What are your views on relationships, specifically marriage?

Antiquated. I did it because I legally had to. The only real case I can see for it is as protection from deadbeat parents who leave single parent children without adequate support.

It doesn't really affect the likelihood of a happy, passionate, sexual, intellectual, spiritual, emotional future.

It's simply a piece of paper.

 

My idea on marriage has evolved, just as you stated about the status quo. Marriage takes a lot of time, effort, and hardwork----having it evaporate takes so much out of you. Its just much easier to have a relationship without that sort of commitment and if it doesn't work out, say, "we tried." I know its easier to say that from us guys, but I think more and more women are starting to believe in it too. If you do find that person to take the leap with, great, but I think the criteria has been raised.

 

Secondly, I don't care what anybody else says, its a bad idea for single parents to be raising kids. Its also messy for kids to be have to put in a position where they see their perfect world separated into who gets weekends. If I had my way, birth control would be mandatory for everybody until they could prove that they have stability in their lives, and they realize that children are not just a joy, but a privilege to have. You don't get to procreate, **** up, and act like they should be in for w.e ride.

 

I'd like to see you, OP, present some data support your claims.

 

Right but in the real world people aren't having children for fun.

Also, kids aren't the only important thing in the world. Society is better off with sad separate parents and a confused child, than with a miserable pair of parents and a traumatized child.

I get what you mean though. I don't even understand why people still procreate when they can adopt, except to worship their own genetics, which is what we tell people to not do all the time.

 

As long as there isn't abuse, two parents are better than one. Somethings are more important than being politically correct.

As for marriage, people shouldn't be forced to do it, it should be an individual choice. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made and would speak well of it to someone that wants to get married and is willing to work at it.

 

Why not? It hasn't been my experience that marriage is being viewed as antiquated. Most of the well educated people I know are still getting married at a fairly decent rate, just older .... and by the same token not getting divorced as often.

 

Marriage is like buying a boat or plane, you go into it really optimistic, but you often realize that it costs a LOT more than you thought it was going to and often you end up happier when you don't have to deal with it anymore.

 

I completely believe marriage is not as "important" to those 18 to 30, as it wasn't as common or important for my age group (30 to 40) when we were 18-30.

Only other observation I will make is that I don't know that marriage is antiquated as much as it has been pushed back to later. Studies seem to substantiate that, with a fairly sizeable increase in marriage rates for college educated 30-35 year olds.

I would agree that people feel less pressure to marry or have children, which is a good thing.

 

In 50 years . . . . . people will look at monogamous marriages like people looked at homosexuals 50 years ago.

Rocket River

 

QUESTION: What do you NEED other people for?

Rocket River

 

You're not old enough if you haven't realize that at some point people need other people.

 

Get married if you want. If you don't, don't.

Just depends on the situation and the people involved.

Also I think moving in with someone is the bigger test of a relationship. Finding someone you like and respecting each other's boundaries isn't as hard as sharing a home, IMO. I always think it's crazy when people get married before ever having lived together. All of my long term gfs have eventually moved in with me, and for all but one of them (my Mrs) that is where I realized that they weren't the long term solution.

When my wife and I got married, nothing changed. My only regret is spending too much on the wedding. My advice: go cheap on the wedding, make it small, spend even more on the honeymoon.

 

Of course they aren't the only important thing, but once you have them they are the most important. I think you're probably a father, so you understand that no matter how much you and wife may hate each other, for the good of your child you'll at least put up a united front and give your child the support he/she deserves. And, yes people don't have kids for fun, they accidentally have them while having fun (younger couples) which is why BC is so important. I'll also echo what Nook said, apart from physical or emotional abuse/trauma couples can absolutely stay together for the betterment of the kid---its basically turned into "i just don't have feelings for you anymore or we've moved on and the spark is gone.

What do people expect after 10+ years together? We're not monogamous by nature, we're monogamous because thats what we've deemed to be the most advantageous in society. Couples have their ups and downs and sure the spark will be gone but just because that happens doesn't give parents the selfish right to toss kids around. If people don't feel like that is acceptable, they shouldn't get married and/or should use every means of contraception available. Its the responsible, smart, and ethical thing to do.

 

There is a financial tax incentive along with better medicaid such as free birthing costs for the needy. I sure had to pay half the fees because of not being married at the time.

 

Posters like DudeWah do not deal with reality, which may include facts and such. I doubt he is even capable of making the minimal effort of googling 'single parent', 'divorce rate', and other such data.