This is what he has to say about himself. word for word. There are curses so if you don't like curses beware! there are comments regarding sex. but after a year of luther head jokes i think the BBS can manage. this is about 1/4 of what he wrote. the whole thing was too long to post. if you want me to post more after this i will. something tells me that the rockets could use this type of confidence. About me: FYI- THE CURRENT "CHUCK NORRIS FACTS" CIRCULATING THE INTERNET IS A RIP-OFF OF FACTS ABOUT ME. DON'T BE FOOLED, CHUCK NORRIS IS A PU$$Y. BRAND-NEW SAM CASSELL FACTS: • Sam Cassell thought up some of the funniest Sam Cassell facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to this list because he doesn't believe in any form of submission. • Sam Cassell does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Sam Cassell goes killing. • Sam Cassell once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Sam Cassell. • Sam Cassell was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. • Sam Cassell can speak braille. • Chuck Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". • Sam Cassell sleeps with a night light. Not because Sam Cassell is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Sam Cassell • If you can see Sam Cassell, he can see you. If you can't see Sam Cassell you may be only seconds away from death. • Sam Cassell frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. • Sam Cassell doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. • If Sam Cassell is late, time better slow the **** down. • Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Sam Cassell can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants. • Sam Cassell, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Sam Cassell, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat." • Sam Cassell died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. • Most men are OK with their wives fantasizing about Sam Cassell during sex, because they are doing the same thing. • Sam Cassell does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die. • Sam Cassell once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber. • If you try to introduce your mother to Sam Cassell, she'll introduce you to your biological father. • At birth, Sam Cassell came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Sam Cassell but Sam Cassell • Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Sam Cassell enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved. • Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Sam Cassell got an award for masturbating in public. • Sam Cassell once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Sam Cassell?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right. • Sam Cassell is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. • We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Sam Cassell doesn't believe in magic. • Geico saved 15% by switching to Sam Cassell. • Sam Cassell can slam revolving doors. • Superman owns a pair of Sam Cassell pajamas. • Sam Cassell can divide by zero. • Sam Cassell is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. • Sam Cassell has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains. • Water boils faster when Sam Cassell watches it. • A blind man once stepped on Sam Cassell' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Sam Cassell!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Sam Cassell. • Sam Cassell' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman. • They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Sam Cassell. He doesn't have to. • Sam Cassell does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. • Sam Cassell owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green ..4 card from the game UNO. • Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Sam Cassell. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.
some of those are new and funny to me, but please, put spaces between the jokes. although I don't think sam is worthy to be put in Chuck norris, vin diesel, Mr. T, Jack Bauer, Trader_Jorge status. Sam isn't as funny in these jokes because he is actually cool without trying to be cool.
It'd be funnier if someone didn't just find-and-replace sam cassell for chuck norris. (in fact, there's one where they missed a "Chuck") or if they had some about basketball, say.
Dude, that's so wrong. Chris Kaman is having a good year, but he is still only the second best center in the West. Marcus Camby is the best center in the West and I know this is right because Steve Kerr said so.
Getting facebook screencaps of rookies would be fun. I know Head has one. Let's decide who we should draft based on their facebook!
See, thats why it's only useful to find rookies, guys who actually were matriculating on a college campus just months ago. I have Yao Ming on my facebook friends but I never had any illusions about it really being him. I'll bet I can find every American lottery pick on facebook.
mark blount and the kandi man are my facebook friends ...i dunno why im pround of that p.s. i know its not really them.
