Put Your Oakland Raider jokes right here...

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by PhiSlammaJamma, Jan 8, 2003.

  1. PhiSlammaJamma

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 1999
    Messages:
    21,283
    Likes Received:
    1,642
    :)
    --------------------------------------
    Four AFC West fans were climbing a mountain one day...one Bronco, one Charger, one Chiefs and one Raider fan.

    As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal fan to their team.

    They continued to argue all the way up the mountain and finally as they reached the top the Bronco fan yells "this is for the Denver Broncos!" and jumps off the mountain.

    Not wanting to be out done, the Charger fan then yells "this is for the San Diego Chargers!" and jumps off the mountain to his doom.

    Seeing all this the Chiefs fan yells "this is for everyone!" and pushes the Raider fan off the mountain.
    ------------------------------------

    Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the 2003 Super Bowl?
    A: The Oakland Raiders
    -------------------------------------
    Rich Gannon will be replaced by Linda Lovelace. She will no doubt blow a few,
    but she won't choke on the Big Ones!
    ------------------------------------
    Q: Why can't Todd Marinovich get into a huddle on the field anymore?
    A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
    -------------------------------------------
    A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry. No pets allowed."

    The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Raiders game and you'll see."

    The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.

    The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Raiders score, my dog does flips." The Raiders keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.

    "Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Raiders score a touchdown?"

    The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years!"
    --------------------------------

    The Oakland Raiders football team practice at the Oakland Coliesium was delayed on Tuesday for nearly two hours. One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to glance down and noticed a suspicious looking, powdery white substance on the practice field.

    Coach Callahan immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate.

    After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was
    the goal line.

    Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again...
    -----------------------
    What do you call a Raider with a 2003 Super Bowl ring?
    A thief!

    -------------------------
    A cannibal walks into a restaurant and sits down. He looks at a menu and sees the specials are Chiefs fan $9.99 Charger fan $12.99 and Raider fan $29.99.

    The waiter comes over to the table and asks if he is ready to place an order.

    I have a question the cannibal asks, why is a Chiefs fan only 9.99 when a Raider fan is 29.99? What makes the Raider fan cost more?

    The waiter replies, do you know how hard it is to clean one of those things?
    -----------------------------

    Why do raider fans always wear masks?

    They are afraid that their boss at Mcdonalds might recognize them and fire their asses.

    --------------------------------
    what do raiders and raiderettes have in common? they both suck

    ---------------------------------
    What's the difference between a Raider fan and a puppy?
    The puppy stops whining in 4 to 6 weeks.

    -------------------------------
    What is the difference between a dead Raiders fan lying in the road and a dead 49ers fan lying in the road?


    There are skid marks in front of the 49ers fan.

    ----------------------------------
    Three football fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Seahawk's fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The 'Niners' fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Raider's fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

    The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Seahawk's cap, replaced it and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the 'Niners' cap, replaced it and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Raider's cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Raider's fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something?"

    "Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?

    "Well", said the officer, "I am simply surprised; normally when I look under a Raider's hat, I find an asshole...."

    ---------------------------------------

    They say football is a game of inches, and they'd be right if they measured the raiders offensive progress.

    ------------------------------
     
  2. Mr.Scary

    Mr.Scary Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2001
    Messages:
    869
    Likes Received:
    5
    Boy those are a hoot. :rolleyes: But what do I expect from let me guess a Chiefs fan. Who havent won anything in forever and got drubbed 24-0 in the final game of the year. Dont be mad. He who laughs last laughs best. And lately the Chiefs play is whats been truly funny.

    Hey since Oakland is so bad I guess they better watch out for KC in the playoffs.
     
  3. moestavern19

    moestavern19 Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 1999
    Messages:
    38,081
    Likes Received:
    2,060
    Hey PSJ - I found something for you

    Gannon, returns help Raiders shred Titans

    OAKLAND, Calif. (Sept. 29, 2002) -- Phillip Buchanon insists he could have been better in his defensive debut.

    Just one more interception, please?

    It took less than four minutes for the rookie to show he's ready to be an NFL starter, perhaps even at three positions. But he felt robbed in the Raiders' 52-25 rout of the Tennessee Titans.
    Buchanon had an interception on the first play of the game that was overturned by an instant replay challenge. But he scored on a punt return and handed off on another punt returned for a touchdown.

    Then Buchanon, a cornerback by trade, got an interception that counted in the fourth quarter, leading to the Raiders' final score. He also finished with seven solo tackles.

    He's convinced he picked off Steve McNair on the first play.

    "I said 'That's messed up!' " he said. "I should have had it, but I can't change it."

    Oakland (3-0) has looked versatile in its three victories. Its first victory of the season came behind the running game, the second on a superb passing performance by Rich Gannon, and this one was highlighted by stellar special teams.

