ClutchFans Game Thread: Mavericks @ Rockets 5/5/2005 (Playoffs Round 1, Game 6)

Hi everyone. I'm from the future, which is why you don't recognize me. I saw the game (which was why I was in the future) and I thought I would give you a rundown for those of you who can't bear to watch game 6.

***SPOILER ALERT***

Pregame

Kevin Harlan introduces us to Doug Collins, who says that this should be "an exciting game;" a "must win" for both teams, especially Houston, who wants to avoid falling into a 2-4 hole, since there is a 0% chance of coming back from a 2-4 deficit. But also especially for Dallas, who can't afford to lose their momentum. Harlan reports that Master Commisioner Stern has announced that the Rockets' PA query, "Whose ball is it?!?" is to be answered with, and only with, "Who knows!" Violators will be fined harshly. Jeff Van Gundy is wheeled onto the court in full-body restraints.

1st Quarter

[12:00] Yao called for loose ball foul. Yao claps his hands in rage.

[10:34] Jason Terry throws a sick lob pass to Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who puts in a monstrous dunk over Yao Ming.
Collins: "You know, many people may not know this, but Yao Ming is a Communist."
Harlan: "You know how Jesus hates Commies!"
Both share a hearty laugh.

[6:20] Tracy McGrady selfishly drives into the lane for a slam. Toyota Center goes wild, collectively setting down their nachos for a full twelve seconds.

[3:00] Dirk pushes off Bowen, falls down. Yao called for 2nd foul, slumps shoulders in a rare show of anger. Dan Crawford comes off the bench for the Officials.

[0:06] Michael Finley hits a 3-pointer.

2nd Quarter

[12:00] T-Mac selfishly goes to the bench for a rest. Padgett comes in, Dirk greets him with a warm shove.

[8:02] Kevin Harlan confesses his love to Doug Collins. Collins emits a jovial, hearty laugh.

[7:48] T-Mac selfishly returns to the game, then selfishly hits a 3-pointer. Rockets bench cheers. Mutombo injures himself doing the hand sign. Yao called for offensive foul for rising from the bench in a threatening manner.

[5:55] High Priest Stern summons forth a swarm of bees from Avery Johnson's cavernous mouth. The bees foul Dirk Nowitski.

[5:43] Rockets trainers report Mutombo may not be able to finger wag for at least a month.

[3:25] Devin Harris throws a bullet pass off the rim to Bradley, who finishes with a thunderous tip-in over the 7'6" Yao Ming cowering on the bench. Yao grimaces in unparalleled fury.

[0:02] Michael Finley hits a half-court shot.

Halftime

Yao called for fourth and fifth fouls. Yao hops up and down with the anger of a thousand suns.

3rd Quarter

[10:58] Jason Terry penetrates and dishes to the Son of God. And-1 foul on Yao Ming. In a terrifying display of malefic wrath, Yao raises his hands questioningly.

[8:30] Dirk finds himself guarded by Weatherspoon. Officials award Nowitski five free throws for 'gross mismatchment'.

[7:10] T-Mac selfishly blocks Howard's shot. 7th foul on Yao, which will carry over to the next game.

[6:13] Grand Adjudicator David Stern calls lightning from the skies to strike all players on the court except Jerry Stackhouse, who steals the ball and hits the wide-open jumpshot. Stackhouse pumps his fist in triumphant jubilation. Doug Collins admires his hustle and nonconductivity.

[4:49] Officials call technical foul on Dikembe Mutombo for never sending them flowers.

[2:04] Sura confesses his love to T-Mac. TMAC fall in a faint.

[0:00] Michael Finley hits an 80-ft shot.

4th Quarter

[11:32] Dirk runs over to the Rockets bench, shoves Moochie Norris, shoots two free throws. Collins applauds his hustle.

[9:32] Supreme Magistrate Davidius Sternium I decrees that all firstborns in the arena pledge their undying loyalty to Joey Crawford, and sing his praises forevermore.

[4:06] Erick Dampier confesses his love to himself.

[0:01.8] Jerry Stackhouse inexplicably misses a free throw. T-Mac selfishly takes the rebound and foul, selfishly making both free throws. Rockets lead, 127-123.

[-0:03.1] Michael Finley hits a 53-yd 4 pointer.

1st Overtime

[3:33] Dirk's tounge falls off. Foul on Mike James.

[1:07] Jason Terry throws a no-look behind the back wraparound between the legs pass to the Messiah, the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, the Alpha and the Omega, who hits a cold-blooded three.

Final: Houston loses, infinity billion to infinity billion and four.

Postgame

It was a disappointing loss, but we can be proud of this performance. The Rockets played great, but Dallas just played better. They simply wanted it more. But this time I can honestly say that the Rockets were able to play a fair game. I'm very pleased with the officiating in this game. The officials were very fair. The officials did an excellent job. The officials always do an excellent job. The officials always do an excellent job. The officials always do an excellent job. The officials always do an excellent job. The officials always do an excellent job.

***END SPOILER***

 

So creative yet so WEIRD

 

And Random....

 

I see that once again the NBA has put our game 2 1/2 hours behind the start of another game meaning that we'll probably miss the first few minutes of our game again

 

Nicely done, KoolfuZ

 

I found it funny...

 

Hell, I've spent not so much as ONE SECOND in the future and could have wrote that post game report

Excellent post KoolFuz; just hope the part about us losing isn't true. Obviously, not much we can do (witness Van Gundy) about the "excellent job" the officials are doing.

 

This series will go 7 games and Rockets will win in OT on saturday!

 

If you are correct, then may you live a long a happy life.

[if not...err...hope you still live long ]

 

STOP QUOTING THE WHOLE DAMN HALF PAGE, 10 PARAGRAPH POST.

 

Two words....

Go Braves!

 

Soldiers! We are on the brink of a precipice and there's no bridge behind us! I know you are all hungry! I know you are all thirsty! Keep you powder dry, boys! Have brave hearts! Stand with courage!

To conquer or to die!

 

i know

 

Dirk is completely shutdown by Rybo. Rox win!

 

i think stern shouldnt have an affect on our game plan. use the pick n roll with t-mac and yao it was killing dallas and it almost won the game for us. thats our back bone play with our two stars easy money baby. we should pick and roll the hell out of them with yao and t-mac. who cares about what cuban is saying about it. we should use the hell out of it just to rub it in more in cuban's face! and thats why yao is shooting so well in the series. cause when yao rolls to the basket he gets good position by the basket and his defender always seems to foul him on that play or he scores. then when yao is rolling toward the basket tracy can either keep driving and dish when doubled or pass it to the 7'6 dude that just happens to be going toward the basket on the pick and roll play!

 

I like that. Pick and roll the hell out of them.

 

WE WONT LOSE 4 IN A ROW TO MAVS! WE'RE GONNA WIN NEXT 2 AND THE SERIES!! BLEED ROCKET RED!

 

Do or die time. Come on Rockets and win the series! GO ROCKETS! DESTROY THE MAVS!!!

 

Tonight, on Cinco De GunDay, the Rockets will TACO THE MAVS!

 

The story does not end tonight.

Rockets blow out the Mavs....giddy-up.