So here's my situation... My whole life I've been very content with being single. I take my Christianity very seriously. Im far from perfect. I've been known to say or do things I shouldn't do just like all of us. But I try really hard to live for God as best I can. Grew up in a very Christian centered family and was always tought to date Biblically, to not be unequally yolked as the Bible says. I've always held true to that. Which has closed a lot of "dating" doors for me, it's hard to find a girl who shares my values and morals, that I'm also attracted to. So I didn't date much in HS. Had a few flings, but I've never been someone that wanted to "date around." Never wanted to waist time with someone I knew there was no future with. I've always been fine with this lifestyle, still am. Here's the issue though. I recently reconnected with a girl I went to HS with. We weren't close in HS. Had a few mutual friends, we were friendly. Nothing more though. We reconnected about 4 months ago and have gotten pretty close. Turns out her background is very similar to mine. We're both from pastors families. We share the same values/morals, both really into sports, and she's gorgeous. We've hung out some. But She's a pre-med student so there's not a ton of time to hang out together. I started getting feelings for her not long after we started talking. But I like to take my time, I've never worried about the friend zone, it's never existed with me and I like to become friends before I ask a girl out anyway. So after a ton of prayer, I feel like God put us in each other's lives for a reason. I feel like there could be a future with her. I told her how I feel. Didn't tell her all of this. Just that I like her and would like to take her out. Her response was basically that she's definitely thought about us that way, but doesn't feel like she's ready for something serious. Which we both agree is what would happen if we did date. So I guess my question is, how should I take that? And how should I act moving forward? I'm a strong believer that God's answers' to prayer aren't hard to find. All signs point towards us being together eventually. But is there really a future if she's not willing to do anything about it right now? She's very busy being a pre-Med student and working. But if that's her reason, well she's only going to get more busy once she starts med school. It's possible that she just doesn't have feelings for me. But like I said, I've prayed and prayed and I feel a clear message from God that I shouldn't give up on her. Am I ignoring signs from God here? Should I just be patient? I don't want to miss and opportunity for something special, but I also don't want to wait around forever... I'd really appreciate some genuine responses from fellow Christians. I ask that if you don't have something helpful to say, please respect how serious this is to me and not make jokes. As you can see im asking a sports forum for advice at 3:30am. So this is obviously weighing on me. Thank you.
Give it some space and see how things go, maybe if she doesnt hear from you for a while (see her response) that will tell you something. If shes busy then shes busy not much you can do about it but wait.
I'm not a Christian but if your instinct is that she's someone you could have a future with then that seems to me that God perhaps is working through you to show you the way. You should pursue it if that's what's in your heart. The opportunity to be with someone you feel that way about is rare in life. Don't allow it to pass you by and let it become a regret. Good luck.
I didn't intend to make this only for Christians. I'd like to here from other Christians obviously. But anyone with something they believe is helpful I appreciate.
I was fairly religious growing up and my views have changed. I think her going to med school is not a reason for her to date you. If she is truly interested then she will keep in contact. Everyone has hesitations because of what might happen or what could go wrong and how that will affect their lives personally. Keep chipping away if you feel strongly about it but don't over do it. If it comes it comes and if it doesn't then move along.
Sounds like she might be saying it's not the right time, because she's a pre-med??? But what does that mean? Will she say the same thing when in Med School. I don't know. Despite your effort to wrap the situation in Christianity and "all signs point to us being together", as you say, whatever that means, did she say that? Or are you only saying that. love/sex is still love/sex. She is friend-zoning you, by all signs I see. Just because you say you don't get friend-zoned doesn't mean it isn't still happening to you. So, you still have to test that. Just come straight out and say you are done testing your feelings for her and you need to get a firm yes or no. And sounds like you can make it very sincere and she will listen, and not be freaked out. If "all signs point to us being together" then just ask her. Do it! Stop wrapping your reasoning in Christianity as a means to say this isn't like other friend zoned threads. You wouldn't be up at 3:30am right now if she shares those "signs" with you. Ask her.
I used to be Catholic and I never thought dating was a religious issue at all lol. Much more important what she has to say than what you think God is, I think.
