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My father passed away

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Falcons Talon, Apr 4, 2018.

  1. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    Thank you @MadMax . I always looked forward to spending time with him.
     
  2. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    Surfguy, my mother has frontal temporal dementia. It's a terrible condition. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I felt very bad for mom for awhile, but I made a choice to celebrate mom being there instead of mourning the losses that were coming. I know it's hard, but once I did that, it brought some light back to my life.

    Celebrate the time you have with your Dad. Show him your love. He may not remember things, but he will feel the love and joy you bring him.

    God bless you and your family, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I would be happy to talk.
     
  3. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    Jontro, my Dad was not always the most affectionate with us, but one day years ago, I started giving dad a hug and a kiss on the cheek and a told him I loved him. It took a few times, but he started doing the same to me. You're a good man for helping your parents.
     
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  4. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    Leroy, I know its hard and I am praying for your strength and praying for healing for your Mom. Be strong for your Dad, but don't bottle things up. You have to release those feelings. I don't know if you have siblings, but I found much comfort talking with my sister...even about the hard talks.
    May God bless you and your family.
     
  5. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    I think it has helped me to have somewhere to go talk to Dad. I have told my boys in the past that I want cremation, but just yesterday, leaving Dad, that exact thought was on my mind. Perhaps my boys can keep a small urn with a little bit of me with them...IDK.
     
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  6. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    Sorry for your loss. May your great memories continue to be vivid, may you always remember the sound of his voice, and may you always feel the love in his eyes.
     
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  7. Fyreball

    Fyreball Contributing Member

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    I'm blessed enough to have both my parents and my wife's parents very much a part of our daily lives, and they are all healthy. But even then, I try to take a moment to cherish these times because you never know what life brings. As someone said in this thread earlier, all of us will have to deal with this sooner or later (many already have), and while it never gets easier, I think it's important to appreciate the time we do have with our folks. My thoughts go out to everyone in this thread that has dealt or is dealing with the heartache of losing a loved one.
     
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  8. the shark

    the shark Member

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    Amen to this.

    My mom is at the beginning stages of dementia as well. Just spend as much time with them as you can. Remember, when we were kids they took care of us (and EVERYTHING that entails) so it's the least we can do to take care of them as well. It isn't easy as a caretaker. Watching your parents deteriorate right before your eyes is VERY hard to go through.

    To all of you who have lost a loved one recently as well as those of you who are dealing with a sick loved one right now hang in there!!!!

    Praying for strength, courage, peace and wisdom for all of you.
     
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  9. leroy

    leroy Contributing Member

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    Thank you, FT. I have a brother and we went to have a beer last night after we left the hospital. Even if we didn't have the hard discussion, it was just good to be together. My dad is certainly scared and I know just being there in the room with him helps. We're not the most outwardly emotional family so just being in the same room is usually enough. I just got back from playing a quick 9 holes because I needed to hit something and a little white ball seemed like a better option than the alternative.
     
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  10. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    Coming up on one month this weekend. Time truly does not slow down. My sister picked up the death certificates today and a memorial blanket we ordered to cover Mom. I asked my brother and sister to come down this weekend for a one month memorial reunion. We're waiting on the temporary headstone, and will be ordering the permanent headstone sometime this week.

    I'm starting to get back to doing what I used to do, but am still feeling very drained. Maybe a psychosomatic response...

    Hope all of you going through or who have gone through this are doing well.
     

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  11. the shark

    the shark Member

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    Hang in there!!!
     
  12. leroy

    leroy Contributing Member

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    I do have good news on my front. Mom is back home after 2 weeks in the hospital...much of which spent in ICU. Turns out it was an amazing bunch of coincidences that happened at once. Her anti-rejection drug that was changed out a few weeks before was wreaking havoc. Then an pneumonia hit. Then she had anemia. Then she contracted Mumps while she was in the hospital. There were some touch and go moments and she doesn't remember much of her time there. She really didn't realize how bad it had gotten...which is probably for the best. But, she's on the road to recovery and back home which is all that we could ask for.

    FT...I hope you can get to a place where you can live normally soon.
     
  13. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    That's great news Leroy. What a blessing to get your mom home. I pray for her continued improvement.

    I have getting along pretty well. I'm starting to get back to my life, and have embraced the road i am travelling. I'm now speaking to my brothers and sisters daily, and have begun doing the things that i used to. I'm trying to get back to exercising and have begun eating like i was before the month and a half of hospital food and stress snacking. Being with Dad in his time of need allowed me to make peace with a lot of the regrets i had. I keep him with me everywhere i go. I'm not the oldest of my siblings, but i think i'm getting to a good place and am able to help my sisters and brothers as they're still struggling.
     

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  14. the shark

    the shark Member

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    Great news Leroy!!!
     
  15. K LoLo

    K LoLo Member

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    Sorry for your loss.

    It's crazy how Dad's are pretty invincible, until one day they're not. This year in September will be 4 years since my Dad passed from pancreatic cancer. It was weird, because he worked a manual labor job maintenance at a hospital) pretty much up until he found out he had cancer, and then things went down hill quickly. Even after he had cancer and was doing treatments, when I had my first born son, he came to the hospital - at 10PM no less. He ended up in the hospital a couple of days later. When he got out, he came by the house to hold my son (some of the last pictures I have of both of us - I had bought us both hats since he was going through chemo - he pretty much always wore it). He said he didn't want to talk, just wanted to hear the baby cry. Kiddo is 3 and a half now, and we still tell him about gramps.

    I have some regrets (sure we all do). Never went on a lot of the "one mores" (fishing trip, football game, camping, etc.). Hard to get to mom to do the things he used to do for her (yard/house stuff). Once he said he didn't want to do any more treatments and called in the hospice team, we knew it wouldn't be long. My biggest regret was not being able to actually be there when he passed. I had to say goodbye on the phone, while listening to my mom and all the others at the house cry. I told him he didn't have to wait for me, and I loved him, and he could go if he needed to. Sure enough, he went. Like he was waiting on some closure.

    Still think about him a lot. Still go to the grave. He was only 55 when he passed. When I walk through the grave yard, I see a lot of headstones with some relatively young ages - 30s, 40s, 50s. Not everyone lives to be 80 or 90 and have great grand kids and all that. Reminder for me to remember to enjoy these moments with my kids and wife, and not always be stuck at work or in a video game or something.
     
  16. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    Sorry for you loss and pain K LoLo. I hope time has helped the pain lessen. Brought a tear to my eye reading about your Dad's time with your son. I wanted to celebrate my son's 18th birthday with Dad. He missed it by two weeks.
     
  17. coachbadlee

    coachbadlee Member

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    Sorry to hear that. Prayers for you and yours.
     
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  18. Buck Turgidson

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    Yesterday would have been my Dad's 75th birthday. We had a good talk while I was out at a ranch, up on a hill, drinking a beer, looking at god's green earth.

    I'm thinking about you and your whole family, FT, K-Lo, and everyone else who inevitably has to deal with this.
     
  19. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Contributing Member

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    Happy Birthday to you Dad. Glad you could have a great talk with you Pops. I always feel most at peace after talking to Dad. Yesterday, I spent half the day at Dad's house with my sister and Mom and took my sister to spend time with Dad to talk to him and fix up his grave sight.

    God Bless Buck.
     
  20. the shark

    the shark Member

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    K LoLo thanks for sharing this.
     

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