Dreamshake, you are definitely in a tough situation. If I were you, I would apoligize to the girl for calling her shady and explain to here that you didn't mean anything by it since the two of you were joking around prior to the comment. Basically keep it short and sweet. Apoligize to the girl and be done with it. As for the girls mother(if they make you apoligize to her), if I were you I would keep my dignity and my pride and stare her in the eye, and say quote, "And I apoligize to you for my remarks on the phone. I never should have let your bigotted comments get to me." I would do no more than that, especially not taking the time to write them a letter of apoligy. ------------------ Don't you have anything better to do?
I would apologize and then forget about it. It's easier than you think to do that. Don't let it bother you because they win if you do. There are better things in life to worry about. If you stand your ground then what do you really gain. Nothing. You lose. You can keep your pride even if you apoligize. Even though you may not think so, your pride will still belong to you. The time to stand up against all odds is when you have no other alternatives. You have options. I've sucked it up many times. That doesn't make me a wimp. It can make you stronger. Go home and watch "do the right thing". That will show you what a poor decision can lead to. Choose wisely. I respect you either way. Only you can decide what is best. ------------------ humble, but hungry.
Agree to the apology, meet in an uninhabited alley, and then put a cap in each of their respective arses. Just kidding. I joke around too much also (probably exhibited by the previous paragraph), and sometimes jokes backfire... accept it. Apologize for the misunderstanding. Addressing the slur: If your boss hasn't gone to the mat for you in that regard, then bringing it up in the conversation w/ those people would only be good in the following situations... a.) You have money in the bank. b.) You have another job lined up. c.) You have photos of your boss in a precarious situation. It sounds as if you're being pragmatic about this, so I imagine you'll merely give the bs apology, and then immediately start looking for another job. These are the things that in a strong economy, do not have to be tolerated. Good luck. ------------------ I've posted so much that what I say must be true. The latest on Maurice Taylor
If you quit your job, don't forget to leave an 'upper decker' in the bathroom. ------------------ I've posted so much that what I say must be true. The latest on Maurice Taylor
It's hard for me to say, being a white male. It would be easy for me to say bite the bullet, apologize and start looking for a new job. Yet, I've never had any racial slurs yelled at me either. I'm sure you'll do the right thing, the fact that you're wrestling with this decision shows you will, no matter what you choose. Good luck. ------------------ "I'll drop kick those f*ckin' dogs if they come anywhere near me." visit www.swirve.com
Dude, screw those people and your boss. They can't make you disgrace yourself. I spent many of my younger years in retail hell and I couldn't stand it. I am here to tell you that customers are NOT always right. People know that that they can get almost anything they want if they complain enough, right or wrong. I would never give them the satisfaction of knowing that they got their way, knowing that they were wrong. They expect you to give in. Your bossses expect you to give in because when it comes down to it, they don't care about you. They only care about the money that all these lying bastards spend at their establishments. What's the saying? F*ck 'em if they can't take a joke. That job is not worth it, man. There are plenty of other retail jobs out there. If you were making good money then you must be good at what you do. You will find something else. Those kinds of people cannot be allowed to continue these types of tactics. If i was you, I would pretend like I'm gonna apologise then let loose on the Mom, or whoever belittled you. Tell here to take racist ass and go f*ck herself. That's me, though! Good luck man. ------------------ RocketFuel is dead!
