“Didn’t know you had a famous father did you, my five children, Surprise!” His hand hovers above them with the authority of four fingers that were formed with only one purpose in mind, to minister pain and grief, and a fifth finger, swollen by time and the wedding band wrapped tightly around it, points at them, one by one, “She only wants one of you to live.”
It was a Wednesday morning. Actually it was Jaloonsday evening on planet Borxious XII in the Upper Cenegig Distant and our Cruestacean overlords had once again institued a nationwide solstice of celibacy in honor of the Lizard Prince Oxcysious 409.9's marriage to Kelly Clarkson. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP the alarm clock sounded -- what a strange dream, thought Mark. "Oh hi, Mark" said a man who suddenly appeared on a rooftop. "How the hell did you get up there Stenson!?" Stenson smiled sheepishly and then without warning, fired up a totally righteous spliff. "I know I don't ususually blaze with you Sten, but it's been a long week..." "... so exceptions must be made, from time to time", Mark says, in between the coughing fits of a man unaccustomed. Mark had since activated his newly acquired thruster shoes to join Stenson on the roof. Then suddenly everyone spoke Spanish from here on out. "Es verdad," the peasant says, calmly holding the bridle of El Jontro's donkey, "hemos oído de sus gloriosas obras de las costas a las montañas." Then, out of the west, a strange air current passed through, converting everyone's language back to english. "All this Spanish reminds me of the Taco I ate yesterday, I can still feel the lava shooting out of my buttocks", Mark said with an agonized grin on his scarred face. As the wind shifted Jenna opened her window and yelled, "What the hell are you two doing up so early!" And a fortuitous shifting of the wind it was for Jenna, as Mark clumsily steers himself with his newly acquired thruster shoes towards a spot on the rooftop next to Stenson, one last explosive taco-fueled fart sends him spinning unrecoverably downward into the alley-way dumpster, but not before the millennial so deftly executes a head-over-heels, free-falling, Snapchat freeze-frame of the most bodacious t*tties imaginable and penetrating gaze of shockingly azure eyes staring out from what Redditors will later deduce as the bathoom window of Apartment C on the "nonexistent" 13th floor of the mysterious Calamity Suites Luxury apartments, a floor some say three-time Finals MVP winner, #13 James Harden (who never once won a regular season MVP), had built to hide his harem from TMI paparrazi, but, as Mark, Jenna and Stenson will soon find out, it is much more than that. Moments later, their arch nemesis, Tizzle Breh, calls them out from outside the house as he challenges Mark and Stenson to a fight to the death for stealing his childhood love, Jenna. Just as the fight for Jenna's honor was set to commence, a deep voice shouted "not so fast, I too was once in love with Jenna and I'm here to fight for the rights to her glorious bosom," it was Jodie of House Foster, the leader of the Legion Of Lesbians, "LOL" said Stenson nervously. Several seconds later, the challengers found themselves in the depths of an elaborate labyrinth where an unbelievably large, ominous phantom-like figure appears above... But he was unable, as an overpowering thought flooded his consciousness -- something about not following the one sentence rule: how odd! The phantom opted to turn back time to follow the rules of this strange world. “Didn’t know you had a famous father did you, my five children, Surprise!” His hand hovers above them with the authority of four fingers that were formed with only one purpose in mind, to minister pain and grief, and a fifth finger, swollen by time and the wedding band wrapped tightly around it, points at them, one by one, “She only wants one of you to live.” As quickly as he appeared, he vanished with an ominous dab.
