Tough Decision. Advice anyone?

I always thought is was "chink"....


JUST KIDDING!

Man, that is a tough decision to make. But, I think in your situation (baby on the way) you should apologize for calling her daughter "shady". In all fairness she may have taken it the wrong way, but you did say it. It sucks to have to take all the **** the girls mom dished out on the phone, but as I've said, "People are inately evil.". Keep your dignity by apologizing for what you did that was innappropriate (regardless of intent, it was still not something you should say to a customer). Make sure you onlyp apologize for the "shady" remark. Don't get pressured into kissing their ass.

GOOD LUCK

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I have a dream.........his name's Hakeem.
DREAMer's Rocket Page

 

talk to a lawyer.
since your company is so afraid of lawsuits maybe a threat of a wrongful termination suit might at least delay your firing until after delivery. good luck to you.

 

This is really bizarre.

From what I understand, they really want you to go under.

I'd say that they would actually be satisfied if you did not apologise. You would get your ass booted, and they wouldn't care. I mean, what's an apology from a "guy like you" anyway? They don't respect you or your race, no matter how you look at it.
So, in my opinion, you should kiss some serious ass! You heard it right. Just flatter them and say how "sorry" you are. Don't go sarcastic, as they'll probably catch on if you do. After this, they have but no choice to fully forgive you.
Try swallowing your pride in front of these people for the sake of your family. At the same time, you will not lose dignity in the eyes of those you actually care about, as they will realize the type of game you're playing with the idiots.

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What utter bull****.

This is what's wrong with America today. There are so many uneducated, racist idiots running around who are constantly on guard for the slightest sign of personal attack.

I would certainly not apologize to her. She's probably thinking, "Ugh! A stupid chink called me a thief! I'm not taking this crap from a lousy chink!" She's not worth the time.

Also, I suggest you bring a dictionary along with you and cleanse her ignorance:

shady

1. Full of shade; shaded.
2. Casting shade: a shady grove.
3. Quiet, dark, or concealed; hidden.
4. Of dubious character or honesty; questionable. See Synonyms at dark.

Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition


There is no way that the word could be interpreted to mean "poor." "Thief" is remotely possible, but is still stretching it. An appropriate synonym would be "mysterious."

I would not give the b**** the satisfaction of an apology. It's just so ****ing ridiculous. Of course, the choice is yours.

This type of crap makes me glad I live in Canada, where people aren't so god damn uptight.



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My dream job is to be a Houston Rockets towel-boy.

 

Buddy, I feel for you, but your choice seems obvious to me. You have to apologize. there are no ifs, ands or buts about it. You are not in the wrong, but you have to ensure your future child and spuses health first. There are ignorant people in this world, yes. But right now you HAVE TO put taht aside because you certainly have more important things to worry about. I know you dont want to teach your child about not standing up forherself, but you have to make achoice. This way you teach her about the importance of family, about responsibility and priorities. I would suggest looking for another job immediately though. Obviously, you cant do this as well as you could if you had free time on your hands, but you should definitely do it anyway. You need to keep working until you can find another job that can support you. At that point, you should quit though, certainly. But you have to suck it up now and jus tmove on from this incident.

As a side note, I really think people are too easily offended these days. The slang word shady is used up North all the time, at least in Philadelphia, and it is no big deal. Everybody is shady in one way or another.

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Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women!

 

hmmm, did you really only call the mom a redneck loser or are you just toning it down?

Apologize to the daughter.

Just say " I'm sorry I offended you. It was not my intention. "

Don't even look at the mother. Don't respond to her at all. And, does your daughter have to be present at the time? Can't you have one of your colleagues watch her in another part of the store while this is going on?

I would not want any child around people like that.

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I am so exasperated that I could expectorate.

 

oh yeah, you could also buy them a dictionary.

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I am so exasperated that I could expectorate.

 

FACT: You called the girl "shady".

FACT: That word is not complimentary it is derrogatory.

FACT: An employee of a business should not call a customer "shady".

OPINION: Because you were joking with the girl you had no malicious intent behind the word. But, there's always the possibility that someone can take what you say the wrong way.

I say take responsibility for what you said, but go no further in apologizing to the girl's family. You cannot lose any dignity for merely apologizing for offending the girl. Wouldn't you like for the girl's mother to apologize to you for offending you? I realize what she said was worse, but the outcome "being offended" was the same.

