Instructions on how to change the oil in your car - FOR WOMEN 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 mins. later write a check and leave w/a properly maintained vehicle. MONEY SPENT Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 TOTAL $21.00
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS - FOR MEN 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store & buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner & a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7-11 & buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home. 3) Open a beer & drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 mins. looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer & drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up & use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on U in the process. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face & arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car & hammer a screwdriver through oil filter & twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car w/dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer w/him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so U can go see his new garage door opener. 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in backyard instead of taking it to be recycle! 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump 1st quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along w/drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole & sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground & avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas. 29) Discover that 1st quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes w/oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip w/stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug & bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 mins. 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands & forehead & bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in 5 fresh quarts of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over & arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hrs. later, get car from impound yard. MONEY SPENT Parts $50.00 DUI $2,500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1,500.00 Beer $40.00 TOTAL -- $4,165.00
why don't you just learn how to change your own oil? it'll save you some money and you'll get the satisfaction that you did it yourself. because after all, if you screw up, you got no one to blame but yourself.
really?? The one over here tried to hire real mechanics and turn around their abysmal screwup record and once he left to turn around another WTL(Walmart Tire and Lube), the incoming manager promptly ranoff all the mechanics cause they were costing too much in salaries..he promptly brought in a bunch of high school kids. bnb...if you notice...I told why I dont like those places...when I was a working mechanic(I was a ASE certified one from 83-93), We had numerous folks over the years brought their vehicles to us after the kids at those places had screwed them up. As for how do you screw it up? Well....stripped drain plug...double gasket...not enough oil...didnt bother to change the filter if it was in a difficult spot... worse case scenario...a couple of times...people came straight in to us after getting their oil done and they were leaking oil badly...normally from one or the other of the problems mentioned above... Sure...you might get lucky at some places...but if I'm having someone work on my big investment...I want someone with experience and that I can trust to do a good job...screwing up a oil change is the quickest way to burn your engine up...adn I wouldnt dream of taking a chance on that...
WHat is even funnier....I actually know a couple of people that most of that applies to. funny stuff....
Ditto what R2K said earlier. Cars nowadays are equipped with oil cooling systems and use ideally viscous oils so that the oil can last longer. In an uncooled, unfooled around with system, conventional oil will always start to significantly break down at about 3,000 miles. Oil filters aren't exactly designed to last much longer than that either. While manufacturers do recommend oil change intervals of 5,000 miles and higher, look at the asterisk. Some apply only to drivers who use synthetic and semi-synthetic oils. Also, the mileage recommendations listed for all services in 99% of owners manuals are for cars that operate under "Perfect Driving Conditions." On the other hand, the recommendations that the dealership service department, Firestone, Jiffy Lube, Brake Check, and places of the like give you are "Severe Service Intervals." Those recommendations apply if you: Frequently idle your car for long periods of time, such as stop-and-go driving in heavy traffic. Drive on the highway in hot weather for long periods of time, such as vacation travel, or going to work daily in Houston or Dallas. Tow a boat or trailer, carry heavy objects on a rooftop rack, or have a morbidly obese wife. Drive in dusty conditions, such as over dirty or gravel roads, or where volcanic ash or Pasadena pollution is blowing around. Operate your car for prolonged periods of time at sub-zero temperatures. Drive on steep hills, mountains or seventy-eight overpasses on a regular basis. If any of these are applicable, you should probably change your oil and various fluids/filtration devices/brakes/spark plugs/etc. more frequently than what the perfect driving recommendations in your manual suggest. Manufacturers have started using these "Perfect Driving Condition" intervals in their manuals as a result of Motor Trend's "What's the cheapest car to maintain over a 5 year span" ratings. Mercedes started it in '98 when they switched the recommendations in their owners manuals to perfect driving and blew away all of the competition in maintenance cost rating. Manufacturers have ulterior motives in their recommendations as much as the service industry does. Do what's best for you and your car. If you plan on keeping it until it dies, err on the side of caution. Otherwise, perfect driving conditions servicing will honestly get you to at least 50,000 miles before you do any significant damage, so just trade it in and get a new one.
