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Talking Texan...

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by ScreamingRocketJet, Dec 18, 2000.

  1. ScreamingRocketJet

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    Thought you guys might get a laugh from this...it was in today's Sydney Morning Herald.

    For the overly sensitive...I believe the piece orginated from the London Times, blame the Poms if you don't like it...:)

    A big howdy as Texas talk comes to town


    The White House is not just getting a new team, but a whole new language. George W. Bush will be bringing with him many friends from Texas, and for anyone not born in the Lone Star State the Texan accent and the cowboy colloquialisms can be impenetrable.

    World leaders need to remember that "you can always tell a Texan, but you can't tell him much".

    Here is a guide to a few of the more colourful expressions they might encounter:

    The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving

    Not over-intelligent

    As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party

    Really not very welcome at all

    Tighter than bark on a tree

    Not very generous

    Big hat, no cattle

    All talk and no action

    We've howdied but we ain't shook yet

    We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced

    He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.

    He has a pretty high opinion of himself

    She's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth

    That woman can talk

    It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs

    We really could use a little rain around here

    More 'fraid than a long-tail cat in a room full of rockers

    Somewhat lacking in courage

    Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly

    Appearances can be deceptive.

    This ain't my first rodeo

    Don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs

    He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch

    Not the most handsome of men

    They ate supper before they said grace

    Living in sin

    Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope

    Stop arguing and do as you're told

    As full of wind as a corn-eating horse

    Rather prone to boasting



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  2. mrpaige

    mrpaige Contributing Member

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    I've lived in Texas for nearly 30 years now, and I have yet to hear any Texan use any of those phrases. They are funny, though.

    Texas Monthly did a special issue a few years back that had a big long list of supposedly Texan sayings. There were a good many funny ones on there, too (and some of them I had actually heard used by Texans).

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  3. ScreamingRocketJet

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    I guesed none of them would be too true:)

    Living in Australia...you get REALLY used to hearing people state how we are 'supposed' to speak and act...

    Anyway...I am off to sleep now. Got to get up early to catch my Kangaroo to work:)

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  4. bobrek

    bobrek Proud A$$hat Mofo
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    Weren't all of these from Ann Richards speech at the Democratic national convention back in 1988?

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  5. Moe

    Moe Contributing Member

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    I've heard ""Nervous" as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers" many times. My granny used to say it all the time.

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  6. JuanValdez

    JuanValdez Contributing Member

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    I'll add to the list from my father's repertory (for the most part, they're self-explanatory):

    "It's raining like a cow pissin' on a flat rock."
    "It's drier than a popcorn fart."
    "Sticks out like a diamond in a goat's ass."
    "You're pissing in the wind." (that is, you're shooting yourself in the foot; that is, the activity you are engaging in will only be to your detriment.)

    He's got more, but I've never been too good at picking them up. The funny thing about Texan expressions is that, if you don't have the accent, don't bother trying them: you won't be able to pull it off.


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  7. verse

    verse Contributing Member

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    "slicker than greased hound sh!t"
    "let 'er rip, potato chip"
    "as useless as tits on a bull"
    "sweatin like a hoar in sunday service"
    "higher than giraffe pXXXy"
    "fXcked up like a snake in a lawnmower"


    that's just what i've heard this month at work. and that's in addition to some of JV's above.


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  8. Behad

    Behad Contributing Member

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    A few more:

    (talking about a bad sports team): They couldn't beat the little sisters of the poor!

    (Old person) She's two days older than dirt.


    Colder than a well digger's a$$


    Lower than a snake's belly in a tire rut.


    (heavy rain): turd floater


    My father-in-law is a well spring of sayings like these. A truer Texan you can't find anywhere!


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    Behad
    Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS
     
  9. Deji McGever

    Deji McGever יליד טקסני
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    My favorite of my father's was:

    She was dumber than hammered cat-****.

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  10. mrpaige

    mrpaige Contributing Member

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    I was thinking they were from Ross Perot infomercials from his 1992 Presidential run.

    I've heard the Cats and Rocking Chairs one, too, but I heard it on television spoken by a guy pretending to be a Texan. I've never heard a Texan use any of these particular terms. (But then again, I'm from West Texas. Things are actually a bit different back there. Even the accent is different).


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  11. Lynus302

    Lynus302 Contributing Member

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    "Hotter than two rats f*ucking in a wool sock."

    "Hotter than two pigs f*cking in a burlap sack."

    "Sweatin' like a whore in church."

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  12. Rocket River

    Rocket River Member

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    As sharp as a sack full of wet Mice

    Rocket River
    one of my favorites

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  13. mc mark

    mc mark Contributing Member

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    "I'm gonna beat you like a red-headed step child".

    (On seeing a beautiful woman) "Man, I'd break her down like a shotgun"!

    (On stupid people) "The boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball".

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    'Deeds, not words, shall speak me.'

    [This message has been edited by mc mark (edited December 19, 2000).]
     
  14. Pole

    Pole Houston Rockets--Tilman Fertitta's latest mess.

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    dumber than a box of rocks
    dumber than an ice cube

    slicker than owl sh!t on a doorknob

    "Did you get some hay for your donkey?"
    --meaning: did you get laid? (actually, the person I heard that from was born in Oklahoma)

    She fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

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  15. davo

    davo Contributing Member

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    Uglier than a box full of a$$holes

    She had a face like a smashed crab.

    (When referring to a golf shot) Run ya ba$tard, run like you stole something!

    Not Texan by any stretch, just some that I've always thought were funny.

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  16. JuanValdez

    JuanValdez Contributing Member

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  17. heypartner

    heypartner Contributing Member

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    Now what Texan said that!

    [This message has been edited by heypartner (edited December 19, 2000).]
     
  18. mc mark

    mc mark Contributing Member

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    This sensitive comment was made by Clayton Williams

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    'Deeds, not words, shall speak me.'

    [This message has been edited by mc mark (edited December 19, 2000).]
     
  19. Rockets2K

    Rockets2K Clutch Crew

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    "runs like a scalded-as* ape"
    "she/he wasn't hit with the ugly-stick, but with the 'hole damn tree!"
    and of course the classic..
    "sweatin' like a whore in church"

    I've heard the one "about as nervous as a cat in a room fulla rockin' chairs"

    I've heard oodles more , but I can't remember most of em.

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  20. HOOP-T

    HOOP-T Member

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    How about this one:

    "Your breath could knock a buzzard off a $hit-wagon."

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    There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

    [This message has been edited by HOOP-T (edited December 19, 2000).]
     
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