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This really happened. Kinda funny, and 100% true...

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by BrianKagy, Aug 18, 2000.

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  1. BrianKagy

    BrianKagy Contributing Member

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    ...even though the first part of this story is going to read like a letter to Penthouse.

    This morning, at about 5:00 AM, I heard someone pounding like holy hell on (what I thought was) my front door. Just banging to beat the devil. I am an extremely light sleeper, so I was up and out of bed in an instant.

    I go downstairs, groggy and weaving, and open the front door.

    No one's there.

    I peer around the corner, to the next-door apartment, and I see a woman kicking the hell out of it. She's soaking wet, blonde, and naked from the waist up. She's clutching a Sam Adams in one hand and pressing a towel to her chest with the other.

    Seriously.

    Now, I am as red-blooded as any other 26-yr old male, but I also have a temper that makes Bob Knight look about as animated as a corpse. So, instead of focusing on the blonde part or the naked part, I focus on the "Kagy's awake at 5:00 AM" part and say politely, "What the **** do you think you're doing?"

    She turns around, practically falls down, and starts telling me her sob story. Her drunk roommate had driven the two of them home (we're dealing with a couple real smart girls here), then locked her out by mistake. So this girl is trying to wake her roommate up by destroying the front door to the apartment.

    At this point, I'm dumbfounded. Between how angry I was, how hungover I was, and how just plain sleepy I was, rational thought was impossible.

    What would you have done? You'da offered the girl a shirt, wouldn't you? I mean, I would have had I been thinking clearly.

    Instead, I asked her if she wanted me to call the cops to let her in, or call a locksmith, or come in and use the phone.

    Now, of all the dumb questions I've ever asked a woman, those take the cake. Let's translate those innocent inquiries through the probably mindset of a half-naked, drunken female:

    Would you like me to call over several men who will probably arrest you for public intoxication and nudity?

    Or, I can call a locksmith over so he can stare at your t*** while he unlocks the door.

    Or, you can come into the apartment of a complete stranger and hang out for a while!

    I'm so smooth.

    Anyway, she declined on all three offers, and said she was going to go sleep in her car. And that's the last I saw of her.

    This is one of the five weirdest things that have ever happened to me.

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    Is it ironic to say you've sworn off swearing?

    [This message has been edited by BrianKagy (edited August 18, 2000).]
     
    #1 BrianKagy, Aug 18, 2000
  2. Clutch

    Clutch Administrator
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    Damn, I can only imagine the other four!

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    NOTHING BUT .NET
    CLUTCHCITY.NET
     
    #2 Clutch, Aug 18, 2000
  3. PhiSlammaJamma

    PhiSlammaJamma Member

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    You were lucky. This is what happened in "The Firm" with Tom Cruise. If I were to guess the Mob was setting you up for blackmail. Good thing you didn't sleep with her. You could have brought Clutch City to it's knees. Karl Malone may have been involved in this nasty plot. I wouldn't put it past him. How were the boobies anyway?

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    humble, but hungry.

    [This message has been edited by PhiSlammaJamma (edited August 18, 2000).]
     
    #3 PhiSlammaJamma, Aug 18, 2000
  4. Achebe

    Achebe Contributing Member

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    BK,

    From now on, keep her on her toes by winking at her and giving her the 'Fonz'. She probably won't remember what happened last night (this morning), but you can make her wonder. [​IMG]

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    I've posted so much that what I say must be true.

    The latest on Maurice Taylor
     
    #4 Achebe, Aug 18, 2000
  5. RocketMan Tex

    RocketMan Tex Contributing Member

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    "She turns around, practically falls down, and starts telling me her sob story. Her drunk roommate had driven the two of them home (we're dealing with a couple real smart girls here), then locked her out by mistake. So this girl is trying to wake her roommate up by destroying the front door to the apartment."

    The line to use was....

    "Awww, baby, why don't you come into my apartment and tell me all about it. Would you like another beer? How about a rupee? Now sit on my lap over here and tell me what Uncle Brian can do for you..."

    This is the Ladies Man signing off. Now where's that bottle of Courvosier?


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    Bring It!!
     
    #5 RocketMan Tex, Aug 18, 2000
  6. BrianKagy

    BrianKagy Contributing Member

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    That's another thread entirely. [​IMG]

    LOL... "Nothin' says lovin' like pitchers of two nekkid ladies humpin'."



