Worst/Best Day of Your Life

The dead wife did it.

 

Using my credit card at Target between November 27 & December 15

 

Isn't it ironic?

Dontcha think?

 

I'm 14 and my mother and father are fighting again... y'know, because she caught him again. Caught him... This time the girl drove by the house to pick him up. And I finally realized, he wasn't just cheating on my mother, he was cheating us. So I told him, I said, "You're bad to us. We don't love you. I'll take care of my mother and my sister. We don't need you any more." And he made like he was gonna hit me, but I didn't budge. And he turned around and he left. He never bothered us again. Well, I took care of my mother and my sister from that day on. That's my best day.

Spoiler

 

I got my first real six-string, bought it at the five-and-dime. Played it 'til my fingers bled. It was the summer of '69. Me and some guys from school had a band, and we tried real hard. Jimmy quit, Jody got married. I should've known we'd never get far.

Oh, when I look back now that summer seemed to last forever. And if I had the choice, I'd always wanna be there.

Those were the best days of my life.

 

Viagra ad potential?

 

A little too ironic, yeah I really do think.

 

At least he had a smart grandson. Don't let that deal go to waste!

 

Like a traffic jam when you're already late?

 

checking into rehab.

 

My father was a drinker and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me and says, "Why so serious?" Comes at me with the knife. "WHY SO SERIOUS?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face." And...

 

He should have ate with the spoon and not the knife.