I want to thank everyone for their honest input and advice. Tomorrow is judgement day. So far, I am leaning in the direction of refusing to even be in the same room with this lady. I just couldnt in good concious, be forced into being in the same room with a bigot who degraded my entire race of people. It really feels to me like I would be accepting her discriminating remarks to me. I unfortunately may indeed lose my job. But it isnt near as heavy a price to pay compared to mine and my families self dignity. Now dont get me wrong. I am hoping that this resolves in my favor. I dont want to have to quit. I dont want to have to possibly struggle with bills if I am unable to secure the right job. So if you dont see me around here for a while..... just kidding. Once again thanks for all your input fellows, believe it or not, it has given me lots to think about, and mull over. ------------------ "I have amazing, powers of observation"...Pink
Here's my advice, Dreamshake. You know the truth, and God knows the truth, and that's all that matters. And you have a family to think of. And these sorry people who want your apology -- what they think means nothing. The question here is not whether to apologize. Apologizing, in my book, means you really think you did something wrong and are really sorry for it. The question is whether to lie, i.e., to pretend to apologize when you don't believe or mean a word of it. If your account of what happened is true, these people have behaved despicably and have forfeited their right to hear the truth from you. Therefore I believe it is OK for you to lie to them, by walking into that room and telling them, as sincerely as you can fake it, that you're sorry. Do not let pride stand in your way. Remember, you know and God knows the truth. You know and God knows that you did nothing wrong and that these people are sad bigots. That's all that matters. What you say to them is a question of whether to tell that truth or to lie. If you can't stand to lie -- if your moral code stands in the way -- then I respect you for that decision. But do not let pride stand in the way. Be strong. Your pride is inside you. You can carry it into that room and carry it out, regardless of what you say to them, because what they hear and what they think means nothing. In fact, in situations like this, I actually enjoy apologizing, because I know I'm lying to the SOB's, and they don't. That's my advice. It's your decision. Peace.
I forgot to mention that if you do this, obviously somehow you have to leave your daughter with somebody outside the room while you're in with these people. This lie would have to be for their worthless ears only.
"Men are the slaves of life; and it is slavery that fills their days with scorn and shame, drowning their nights in blood and tears..... Thus slavery has many names but only one reality, numerous guises but only one essence. Moreover, slavery is an eternal evil, with neither beginning nor end, manifesting itself in different symptoms and impairments that children inherit from their parents, just as they inherit the breath of life; and the centuries cast its seeds into the soil of centuries, just as the seasons harvest what is sown by the seasons..... Blind slavery is that which binds people's present life to their parents' past, which makes their souls bow down before the traditions of their ancestors and gives them new bodies in place of old spirits, repainted tombs in place of dry bones..... Deaf slavery is that which forces the individual to follow the same leanings as his particular circle, to wear the same colors and the same clothes, becoming in this way an echo without a voice, a shadow without a body. Limping slavery is that which puts vigorous men under the yoke of the cunning, and makes them submit their strength to those who are greedy for honor and glory; in this way they are manipulated like puppets, only to be discarded tomorrow..... Chameleon-like slavery is that which buys things at an unfair price and endows values with names that are not theirs; it describes verbiage as knowledge, spite as intelligence, weakness as kindness and cowardice as pride. Underhand slavery is that which uses fear to loosen the tongues of the weak: in the end they speak of things that they do not feel and express ideas that are in no way their inmost beliefs, becoming in this way like pieces of cloth that are ironed and hung up." Kahlil Gibran Don't be a slave to someone else's beliefs or codes, and certainly not to someone else's fears and insecurities. Above all, endeavor not to be a slave to your own fears and insecurities. If you do what you think is best for your family, that is certainly understandable and noone, I think, would fault you for it. In the same token, do what you feel is right, what will feed your soul, and what will enable you to respect the person you see in the mirror. Whatever you do, however, do it without fear. Do it with pride. Pride in the person you are, pride in the person you want your daughter to become. Best wishes, Gascon ------------------ "Have we not here the best cards in the game to win this easy match played for a crown?....." Bill Shakespeare [This message has been edited by Gascon (edited August 17, 2000).]