    Rod Woodson had three interceptions, one he returned 82 yards for a touchdown, making him the NFL's career leader in interception return yardage with 1,339.

    "When you're in the right place at the right time, good things happen to you," Woodson said.

    Gannon was 29 of 39 for 381 yards and four touchdowns, and Jerry Rice had seven catches for 144 yards and a touchdown. Rice became the NFL's career leader in yards from scrimmage, passing Walter Payton.

    Rice, who will turn 40 on Oct. 13, finished with 151 yards to give him 21,281 for his career, 17 more than Payton's previous record. Rice has 20,649 receiving and 632 rushing in his 18-year career.

    "It's an honor to break a record like Walter's," Rice said. "I had a chance to meet him over the years, and he was a terrific individual."

    The Raiders, coming off their bye week, beat Tennessee (1-3) for the first time since the Raiders were in Los Angeles and the Titans were the Houston Oilers, in 1994.

    "Obviously, I don't need to recap the entire ballgame," Tennessee coach Jeff Fisher said. "We fell behind because of two plays on special teams and our inability to make a tackle on their first offensive play."

    McNair finished 32 for 46 for a career-high 398 yards and two touchdowns, but threw four interceptions. He completed a 49-yard TD pass to Justin McCareins with 11:39 remaining that the Raiders challenged, arguing the ball hit the ground, but the TD stood.

    Buchanon, the team's top draft pick out of national champion Miami, was promoted to starter at left cornerback to replace Pro Bowl player Charles Woodson, who has a broken right shoulder.

    Buchanon had some college friends in the Coliseum stands for his first game on defense -- and he had a big day.

    "If there were any questions on Phillip Buchanon's abilities today, he made a lot of great plays," Raiders coach Bill Callahan said. "We have a lot of confidence in Phillip."

    With the Titans going right at him early, Buchanon picked off McNair's pass on the first play, but officials reversed the call. Then Woodson intercepted and scrambled 18 yards to the Titans 17. Gannon hit Charlie Garner on a 17-yard TD pass with only 21 seconds elapsed.

    Woodson thanked Buchanon for not getting the first interception.

    "I'm glad he dropped that one and they ruled it incomplete, or I wouldn't have had mine," Woodson said.

    Gannon was impressive again, two weeks after throwing 64 passes for 403 yards at Pittsburgh.

    "It's a lot of fun, obviously," Gannon said. "One thing we're doing a good job of is rolling a lot of personnel onto the field."

    Buchanon returned a punt 83 yards for a 14-0 lead later in the period. When Tennessee punted again, Buchanon caught the ball and handed it to Terry Kirby, who ran 79 yards to the end zone.

    Titans star Eddie George, who has been playing with a tender left foot, missed most of Tennessee's first scoring drive, but came back in to score on a 1-yard run. He finished with 26 yards on 11 carries.

    George has had two of the best games of his career against Oakland, but this wasn't one of them. The Raiders' revamped defense, featuring 10 new starters now that Charles Woodson is out, kept pressure on McNair most of the day.

    "We've got stuff to clean up," McCareins said

    Wanna check the box score?

    1ST QUARTER
    TD Charlie Garner, 17 Yd pass from Rich Gannon (Sebastian Janikowski kick is good), 14:39. Drive: 1 play, 17 yards in 0:07.
    TD Phillip Buchanon, 83 Yd punt return (Sebastian Janikowski kick is good), 11:06. Drive: 5 plays, 22 yards in 3:33.
    TD Terry Kirby, 79 Yd punt return (Sebastian Janikowski kick is good), 9:36. Drive: 3 plays, 1 yards in 1:30.
    TD Eddie George, 1 Yd run (Joe Nedney kick is good), 2:43. Drive: 12 plays, 80 yards in 6:53.
    2ND QUARTER
    FG Sebastian Janikowski 28 Yd, 13:42. Drive: 9 plays, 84 yards in 4:01.
    TD Jerry Rice, 10 Yd pass from Rich Gannon (Sebastian Janikowski kick is good), 0:57. Drive: 9 plays, 86 yards in 3:36.
    3RD QUARTER
    TD Rod Woodson, 82 Yd interception return (Sebastian Janikowski kick is good), 10:10.
    TD John Simon, 3 Yd run (Steve McNair 2 Pt. Conversion pass to Derrick Mason failed), 7:08. Drive: 8 plays, 80 yards in 3:02.
    TD Drew Bennett, 6 Yd pass from Steve McNair (Steve McNair 2 Pt. Conversion pass to Frank Wycheck failed), 0:30. Drive: 6 plays, 60 yards in 2:23.
    4TH QUARTER
    TD Justin McCareins, 49 Yd pass from Steve McNair (Eddie George Run for 2 Pt. Conversion failed), 11:39. Drive: 4 plays, 62 yards in 2:03.
    TD Jerry Porter, 10 Yd pass from Rich Gannon (Sebastian Janikowski kick is good), 7:30. Drive: 8 plays, 72 yards in 4:09.
    TD Tim Brown, 41 Yd pass from Rich Gannon (Sebastian Janikowski kick is good), 5:21. Drive: 3 plays, 58 yards in 1:07.