See...I check my oil, I'd notice a leak, and I strip the drain plug all by myself . Thanks for the heads-up. I'll be extra careful. You ex-mechanics are worse than ex-waiters about standing up for your own! hmmmmm....and ex-mechanic, and a computer guy. If I ever move to Houston, I'm looking for a house near you.
honestly...it is more about making sure you guys are at least mindful of potential problems than standing up for other mechanics...Id warn you about dishonest mechanics as quick as I warn about incompetent oild change places...cause trust me...there are lots of both out there...you have to be VERY VERY careful when choosing who is trusted with your car..after your house, it is the most expensive thing you own...treat it that way. heh...computers are my thing these days... I do minor maintenance on my own stuff...but anything tough goes to my neighbor who is a very experienced mechanic...It is worth it to me not to have to deal with it anymore.
Manufacturers in the old days may have recommended 3000 mile oil change intervals, but it just isn't necessary anymore. One of the biggest misconceptions is that simply because an oil seems "dark" that it's somehow broken down and gunky. The true measure of an oil's capacity to lubricate is its viscosity... as long as its viscosity holds, it doesn't matter if it looks new, black, brown, whatever. And like I said, the oil change intervals on cars have been going higher and higher in recent years. The onboard computer on my car averages 5000-7000 or so miles before recommending an oil change. There are Vettes with the same technology that do greater than 3000 mile oil change intervals. As for the "correct interval", several years ago 3000 miles was the correct interval, now several manufacturers allow for 7500 mile intervals. And I haven't even brought into the discussion the fact that good syn and syn-blend oils can last a LOT longer than 3000 miles. The only true way to figure if you need to change your oil is by doing a UOA (used oil analysis), not by simple visual inspection. See the following thread on the BITOG forums if you want to get opinions of several people (some who are chemists/chemical engineers/lubrication engineers) who know more than any of us : http://theoildrop.server101.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=000438 That forum is nothing but people looking for the best motor oils to use in their cars, decomposing the components of motor oils, and comparing UOA's all day long. Also read this article and note the comment about the "lube chain" owner making his profits : http://www.performanceoiltechnology.com/threethousandmileoilchange.htm This is in line with Honda and Ford switching to 5w20 as the "preferred" weight motor oil for so many of their engines. Let's see... last year 10w30 was fine, but this year amazingly you guys require a lower weight oil. Yeah, I'm sure that has nothing to do with upping their CAFE ratings/fleet fuel economy. The 3000 mile oil change interval for the majority of cars today is bunk unless your car, for whatever reason is burning up oil. In that case you have other issues that need to be taken care of. Trust me... I know a bit more than software.
Sorry I have an off-topic question. Almost everytime I go to the Oil Changer, the guys would tell me my car need a new air filter. So...how often do we need to change the air filter? Can a new air filter really improve the gas mileage like what they said?
They're probably ripping you off. Do they show it to you? If it's black in dirty, then it might be worth replacing it. However, what Jiffy Lube and those similar places don't tell you is that you can clean a paper/cloth air filter with an air hose and re-use it. If you want a serious increase in gas mileage, get a K&N air filter. They also last the life of your car. I avoid Jiffy Lube and similar places like the plague. I've found that by taking my truck to a real mechanic, it is actually an excellent way to both get to know the mechanic and for the mechanic to get to know my truck.
Absolutely, look at an old, dirty air filter and place it next to a new one--the dofference is night and day. Once that filter is full of particles, it's harder for the air to get through. You won't notice a noticeable difference unless your filter is just completely clogged, but your engine will be VERY happy with you. Remember, engines run at their most powerful and effecient when moving air in, through then out at the least restrictive level. Combustion motors are burning oxygen, gasoline or diesel is merely the catalyst