Dreamshake -- I just wanted to put my two cents in on this matter because it's an incredibly tough dilemna you're in -- no doubt. I've had to deal with a very sick and dishonest individual who twists facts and history so badly in order to clear himself and discredit me because I am the only person who knows what this individual has really done.... just as you were the only person who heard what this lady really said on the phone. Now she can take bits and pieces of what really happened and twist them to put you in a bad light and make herself appear innocent. My point is I know exactly what you're feeling. This lady, in the game of life, is so much worse off than you. I don't know what kind of business you're in or what the market is for your skills ... personally I tend to agree with what SpaceCity says -- "to hell with them", but I also know Space is in computers/web like myself where employers beg you to stay and if you do leave you can pretty much have your pick of jobs. If you feel that is the case, that a lateral move could be made or possibly even a job that compensates better, then do what you feel is morally right and be prepared to take another job elsewhere. But in my opinion, you only lose here if this lady takes away your income, makes it hard on your family, tough with a new baby coming on and possibly puts you in debt just to have the baby delivered. If you would be without a job (or a job of similar compensation) for some time, then why let this b**** take money out of your pocket? In that case, apologize to the girl. If the mom requests an apology, then tell her why you called her a redneck loser, because of the racial slur. It doesn't sound like it, but who knows -- she "might" apologize for that. I like a lot what dc sports said about apologizing... make it pretty scripted. I don't know much about legal cases, but if you lose your job as a result of a customer making a racial slur at you, and your company forcing you to apologize on your day off -- that to me sounds like a possible case. Where's todd the bod to throw in his two cents when you need him. Good luck to you today bud and let us know how it went... ------------------ NOTHING BUT .NET CLUTCHCITY.NET
Well its officially 4:55 here on the east coast. Update time. I called my work this morning, to ask them what they expect of me. "Too busy to talk right now call back later" Called again at 3:30. Still to busy to answer the phone...Actually, I got the ol "Umm ____ is too busy to talk right now" You know, the scripted response from an employee who was told to say that. Fearing that because they hadnt contacted me, that indeed I was going to lose my job, and they were not calling in response to me saying I would not be in the same room with the lady. I was at a point where I was just about to go in anyhow. Till my wife turned to me and said Dont do it. That she could tell it would demoralize me, and that we would find a way around it. So here it is 4:58 now, and no calls, no "Hey, where are you's" or any "Yes we need you to be here at 4:30" calls. Dont know how to take it actually. Guess Ill show up for work tomorrow bright and early and see what is up. Thanks Will and Clutch, always appreciate the advice. ------------------ "I have amazing, powers of observation"...Pink
I'd say this is good news, Dreamshake. Sometimes if you just let it go for a few hours or a couple of days -- in the absence of missing a clear appointment, which there doesn't seem to be in this case -- the "plaintiff" loses interest. You made your phone calls, so you're covered. Let's see what happens.
I don't know who these people are but they are an embarrassment to America. The girl and you were obviously joking around with each other. She even implicated herself as a suspect by saying what she said. And, with Mom calling you what she did, she should BE EMBARRASSED TO come to the store with her daughter for an apology(for nothing). She called you something and you had every right to fire back after that. I hope that is what happened. They finally realized how much of an embarrassment they are and just blew it off. Calling someone shady in a joking context is not wrong. WHat is wrong is the girl went spouting to Mama and twisted the story all around. And, Mom, being the redneck that she is(LOL), had to demoralize herself by exhibiting her racism in the phone call. SCREW HER! This had nothing to do with racism but she had to play the racism card. I'm glad you didn't apologize. This should have been over before it even started. Stupid girl and racist Mama...take a hike. Go live in the valley with the rest of the stuck-ups bi-ya-tches. Although, it would be interesting to meet a true redneck...LOL. Surf ------------------
Dreamshake, I am really glad you did not go. Seems as if it was resolved without you - that should be good. Enjoy your Saturday at work. ------------------ "Feminism is a Socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy cpitalism, and become lesbians" -Rev Pat Robertson
Almost forgot to update this thread. Anyways, I was indeed expected to apologize...That is until the regional president found about about the situation. He gave my District supervisor a call. Who in turn, called me, and told me this. In NO way am I expected to apologize to the lady, and given the extent of my apology to the girl over the phone (in which she acknowledged) I would not have to apologize to the girl again. That one apology to the was more than sufficient. How glad am I that I didnt agree with the original demands? ------------------ "I have amazing, powers of observation"...Pink [This message has been edited by Dreamshake (edited August 21, 2000).]
I guess he/she is also a Rocket fan/ClutchCity.net fan and was reading your post. I am very glad that it worked out in your favor. Best wishes to you, your wife and your new baby.
That is great, great news. What is your company? That was a totally stand-up thing for the regional manager to do.