    Lets see,

    Titans/Oilers Super Bowl wins - 0
    Oakland/LA Raiders Super Bowl wins - 3

    You don't need to make up any phony jokes about the Titans, They are already the biggest joke in NFL History.
     
  4. Zac D

    Zac D Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2000
    Messages:
    2,722
    Likes Received:
    20
    All of those are far more hilarious when directed at the Cowboys.
     
  5. Kam

    Kam Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2002
    Messages:
    30,058
    Likes Received:
    821
    The joke about the powdery white substance on the field.
    They said it was on tuesday. The NFL doesn't practice on tuesday. that day is the mandatory day off.
     
  6. PhiSlammaJamma

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 1999
    Messages:
    21,283
    Likes Received:
    1,642
    I'll post some of the cowboy jokes later today. Those are some of the best jokes I've read. Buffalo jokes were pretty good too.
     
  7. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 1999
    Messages:
    48,845
    Likes Received:
    1,208
    Did you hear Ian Howfield tried to hang himself? He failed...he couldn't kick the chair out from under him.

    Ric should like that one.
     
  8. NJRocket

    NJRocket Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2001
    Messages:
    7,242
    Likes Received:
    27
    J E T S JETS JETS JETS
     
  9. A-Train

    A-Train Running With Scissors

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    15,997
    Likes Received:
    13
    Darth Raider roolz...
     
  10. PhiSlammaJamma

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 1999
    Messages:
    21,283
    Likes Received:
    1,642
    Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
    A: A huddle.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Four Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who's driving?
    A: The police.

    ------------------------------
    The NY Jets have a new line of cologne. It's a little different though; you wear it and the other guy scores.

    ---------------------------

    I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator and now they want a coke machine.

    ------------------------------
    Definition of an optimist: A Buffalo Bill fan waiting at BIA (Buffalo
    International Airport) for the Bills to return from winning the Super Bowl.

    ---------------------------

    The NY Jets name will be changed to the NY Tampons as they are only good for one period and don't have a second string.

    ------------------------------

    How many Bills players does it take to receive a kickoff?
    Two. One to catch the ball and one to tell him to go down.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Announcement from P.A. system at Texas Stadium:

    Will the parents who lost your eleven kids here at the stadium please come get
    them? They are leading the Cowboys 14-0.

    ----------------------------------------

    Did you hear that someone purchased the Buffalo Bills and is going to move them
    to Alaska?
    They are going to rename them the Arctic Chokes.

    -----------------------------------

    Q. What's the difference between the Taliban and the Dallas Cowboys?

    A. The Taliban has a running game!

    ------------------------------------------
    Q. Which is more valuable, a dollar bill or the Dallas Cowboys?

    A. A dollar bill - you're guaranteed to get four quarters out of it!

    --------------------------------------
    Q. Did you hear that Jerry Jones has adopted a new "Honor System" for his Dallas Cowboys?

    A. "Yes, your honor. No, your honor!"
    --------------------------------------------

    Q. What do the Dallas Cowboys and possums have in common?

    A. They both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

    ------------------------------------------------------
    Q. What do the Houston Texans and possums have in common?

    A. They both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Q. Where do you go in Texas in case of a tornado?

    A. To Reliant Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!
    -------------------------------------------------

    Q. What do the Cleveland Browns and Billy Graham have in common?

    A. They both can make 60,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ!"
    ----------------------------------
     
  11. PhiSlammaJamma

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 1999
    Messages:
    21,283
    Likes Received:
    1,642
    "Hey, did you hear that they are moving the OJ trial to Cincinnati?"
    "No, why?"

    "It seems they wanted to get the jurors as far away as possible from PROFESSIONAL football as possible!"

    ----------------------------------------

    Judge, in child custody court: Well now, the child should have some say in this. Son, do you want to live with your mother?
    Child: Oh no judge, don't make me live with her. She beats me. She beats me bad.

    Judge: Well then, would you rather live with your father?

    Child: Don't make me live with him. He beats me worse. He beats me awful bad.

    Judge: Son, you have to live with somebody. Who do you want to live with?

    Child: I want to live with the Cincinnati Bengals, They never beat anybody.

    ----------------------------------
     
Loading...

Share This Page