I dont mean to be flippant here, but you received one key "sign" that outweighs all the others - she turned you down. Granted, she qualified that turndown but ultimately, whatever it is that you share is not enough for her to be willing to even TRY (via dating) go all in. You should not dismiss her refusal as inconsequential. Additionally, the fact that she makes only limited time for you is also a sign that she is not as infatuated with you as you are with her. She is not a medical intern or fellow - shes an undergrad student. Undergrads (who dont work full time or have families to care for) have lots and lots of free time for the rhings they really want. Think about that. I also find this interesting I dont know exactly how that conversation went, but I'm going to hypothesize that what she really means is that she isnt ready to deal with YOU being so serious about a relationship. The girl seems smart from your description and perhaps shes deduced that you arent so much interested in dating to getting to know her better but instead are thinking of dating as a formality for your predestined marriage. For a college-age girl, that's a lot to think about 4 months into what is up to now a platonic friendship, and i dont blame her for being hesitant. Finally, and im not trying to be mean here, but all of your God talk gives the impression that you view her as a prop in God's plan for you. Maybe thats not what you intend, but you seem more inclined to turn to God on the matter than her. So what should you do? Go to her and come clean on how strong your feelings for her are. I'd avoid all the signs from God talk (which you wisely did so previously) but be direct and to the point. Then also come clean on the fact that youre unsure about how she feels about you, and so youre asking her to find out. Its a direct approach and would probably make every "game" player faint with horror, but you dont seem to be inclined to run that way. If she doesnt explicitly reciprocate your feelings, then you need to get some space from her. Emotional attachments are like an opiate, and most people need time and space in order to properly withdraw from such attachments when they arent mutual. I wont say you cant be friends in the future, but for now, you need your distance. If she reciprocates those feelings but still says shes not ready, then ask why. Maybe she'll say shes too busy, to which you can share your observation that shes only likely to get busier but that you care for enough to be willing to handle that. If you truly care for this person (or any person), part of your role in the relationship is managing (and demonstrating you ability to manage) their limitations. Just be honest with yourself however; if her limited availability is or becomes a problem, then youll have to assess together what that means for a relationship. Whatever the case, dont wait around passively.
I appreciate all the responses. The issue of her time isn't fake on her part. Should've mentioned in the OP that she works 2 jobs and frequently has to act as a mom to her nieces and nephews. Add that to her taking her school work incredibly seriously. She dedicated almost all her free time to studying, which something I respect about her. But at the same time, yeah it'd be nice if we could spend more time together. I think this would be less of an issue if that were the case. I don't take any major step in relationships without a lot of prayer. Which any Christian would agree is a good idea. I really don't feel like I'm ignoring her "signs" and only paying attention to Gods. When we hang out it feels like we're dating. We get along really well, she always talks about how much fun she has with me. It's not like the only thing that I'm basing this feeling that we should be together on is that "Gods telling me". The signs that I get, God shows me thru her. If that makes sense.
It's not that it's a religious issue, but it's a major step in life that I believe God should be involved in. My relationship with God has an influence on every major decision in my life.
Stop using God as the middle man. God will be happy with whatever you decide. Sounds like you will blame God if she friendzones you.
Continue to pray and trust in Him. Allow Him to order your steps and He will continue to direct your path. Remember that the race isn't garunteed to the swift or the strong, but rather to he who endures to the end. So rely on patience, love, and faith. If you remain true to Him, then His desires will become your desires. His plan for you will become your reality. So stay true to Him, her, and yourself. And enjoy the ride.
Am sure you have heard of "love conquers all". If she truly feels the same as you do and wants to be with you, nothing will stop her from doing so. Even if she has all these things goin on. Your situation might be different but the "it's not the right time" from her has been used to turn down nice guys a million times. If you are an ass, the responses are usually more straight forward. As you mentioned, you have not dated so your exposure to women with regards to relationships has been limited. 'Generally speaking' men and women communicate differently when it comes to relationships. Men tend to say either yes or no but women can be more cryptic. I hope this is not the case for you.
As much as you talk about God you should know he will guide you. It takes time and patience an not over night. Seems like you have fallen in love an are scared to be crushed so soon with out even dating her. And then blame yourself because you saw signs ahead of time. I'd say ask her out to dinner an see were that leads. Nothing to lose, something to gain. There is no such thing as wasting time because everything comes with experience for the future. Good luck.
Don't rush women. They will come for you when ready. Don't focus on her and don't push things. It will fall in to place.
I'm far from being an expert, but it sounds like she was trying to say No, in the nicest (and vaguest) way possible. Hopefully that's not the case, but that's my take.
You clearly don't trust in God as much as you imply or you would not be asking for advice on a basketball bbs. But, yeah, good luck with her. Too busy during pre-med + work? How about med school + work, then internship+residency (often the busiest years), then establishing herself after obtaining all licensing, etc.? If she is "too busy" for you now, she will only be more "too busy" for you over the next 8 or so years.
What are you doing with your life? Are you still in college? That's her way of turning you down nicely. Move on.
Being engaged to a nurse (who works the graveyard shift, no less), I understand how difficult it is to be with someone whose time will be taken up by her profession. It is definitely worth it, though, and if it is meant to be then it is meant to be. It's probably a lazy Christian's stubborn take on things, but if I feel that something is "supposed" to happen, then I pray about it, go for it if I still feel strongly about it, and continue to do so until it's painfully clear that that is not the case or until it works.
Also, you seem like a strong minded person but I think it is worth saying, don't listen to the negativity. Heed their advice and weigh it against your beliefs and prayers, but don't be put down.
