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Simmons is at it again...

Discussion in 'Other Sports' started by Rocketman95, Oct 21, 2002.

  1. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

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    http://espn.go.com/page2/s/simmons/021018.html

    It was mediocre until the end:

    <I>On the plane home from Vegas, our in-flight movie was "Like Mike," a cinematic experience so overwhelming that I felt the need to discuss it in print. Rapper Lil Bow Wow (LBW from this point on) plays an orphan who finds a pair of MJ's old Air Jordan's, which somehow fit even though LBW is 12 years old and they didn't start making Air Jordans until MJ's rookie year in the NBA. Whatever. If you have a problem with that leap of faith, we haven't even gotten started yet.

    When the sneakers get struck by lightning (don't ask), LBW develops magical basketball powers -- he dunks from the foul line, makes 30-footers, that kind of stuff. He's like Spud Webb crossed with Jimmy Chitwood. Of course, this leads to him getting randomly selected to play a halftime game against LA Knights star Tracy Reynolds (like a Ray Allen type, played by Morris Chestnut) in which LBW puts on a show and gets an NBA contract for the rest of the season. As far as crazy sports movie premises, this probably surpasses "Little Big League" (with the 12-year-old Twins manager) and comes damn close to "Rookie of the Year" (the kid who breaks his arm and ends up throwing 120-mph fastballs for the Cubs).

    And it goes from there. Calvin (LBW's character) leads the Knights towards the playoffs. He ends up bonding with Tracy Reynolds, leading towards the inevitable "Will Tracy adopt him?" subplot. There are a number of wacky cameos from NBA players, including GP, Vince, JKidd, CWebb, TMac and Allen Iverson, who growls, "Who are you, the mascot?" (everyone in the plane braced for the inevitable F-bomb from AI -- didn't happen). We even have a couple of random casting choices -- That Guy from "Jackie Brown" (he plays the coach), Charles S. Dutton, Eugene Levy and Crispin Glover (as the evil orphanage owner -- he was available). I'm not sure how Rick Fox wasn't involved; he must have had a conflict. And where was the obligatory Jay Leno cameo? Isn't that a sports movie staple?

    But here's the thing: You need to see this movie. And I only need one word to explain why ...

    Lipnicki.

    That's right ... it's the triumphant comeback from Jonathan Lipnicki, the little kid from "Jerry Maguire"! I've said it before, I'll say it again: There's comedy, there's high comedy, and then there's Jonathan Lipnicki. He plays LBW's best friend in the orphanage, Murph. That killed me. Only in Hollywood could Jonathan Lipnicki play a character named Murph. He's absolutely absorbing and I couldn't get enough of him. During one scene, he has to ride a motorized scooter and ... I can't even talk about it. Just trust me. How this kid doesn't have his own hit sitcom is one of the mysteries of life.

    And you can't put a price on the chemistry between him and Lil Bow Wow, who plays a 12-year-old kid even though he looks and acts like he's about 30 (I kept waiting for a scene where he was carrying a gat). Couldn't they include that as an extra on the DVD, the moment when somebody on the set said, "Lil Bow Wow, I'd like you to meet Jonathan Lipnicki"? What did they talk about between takes? I couldn't stop thinking about it.

    There were some other classic moments in here. <B>During one scene, LBW dunks over David Robinson, which might have been the only realistic moment in the movie. </B>In another scene, Lipnicki fantasizes about stealing LBW's sneakers, and we're treated to a fantasy sequence in which Lipnicki soars through the air and dunks (you can't even imagine). And during the dramatic ending, it actually got a little dusty on the airplane. Just an enjoyable cinematic experience from beginning to end.

    Personally, I'm hoping for "Like Mike 2: Calvin Goes Through Puberty," where a hormonally crazed Lil Bow Wow tears through the NBA groupie scene like Larry Allen tearing through a Cowboys buffet table. In fact, I think I'll start writing the script right now. </I>

    High-larious.
     
  2. Live

    Live Member

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    I read this the other day. Brilliant, as usual.

    It's time for Simmons to get an Andy Rooney-like weekly segment on ESPN, maybe on the weekend addition, and especially during the NBA Draft (which is his funniest article of the year, hands down).
     
  3. drapg

    drapg Member

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    did you guys read his vegas trip diary from last november? that stuff was gold!
     
  4. RunninRaven

    RunninRaven Clown Toilet Advocate
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    I thought Lipnicki already had his own sitcom. Something called Amigo, I believe. I guess it didn't succeed since I haven't heard anything about it in a long time.
     
  5. mrpaige

    mrpaige Contributing Member

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    Meego was the name of it. It also starred Bronson Pinchot, Ed Begley, Jr. and Dawn from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
     
  6. drapg

    drapg Member

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    balki had another TV show????
     
  7. NYKRule

    NYKRule Member

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    Jeff Van Gundy had another show?

    Oh sorry.


    I think the thing with Bill Simmons in the draft wouldn't work. I have a feeling that those type of things just don't come from his mind right when he sees it. Those are the type of things you really need to plan and write out(which is why he is a writer).
     
  8. Live

    Live Member

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    NYKRule,

    I wasn't thinking of him actually being at the Draft (one of the funniest things about his annual NBA Draft article is how he interacts with his Dad, don't want to destroy that), but doing sort of a recap of the Draft during his segment, preferably on the weekend.
     
  9. Mrs. JB

    Mrs. JB Member

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    You, sir, have FAR too much useless knowledge about pop culture. I'll bet you're a monster at Trivial Pursuit.
     
  10. A-Train

    A-Train Running With Scissors

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    Yeah, I'm sure it took him a whole fifteen seconds to look that up on imdb.com. :D

    http://us.imdb.com/Title?0118397
     
  11. Mrs. JB

    Mrs. JB Member

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    I refuse to believe mrpaige would have to resort to that. :(
     
  12. mrpaige

    mrpaige Contributing Member

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    I do remember the show. It was heavily promoted, though quickly pulled, I believe. It came out the year I moved to Arlington.

    For the record, Bronson Pinchot also had another series after Perfect Strangers. It was called "The Trouble With Larry", I believe.

    I hate to admit, but I watched at least one episode of each series.

    And, for the record, I do sometimes have to look stuff up to jog my memory (and there are a few TV-related things I don't remember at all).
     
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