It was a Wednesday morning. Actually it was Jaloonsday evening on planet Borxious XII in the Upper Cenegig Distant and our Cruestacean overlords had once again institued a nationwide solstice of celibacy in honor of the Lizard Prince Oxcysious 409.9's marriage to Kelly Clarkson. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP the alarm clock sounded -- what a strange dream, thought Mark. "Oh hi, Mark" said a man who suddenly appeared on a rooftop. "How the hell did you get up there Stenson!?" Stenson smiled sheepishly and then without warning, fired up a totally righteous spliff. "I know I don't ususually blaze with you Sten, but it's been a long week..." "... so exceptions must be made, from time to time", Mark says, in between the coughing fits of a man unaccustomed. Mark had since activated his newly acquired thruster shoes to join Stenson on the roof. Then suddenly everyone spoke Spanish from here on out. "Es verdad," the peasant says, calmly holding the bridle of El Jontro's donkey, "hemos oído de sus gloriosas obras de las costas a las montañas." Then, out of the west, a strange air current passed through, converting everyone's language back to english. "All this Spanish reminds me of the Taco I ate yesterday, I can still feel the lava shooting out of my buttocks", Mark said with an agonized grin on his scarred face. As the wind shifted Jenna opened her window and yelled, "What the hell are you two doing up so early!" And a fortuitous shifting of the wind it was for Jenna, as Mark clumsily steers himself with his newly acquired thruster shoes towards a spot on the rooftop next to Stenson, one last explosive taco-fueled fart sends him spinning unrecoverably downward into the alley-way dumpster, but not before the millennial so deftly executes a head-over-heels, free-falling, Snapchat freeze-frame of the most bodacious t*tties imaginable and penetrating gaze of shockingly azure eyes staring out from what Redditors will later deduce as the bathoom window of Apartment C on the "nonexistent" 13th floor of the mysterious Calamity Suites Luxury apartments, a floor some say three-time Finals MVP winner, #13 James Harden (who never once won a regular season MVP), had built to hide his harem from TMI paparrazi, but, as Mark, Jenna and Stenson will soon find out, it is much more than that. Moments later, their arch nemesis, Tizzle Breh, calls them out from outside the house as he challenges Mark and Stenson to a fight to the death for stealing his childhood love, Jenna. Just as the fight for Jenna's honor was set to commence, a deep voice shouted "not so fast, I too was once in love with Jenna and I'm here to fight for the rights to her glorious bosom," it was Jodie of House Foster, the leader of the Legion Of Lesbians, "LOL" said Stenson nervously. Several seconds later, the challengers found themselves in the depths of an elaborate labyrinth where an unbelievably large, ominous phantom-like figure appears above... But he was unable, as an overpowering thought flooded his consciousness -- something about not following the one sentence rule: how odd! The phantom opted to turn back time to follow the rules of this strange world. “Didn’t know you had a famous father did you, my five children, Surprise!” His hand hovers above them with the authority of four fingers that were formed with only one purpose in mind, to minister pain and grief, and a fifth finger, swollen by time and the wedding band wrapped tightly around it, points at them, one by one, “She only wants one of you to live.” As quickly as he appeared, he vanished with an ominous dab. Oh hai Mark. Mark opened one bleary eye and mumbled, "****, and it's only ****ing Wednesday."
It was a Wednesday morning. Actually it was Jaloonsday evening on planet Borxious XII in the Upper Cenegig Distant and our Cruestacean overlords had once again institued a nationwide solstice of celibacy in honor of the Lizard Prince Oxcysious 409.9's marriage to Kelly Clarkson. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP the alarm clock sounded -- what a strange dream, thought Mark. "Oh hi, Mark" said a man who suddenly appeared on a rooftop. "How the hell did you get up there Stenson!?" Stenson smiled sheepishly and then without warning, fired up a totally righteous spliff. "I know I don't ususually blaze with you Sten, but it's been a long week..." "... so exceptions must be made, from time to time", Mark says, in between the coughing fits of a man unaccustomed. Mark had since activated his newly acquired thruster shoes to join Stenson on the roof. Then suddenly everyone spoke Spanish from here on out. "Es verdad," the peasant says, calmly holding the bridle of El Jontro's donkey, "hemos oído de sus gloriosas obras de las costas a las montañas." Then, out of the west, a strange air current passed through, converting everyone's language back to english. "All this Spanish reminds me of the Taco I ate yesterday, I can still feel the lava shooting out of my buttocks", Mark said with an agonized grin on his scarred face. As the wind