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    Is it ironic to say you've sworn off swearing?
     
    #6 BrianKagy, Aug 18, 2000
  7. RocketsPimp

    RocketsPimp Contributing Member

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    I guess you can only be so smooth after being woken up at 5 in the morning. Good job BK. At least now you have the door open for the future.

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    Don't you have anything better to do?
     
    #7 RocketsPimp, Aug 18, 2000
  8. gr8-1

    gr8-1 Contributing Member

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    With all the perverts that patrol clutchcity, I can't believe none of you have asked this question : Brian, what did she look like ???

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    "The road to hell is paved with Republicans." :)
     
    #8 gr8-1, Aug 18, 2000
  9. keeley

    keeley Contributing Member

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    "Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo."


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    Clutch Goons, Inc.
     
    #9 keeley, Aug 18, 2000
  10. mrpaige

    mrpaige Contributing Member

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    Fletch?



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    #10 mrpaige, Aug 18, 2000
  11. Surfguy

    Surfguy Contributing Member

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    Sounds like you missed the really good part...the part where she was skinny dipping in the apartment pool before she was banging on the door soaking wet.

    Then, maybe you could have walked by, sucked in your gut, flexed your muscles, and said, "Do you know where the weight room is?" while you pretended to just be in the vicinity of the pool at 5 am [​IMG].

    Surf



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    #11 Surfguy, Aug 18, 2000
  12. BrianKagy

    BrianKagy Contributing Member

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    Two problems with that, Surfguy: I don't have a gut. And I don't have any muscles to flex. [​IMG]

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    Is it ironic to say you've sworn off swearing?
     
    #12 BrianKagy, Aug 18, 2000
  13. Dr of Dunk

    Dr of Dunk Clutch Crew

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    BK,

    So where do you live? Can I come visit? I always wanted to umm.... say hello to an admin. *ahem*

    P.S. -- I'll bring the Sam Adams!

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    Just shut up and post
     
    #13 Dr of Dunk, Aug 18, 2000
  14. Dreamshake

    Dreamshake Contributing Member

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    So I understand this story...that is all but one part.

    What on earth was she doing topless to begin with? And how exactly did she get locked out being that they all had to of got out of the same vehicle.

    So the only conclusion I can come up with is....

    She must of got home. Decided to do something that involved taking off her shirt, passing at going in directly, and then left her shirt somewhere where she could not get it.

    Hmmm.

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    "I have amazing, powers of observation"...Pink
     
    #14 Dreamshake, Aug 18, 2000
  15. mrpaige

    mrpaige Contributing Member

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    You're assuming she had a shirt on while she was in the car. Perhaps she never had a shirt on.

    But I don't see how she could've gotten locked out, either. (Unless one friend was just moving along faster than the other.)

    [This message has been edited by mrpaige (edited August 18, 2000).]
     
    #15 mrpaige, Aug 18, 2000
  16. Behad

    Behad Contributing Member

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    Maybe they got inside the apt. together, but she decided to go swimming before going to bed. This would explain where the towel came from. But what happened to the shirt??

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    #16 Behad, Aug 18, 2000
  17. Dreamshake

    Dreamshake Contributing Member

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    OR, maybe she got to hot on the drive home.

    FORCING her to take off her shirt.

    BEING so drunk she passes out in the car, and her roomate being so drunk and seeing double confuses double vision to be her.

    [/b] THEN [/b] the T-Shirt nomes stole her shirt as she was sleeping


    Thats has to be it.


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    "I have amazing, powers of observation"...Pink
     
    #17 Dreamshake, Aug 18, 2000
  18. Behad

    Behad Contributing Member

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    The t-shirt gnomes??? Are they related to the sock gnomes that keep taking my kids socks?

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    Save our children from the TAAS test:
    TAAS test report card
    TAAS test fact sheet
     
    #18 Behad, Aug 18, 2000
  19. keeley

    keeley Contributing Member

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    indeed, Fletch.

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    Clutch Goons, Inc.
     
    #19 keeley, Aug 19, 2000
  20. dc sports

    dc sports Member

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    Brian,

    Did she happen to explain how she lost her shirt?

    BTY -- I don't blame you. I'm horrible when woken up at 5:00 am. Before 4:00ish I'm OK, because I know I can get back to sleep. 5:00 is not a happy hour.

    I wonder if it was the right apartment?

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    Stay Cool...
     
    #20 dc sports, Aug 19, 2000
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