They might cancel each other out. How about this 3 on 3: Deke, Chuck Norris, Steven Seigal vs Charlie's Angels
-Deke needs 7 names and 4 nicknames just to begin to describe his greatness. -Mark it. There will never be another Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Cookie Monster Mukamba Jean Jacque Deke the Finger Wamutombo. -Deke speaks 9 languages fluently and you can actually understand his French. -Both Shaq and Deke wear size 22 shoes, but only Deke fits in them. -During the 1999 season, the NBA had to shorten the season because Deke's elbows were sharpened in the offseason. -Mutumbo has to wear elbow pads around his friends. It's not a joke. It's the truth. -The are over 1 million males that are willing to admit that they too, want to sex Mutumbo. No female on earth would be brave enough to say no.
The Black Death wasn't caused by the bubonic plague, it was just Deke doing the Running Man in Lagos.
The first atom was smashed when Mutombo knocked his elbows together. For four straight years, Georgetown University sexed Mutombo. The Congo's no 1 export is broken noses.
-FYI- THE CURRENT "CHUCK NORRIS FACTS" CIRCULATING THE INTERNET IS A RIP-OFF OF FACTS ABOUT DEKE. DON'T BE FOOLED -Deke thought up some of the funniest Deke facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to this list because he doesn't believe in any form of submission -Deke does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Sam Cassell goes killing -Deke was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop -Deke puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". -Deke sleeps with a night light. Not because Deke is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Deke -If you can see Deke, he can see you. If you can't see Deke you may be only seconds away from death. -Deke frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own -when Deke jumps into the water, Deke doesn't get wet, the water gets Deke'd those were originally on Sam Cassell, there are much more and they are freakin hilarious..
-Deke clogs the toilet even when he pisses. -If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Deke -The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Deke" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!". -When Deke was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Deke received an "A+" for writing only the words "Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo" and promptly turning in the paper -Deke's cowboy boots are made from real cowboys. -Deke never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the f*** off -Deke doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days. -Deke was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run -Oxygen requires Deke to live -Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Deke is on yet. -Deke has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Deke problem -Deke doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present
- Deke delivered fire to mankind by rubbing his ashy elbows together - Deke once elbowed an entire county to death then re-populated it without having sex with a single woman - he just shot whole babies out of his c**k - According to classified government files, Dekembe was Zaire's first air missile-defense system - Shane Battier had ridges implanted in his cranium to soften blows from Deke's elbows - Sam Cassell was stranded on Earth after Deke swatted down his alien mothership - Deke peed in a cup and introduced the modern world to "expresso" - Deke donated one of his testicals to the solar system and the other one to Lance Armstrong - while one of his donations are no longer considered a planet of our solar system, the other testical helped Lance win an unprecedented seven consecutive Tour de France titles
-Deke entered the rodeo as a bronco buster. He got last place, but only because the horse refused to buck this man. -Deke ran for Sheriff in Mbandaka. Crime pays now. Pays the sheriff. -Deke was born in Zaire, but once called it the Congo. Once was enough. -For New Years Eve, Deke had 25 women at once. He sexed them all, but only got a glimpse at full satisfaction. -When Dikembe was born his dad asked if it was a boy or a girl. The nurse said, "It's a man."
I laughed at all of them and could've agreed with them all....but Jack Bauer? GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE - JACK BAUER KILLS PEOPLE!
• Most men are OK with their wives fantasizing about Deke during sex, because they are doing the same thing. • Deke does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die. • Deke once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber. • If you try to introduce your mother to Deke, she'll introduce you to your biological father. • At birth, Deke came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Deke but Deke • Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Deke enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved. • Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Deke got an award for masturbating in public. • Deke once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Deke?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.
• A blind man once stepped on Deke' shoe. Sam replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Deke!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Deke. • Deke' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman. • They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Deke. He doesn't have to. • Deke does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. • Deke owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green ..4 card from the game UNO. • Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Deke. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine. • The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Deke. • When Deke exercises, the machine gets stronger. • Deke once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan. • If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Deke says its beef, then it's f***ing beef.
