if Yao could pack his bags, hop on a plane and by the end of next week be starting to learn his way from the Galleria to Westside Tennis Club for five-on-five runs with the boys before heading off to the LA Summer League for indoctrination. Dr. Jack Ramsay, former NBA coach and respected ESPN analyst, says Yao's not joining the Rockets until mid-October, after the World Basketball Championships and the Asian Games, will be a huge hindrance to his development as an NBA rookie. Having said that, Ramsay notes three straight championships by Shaq and the Lakers and suggests anyone who wants to challenge had better bring some size. Sure, the Rockets could trade the No. 1 pick, save themselves some headaches, cut down on the phone bill and make a lot of people happy. For one, Cuttino Mobley, who went on national TV to say the Rockets' players don't want Yao and suggested a deal for the Clippers' Lamar Odom instead. After three years of watching Team Knucklehead pat itself on the back for serving up mediocrity soup, maybe that's the biggest reason to deal with the hassles and take Yao. For a change.
What stands out to me about this article? ...Fran's lameASS similes! My favorites include elephant labor pains and a river of coca-cola...but neither compares to the ol' black cows at midnight!
