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Got hit with the marriage ultimatum... deadline coming up soon

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by rm365, Jan 15, 2009.

  1. rm365

    rm365 Contributing Member

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    Since I got some pretty good advice on clutchfans during my last relationship fiasco, I thought I would try again.

    So i've been with my new girlfriend for a little over 2 years now. I'm 30, she's 29. Early on, our relationship was sort of a honey-moon period. Things were good until I realized she had issues with my mom. Jealousy issues.

    Like one time we were at my apartment on a friday night and my mom stopped by unexpectedly. Instead of welcoming my mom, my girlfriend reacted poorly to it and got pissed that my mom would ruin our plans for the night. She actually told me "You said that your mom wouldn't interfere with our relationship!" This was a year ago. I'm still not over it. Also, she was very distant and almost standoffish around my mother, early on in our relationship.

    I was raised by my mom as a single mother and I'm her only child. I'm close with my mom and like to go to her home on weekends to eat dinner together and do stuff like that. I'm very cautious about my girlfriend in that I'm worried that if I married her, she would try to come between my relationship with my mom and not let me do these things.

    The past year of our relationship has been periods of good with periods of arguing. Despite this, she has asked me over and over when we were going to settle down. Everytime she asked, I would tell her that we had issues that we needed to work out. She would inevitably start crying when I would say this, and we would forgive and forget and the cycle would start anew when she would ask me again. She has shown herself to be a little more respectful around my mother.

    Since we hit the 2 year mark however, she feels more of a sense of urgency. Now she hits me with the marriage ultimatum that if we don't get married, she will leave me. I tell her that I'm busy with work, that I'm not there yet, career-wise, that I wanted to get my parents approval first (my mother is still wary of her after what she did), etc. She doesn't care. I always wanted to solve our issues before deciding to commit myself further. I mean if someone really loved me, wouldn't they care about the people that I love or am I expecting too much?

    I'm lost, and I have only like a week before she will probably leave.
    What should I do?
     
  2. Yonkers

    Yonkers Contributing Member

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    I think you know what to do already. You have a lot of doubts. You want to work it out but there is no time. Well, getting married and staying married is hard enough already so don't walk in already with all this baggage.
    Say thanks, but no thanks,
     
  3. red

    red Contributing Member

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    the pooper?
     
  4. Pizza_Da_Hut

    Pizza_Da_Hut I put on pants for this?

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    Red beat me to it, ask her for the Anne Hathaway treatment, if she says no, no dice.
     
  5. 3814

    3814 Contributing Member

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    If it ever comes down to "we either need to get married or break up" then it simply isn't going to work. Add that with the way she has treated your mother and I think you know what you need to do. Obviously it's more complicated when your emotions are involved...but it just doesn't sound right.
     
  6. God's Son

    God's Son Member

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    the sense of urgency is her hitting 30

    most women go bunkers if they are settled down or married by 30. they know there looks wont carry 'em far after that so they try to cash there chips

    we men have it good :eek:
     
  7. DonnyMost

    DonnyMost not wrong
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    go to pre-marital counseling

    best thing ever
     
  8. dkoune

    dkoune Rookie

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    agreed. my wife and I have been married a whole 1 and a half years thanks to this. thats a year longer than I thought we'd last.
     
  9. finalsbound

    finalsbound Contributing Member

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    Let her go. It sounds like in the battle between girlfriend & mother in your eyes, the mother is winning by a landslide.

    Neither of you would be that happy in the marriage.
     
  10. bladeage

    bladeage Contributing Member

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    Take the ultimatum seriously. She will leave. If you think she is the right one, then go for it. Otherwise break it off before she does. Never let someone force you into doing something you aren't 100% sure about.

    Believe me, I went through it.
     
  11. wesnesked

    wesnesked Contributing Member

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    I find that some girls are just put off by guys that are close to their mothers. Its like there isn't enough room in your life for two women. She sees it as another woman (even though its your mom) stealing attention that she should be getting...or that they have an insecurity about you not thinking that she can take care of you. I hate to tell you this but she will probably always have this attitude, and its up to you to decide if you can deal with it and make your GF/wife #1 and your mom #2.
     
  12. KingCheetah

    KingCheetah Contributing Member

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    Is the sex better with your mom or girlfriend ?
     
  13. Lil Pun

    Lil Pun Contributing Member

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    I agree.
     
  14. Joe Joe

    Joe Joe Go Stros!
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    "Like one time we were at my apartment on a friday night and my mom stopped by unexpectedly."

    I would be upset if my mom did this. I could definitely see a girl getting upset that you didn't get upset. It shows you don't value your time with her as much as she would hope and that you don't love her. You should break up with her.
     
  15. fmullegun

    fmullegun Contributing Member

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  16. finalsbound

    finalsbound Contributing Member

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    I'd be upset as well. If I was planning to have a nice quiet night in and then moes' parents (or mine) dropped by...I would be less than happy. But I'd be especially pissed if my guy acted like it was no big deal.

    It isn't about Mom #1 Girlfriend #2...it's about Mom #1 Wife #2--and maybe she fears it will be like that.
     
  17. Master Baiter

    Master Baiter Contributing Member

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    Awesome :D
     
  18. KingCheetah

    KingCheetah Contributing Member

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  19. flipmode

    flipmode Member

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    post pics, we'll help you decide
     
  20. stipendlax

    stipendlax Member

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    I can see where she's coming from. She wants to be part of your life, but doesn't like the thought of sharing you with another women.

    She'll learn to be okay with it. You, however, have to show her that she is REALLY important as well. If you love her, that is.
     

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