I understand your aversion to apologizing, but you need the job, and you did say something innappropriate.

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I have a dream.........his name's Hakeem.
DREAMer's Rocket Page

 

Dreamshake- I certainly understand the situation that you currently find yourself in. I worked in the restaurant business for many years and had to deal with plenty of moronic people. Those of us that have had the "privilege" to work in the service industry were taught from day one that the customer is king. It is often a hard pill to swallow especially when you feel like you are in the right. I had to swallow my pride plenty of times for the "good of the company" or to keep my job. I don't regret it one bit. It doesn't make you less of a person to bite your toungue on get on with your life.

The problem here is that this is a win-win situation for this woman. If you get fired she will be happy. If you quit she will be satified. The same holds true if you apolgize. Whatever decision you make this whole mess will be over for her soon. However, the decision you make might affect your family for quite some time.

The way I see it, you have to do what is right for your family. Eventhough this woman has insulted your personal pride, your choice affects more than just you.

It is a shame that this country has become so uptight that we have to choose our words so carefully. Thats just the way it is. It doesn't really matter what you said to the girl or even what you meant, it is her perception that is the issue. It's not unlike most sexual harassment cases.

I realize that this woman offended you, but if you think about it that was what she was trying to do. She used racial slurs to ellicit a response from you. She only wins if you let her remarks get to you. She has no power unless you give it to her.

Anyway, thats my two cents. BTW I wish you would rethink the insurance thing. Take it from me, you never know what might happen

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[This message has been edited by Brad (edited August 16, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Brad (edited August 17, 2000).]

 

ugghh

what a lack of respect for you! Even if you do apologize, I also think you should search for another job.

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I am so exasperated that I could expectorate.

 

'Shake--

Since you have heavy family obligations I think you should apologize. However, if you have to bring your daughter to work w/ you hide her somewhere. Don't let her see the outcome to this bigotry and idiocy.

Ufortunately, pride and dignity has to be swallowed sometimes.

Rob

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visit my website @ http://home.icq.com/bayoucitybob/

1999-2000 Sportscaster of the Year @ KTXT-FM, Lubbock

 

OK.

1. Recognize that you were wrong. It was a joke, and everyone makes jokes, but obviously she didn't take it the way you intended. Obviously, you shouldn't have sunk to the level of the mother, even though she was very wrong -- not at work. So there's no harm in apologizing for what you did do. There's no shame in that, we all make mistakes -- but I take it you know that.

I think they were also very, very wrong, especially the mother. But keep in mind she's a mother hen coming to the defense of her daughter -- a feeling I'm sure you can understand. The daughter probably didn't give her the full story either, so she might not fully understand the situation. (Racial remarks are always wrong.)

2. Your bosses were placed in an awkward position. They recognize that what you did was wrong, and they want to defend you, but not your actions. My take is that they value you as an employee, but they feel that their hands are tied. The name of the game should be to diffuse, but they are confusing that with getting the customer's approval.

No offense to them, but it doesn't sound like they have a lot of training appropriate for their position. I don't think they are reacting right, or taking the right action. Especially if they feel you were in the right, they should try to stay a little more neutral, and not show so much fear of "being sued." And they should know better -- no lawyer would take a suit like this, and what, exactly, would be the charge?

But you can probably use that fear, and that desire to avoid an awkward position to help you out. You can help them out of the jam.

I work in a very customer service oriented business, with a lot of employees that deal with the public under less than ideal circumstances. As a general rule, if someone is unhappy with an employee, the first thing we do is separate the employee and the customer. No matter who is right, the stress and anger are still there, and it's not appropriate to put either in a position where these feelings could be stirred up again. You want to diffuse the situation, not allow it to get worse.

Personally, I think your bosses should do the apologizing, and all of the talking with the customer. Putting you in a room with them isn't appropriate at all -- it puts everyone in an awkward position, and the only good thing it does (for them) is to take the burden off of them -- at the expense of making you a target, for three people, not one.

Also, it's against the wage and hours act to discipline employees outside of their normal working hours. It's illegal. And, they can't require you to come in without being paid.

