More of a D&D discussion, but I've been down that path in my younger years. Not gonna happen haha. To each their own
Jontro speaks the truth. Easiest solution. Love God. Love her. Be happy. in that order. Then leave us the religious ones to us. why you be trying to take our women??
True but just because he shouldn't open that door up again doesn't mean he has to be a bad person about it. They have a history, she has a boyfriend and OP is in love with her. There is no possibility of becoming friends because that would never be anything that resembles a friendship. No matter what he is going to want her. If she wants to start talking more and actually become friends then OP should be honest with her and tell her he has feelings for her and it isn't a good idea. That is respectful to both her and himself. Like someone else said it sounds like she probably has relationship issues with her BF. There is no reason for her to be reaching out to OP now. He might just be some emotional life preserver (or she wants some side D) for her because she isn't happy with her relationship. People shouldn't be reaching out to old flames when they are in a relationship. That is a huge red flag. I have had what I thought were "friendships" in the past with girls that I had feelings for but continuing the friendship only made things harder. Our friendships were just us flirting and never hooking up and It only made me want them more. It was pretty much NEVER 100% platonic. I really don't have any "friendships" with females anymore because I know for me at this point in my life an actual friendship with a female probably isn't possible. We all either hooked up, one of us tried to hookup, I wasn't attracted to her or we just fell out of each other's lives. One of us, or both of us is/are probably going to want to bone. I do have some female acquaintances now like friends of friends, neighbors and coworkers but they aren't what I consider to be a real friend. I have always had pretty strong feelings for one girl in particular, a coworker, but I don't try and pretend to anyone or myself like that it is a relationship that I would consider to be an actual friendship. She kills me every day and I can't help it but I have a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend. I know that if I start hanging out with her outside of work or talking to her more like friends would then I am playing with fire. I just try and keep that door closed because I love my girlfriend. But that is just me and I am in a relationship so I have to have that filter so now I have a pretty strict distinction of what a real friend is. I am also a gooey and mushy hopeless romantic jackass and pretty much any female that I would want to hang out that has a pretty smile is going to start giving me some kind of feeling and that is not bueno now. I need to make some uggo lady friends.
you cant be friends with someone you are in love with...it wont work. you will be continually hurt and she will have all the control in the relationship. why is she contacting you if she has a boyfriend? either she is not happy with him and is just throwing a line out there or she is totally oblivious to how you feel or she knows you like her, but still wants to have some kind of platonic relationship with you...which takes me back to my point that she will have all the control in the relationship and you will continually be hurt and feel manipulated. and making yourself available will only make you less attractive in her eyes. you will seem desperate and weak and that aint sexy...stay away and if she is really into you she will come to you. EDIT: have you ever told her how you feel? if not, she may actually be oblivious and thats on you dawg.
If you're a 90's RnB fan (or a fan of RnB in general) you already know the answer. Debrah Cox and RL have already perfectly summed up your dilemma in their 1998 smash hit, "We Can't Be Friends". I recommend playing this song on repeat when you're stalking her on instagram.
Be friends with someone you love? That's like forcing your kid to sit outside an ice cream shop just to watch people inside eat ice cream.
Thanks, Jorah Mormont. Helpful study. Try to find friends with Benefits rather than Friends without any.
