[Chron] Bagwell aches to know what future holds

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/sports/bb/3281926

Bagwell aches to know what future holds

By RICHARD JUSTICE
Copyright 2005 Houston Chronicle

is reasonably confident he'll play again. And there are days like Monday.

"I'd say it's 50-50," he said.

He seemed so much more confident a month ago. He seemed sure he'd be able to write his own ending.

"I was," he said. "Now I know I'm still a long way away. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself. I understand that I might not be able to play again."

Is it worth asking about returning this season?

"Outside chance," he said. "Maybe as a pinch hitter."

The truth is that he doesn't know. He doesn't know about this season. He doesn't know about next season.

From the moment the pain in his right shoulder became intolerable and he removed himself from the lineup May 4, he knew he might not play again.

He underwent surgery to loosen the bones in his right shoulder. Doctors considered the surgery a last resort.


Haunting pain
Bagwell had no choice, because after four years of almost constant pain, after taking one painkiller to get through batting practice and another to get through a game, he couldn't continue.

He had bone rubbing against bone. He had a degenerative arthritic condition. Doctors told him he'd probably need a plastic shoulder once he was done with baseball. Only then would the pain be reduced.

What he declined to tell anyone the last four years, what he hated even talking about, was the level of pain. It was constant. And when he swung a bat or threw a ball, the pain was almost crippling.

He compensated with medication and by doing things differently. He let go of the bat at the end of his swing. He developed a shot-put throwing motion.

Incredibly, he was still productive. He was no longer great, but he was still better than most. He had 16 home runs and 49 RBIs after the All-Star break last season. He hit the home run that broke open Game 5 of the first-round playoff series against Atlanta.

Maybe that home run will end up being his last great moment. He seems OK with that possibility.


Immeasurable impact
He has 449 home runs and 1,525 RBIs. He and Craig Biggio will be remembered as the greatest players the Astros have ever had. But more than the numbers is what teammates, opponents, managers, scouts, coaches, pitchers and others thought of him.

They thought he was the consummate professional. They thought he was one of those players every other should be measured against.

Retirement surely won't be as easy as he thinks. This season on the sidelines may make the adjustment easier, but in the end, he understands he'll miss the games, the competition and the camaraderie more than he can now comprehend.

"I think it'll be a little easier because I'm going to stay in the game," he said. "I don't know what I'll do, but it'll be something. Being hurt the way I've been for the last four years, knowing my time was coming anyway, that has forced me to think about it.

"It's not like I'm at the beginning of my career anyway."

His rehabilitation focuses on stretching and strengthening the atrophied muscles in his right shoulder. He has begun to swing a bat lightly. He has made a few throwing motions.

He's 37, and he could be weeks from hitting off a tee and much longer from seeing live pitching. Catch him on another day, and he might be more optimistic. On Monday, he was anything but.

"It hasn't gone great so far," he said, "but it's early. It has just been six weeks (since the surgery). The therapist tells me the soreness I've had is normal."

If he gets past this stage of the rehab, he'll move to the harder task of swinging a bat harder, then facing live pitching.

"I'm trying to teach my muscles to go back to the way they're supposed to go. I've had four years of moving my arm the wrong motion. It's not an easy thing to do."

Bagwell missed the last trip to work on his rehab. He watched every game on television or the Internet. He speaks with Brad Ausmus regularly but mostly stays out of the way.

"It's not hard to watch the games," he said. "I want to see how guys are doing."

The hard part is knowing that a healthy Bagwell could make a difference. The Astros have positioned themselves for a sixth playoff appearance in nine years. This year they won't have the guy who, along with Biggio, anchored their clubhouse for more than a decade.

"I watch games and think if I could have gotten myself in there, I could have made a difference," he said. "We could be right there again. With the way the divisions are right
now, it's a heck of an opportunity."

He accepts he won't part of it. Having watched him be the center of almost everything the last 14 years, it's harder for a lot of the rest of us.

 

My bad.

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/sports/bb/3281926