3. They should take control of the situation. If they aren't going to take the initiative, you should try to guide them. Whatever happens, make sure you sit down with them beforehand, and find out what they expect you to do. It wouldn't hurt to get it in writing, if you can without pressing the issue. Don't threaten, just say that you want to be clear, so that you don't complicate the situation more.

I'd offer to write a letter of apology. See if this would be an acceptable compromise. You could point out some of the above, and just tell them that you are afraid that your presence would further anger the parents. Tell them you are willing to accept responsibility for what you did, but that you don't want to put them (your bosses) in the position of dealing with a confrontation.

You can write a letter that apologizes, without saying that you were in the wrong. You can also take more care in phrasing it, and it keeps from giving the parents an obvious target. Not to mention, people tend to believe what they see on paper more than what they are told.

4. If you do have to apologize in person, don't take your daughter. Explain your situation to your boss, and find another way. It sounds like she's too young to understand, but it puts you in an uncomfortable situation.

Keep it short and sweet. I'd write it down in advance, exactly how you want to say it. Review it with your bosses, and get their approval, so that they will have to back you up. Know what you are going to say before you go in, and don't change anything -- stick to the script. Apologize for your actions, but don't offer any explanation, and don't get into a discussion. Don't go beyond your script.

I hate to point to Clinton as an example for anything, but his response to the grand jury questioning in the Lewinski hearing was nearly flawless (for the position he chose.) After his brief statement, in response to any question, he apologized, and didn't get into any details that they could use for ammunition. You acted inappropriately, you're sorry, and the specifics aren't important. Don't give them anywhere else to go with it.

I like the following phrases:
"I take your concerns very seriously."
"We try to give excellent service to our customers, and in this instance we failed you. I'm sorry."
"Thank you for pointing out this problem. This will help me to do my job better in the future."
"As someone who is a father, I can understand why you would be upset if your daughter is placed in an awkward position. That was not my intent. I apologize for the misunderstanding, and it will not happen again."

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Stay Cool...

 

Man, sorry to hear about that... As hard as it may be to do, I think you should bite your tongue... Not because she took things to seriously, and didn't know what the word shady meant, but because your wife is pregnant and you'll need that income. Then you should look for another job if you have to see that person again. My mom always told me not to quit my job, no matter how much I wanted to... Until I found a new one.. Good luck.

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Dreamshake --

DC Sports nailed it right on the head -- our goverment protects you from humiliating situations such as the on you face. You have no obligation to report to work on your day off...so don't.

What I don't understand is what kind of human being, fully aware of the humiliation and degradation a man under his charge (employment here) has already been subjected, would further submit his employee to additional humiliation?

Give your two weeks, dude, and find a new job. We all maybe be just cogs in the capitalist clockwork but slavery's done and gone -- noone desrves to be treated like a dog.,

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It doesn't matter if I have a signature!

 

tell your story to the National Association of Asian American Professionals (NAAAP) Houston Chapter
http://www.naaap-hou.org/naaap/
email: naaap@naaap-hou.org

perhaps an attorney there can give you some legal advice.

 

As hard as it is to take, I don't beleive there is any shame or loss of dignity in apologizing. If you were to quit or get sacked for not cooperating, then you have lost to these obviously ignorant people.

After reading dc sport's advice, I don't have much more to offer you other than:-

1. I disagree about giving no explanation. Whatever form the apology takes (letter, face to face) you should tell them that yes, you acted innappropriately, but the racial slur deeply upset you. This is the year 2000 in America my friend - if a fellow employee had said that to you, they would be gone in a wink. You should talk to your employers before the meeting requesting that they acknowledge that the racial reference by the lady was also innappropriate - if they refuse it puts them in a very precarious position.
2. Preserve your income and family. Standing up for your principles is great but you have to choose your battles. Just be safe in the knowledge that your moral integrity is still in place. In one way or another, this lady will pay her dues.
3. You are apologizing for a) a misunderstanding about the reference to being "shady" and b) calling the lady a "loser, redneck" both of which could be construed as being innappropriate in a customer client relationship. By apologizing, you ARE NOT condoning their opinions or doing a disservice to your race.

What intrigues me the most is why this lady wants to meet you face to face. With all due respect, you would think they have better things to do. I'm thinking that the daughter has spun her a very shady story about what you actually said, so don't be surprised if she comes out with something new.

Let us know how it goes.

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