shifted Jenna opened her window and yelled, "What the hell are you two doing up so early!" And a fortuitous shifting of the wind it was for Jenna, as Mark clumsily steers himself with his newly acquired thruster shoes towards a spot on the rooftop next to Stenson, one last explosive taco-fueled fart sends him spinning unrecoverably downward into the alley-way dumpster, but not before the millennial so deftly executes a head-over-heels, free-falling, Snapchat freeze-frame of the most bodacious t*tties imaginable and penetrating gaze of shockingly azure eyes staring out from what Redditors will later deduce as the bathoom window of Apartment C on the "nonexistent" 13th floor of the mysterious Calamity Suites Luxury apartments, a floor some say three-time Finals MVP winner, #13 James Harden (who never once won a regular season MVP), had built to hide his harem from TMI paparrazi, but, as Mark, Jenna and Stenson will soon find out, it is much more than that. Moments later, their arch nemesis, Tizzle Breh, calls them out from outside the house as he challenges Mark and Stenson to a fight to the death for stealing his childhood love, Jenna. Just as the fight for Jenna's honor was set to commence, a deep voice shouted "not so fast, I too was once in love with Jenna and I'm here to fight for the rights to her glorious bosom," it was Jodie of House Foster, the leader of the Legion Of Lesbians, "LOL" said Stenson nervously. Several seconds later, the challengers found themselves in the depths of an elaborate labyrinth where an unbelievably large, ominous phantom-like figure appears above... But he was unable, as an overpowering thought flooded his consciousness -- something about not following the one sentence rule: how odd! The phantom opted to turn back time to follow the rules of this strange world. “Didn’t know you had a famous father did you, my five children, Surprise!” His hand hovers above them with the authority of four fingers that were formed with only one purpose in mind, to minister pain and grief, and a fifth finger, swollen by time and the wedding band wrapped tightly around it, points at them, one by one, “She only wants one of you to live.” As quickly as he appeared, he vanished with an ominous dab. Oh hai Mark. Mark opened one bleary eye and mumbled, "****, and it's only ****ing Wednesday." THE END
"Heyyyyyyy Mark!" said Stenson, this time with an even bigger blunt overflowing with lush green nugs straight from heyparnter's private stash. The aroma awakened Mark's hindbrain and his animal instinct suddenly took over. He quickly brandished a butcher knife and glared at Stenson with his left eyebrow slightly furled and his nostrils protruding. Stenson knew this look meant Mark was serious this time. "Wow, the crazy b*stard really is going to do it!", Stenson thought to himself, while at the same time keeping an impeccable poker face while not once stopping to ash his enormous doobie. "Stenson, I'm going to do it now." "Mark, breh, are you totally sure?" "Yes, this is the time. We have waited long enough. I cannot keep waiting. This needs to stop and stop now." "That's fine Mark, but she's not going to like it." "Oh, I've already made sure she's not going to like it."
@moestavern19: "Heyyyyyyy Mark!" said Stenson, this time with an even bigger blunt overflowing with lush green nugs straight from heyparnter's private stash. The aroma awakened Mark's hindbrain and his animal instinct suddenly took over. He quickly brandished a butcher knife and glared at Stenson with his left eyebrow slightly furled and his nostrils protruding. Stenson knew this look meant Mark was serious this time. "Wow, the crazy b*stard really is going to do it!", Stenson thought to himself, while at the same time keeping an impeccable poker face while not once stopping to ash his enormous doobie. "Stenson, I'm going to do it now." "Mark, breh, are you totally sure?" "Yes, this is the time. We have waited long enough. I cannot keep waiting. This needs to stop and stop now." "That's fine Mark, but she's not going to like it." "Oh, I've already made sure she's not going to like it." ---------------- On cue, a car comes peeling into the driveway, its engine choking to a stop. Stenson swivels around in disbelief, blunt slipping out of his fingers to the floor, as a dude steps out of the car with an air of confidence that only a man who still proudly drives a 1985 Celica Liftback can have. "It can't be," he says. Mark slams the butcher knife into the floor as he gets up. 'Yessss! He made it." "Oh, Jenna's not going to like it," Stenson gushes with approval. Spoiler It's Fromobile!
I'm hoping it's more. Knew you would, though. btw: Correct if I'm wrong: That is fromobile in the photo, right? I think that's from one of CBrownFanClub's posts about comparing Cato to his older brother's Taurus. But that photo is supposed to be the younger brother. fromobile is CBFC's younger brother, right?
This was a well intentioned idea but I think it slid off the desk pretty quickly. Props @theimpossibles1 for the effort.
