Dear Abby, I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to an Australian. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling mar1juana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non parole life sentence in Mt. Eden Prison, Auckland, for the rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilizing her knowledge of the industry working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin. My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who graduated from Texas A&M? Signed, Worried About My Reputation. Dear Worried in New Zealand, No. Every family is entitled to some secrets. And some things revealed are cause for shame forever. Abby. ------------------ I am the b*stard son of LHutz. Huh? Right!
Nah, his spelling was too perfect to be anyone related to DOOKIE! ------------------ I am the founding member of the Butt-Nekkid Party! White House here we come!
That's one of the funniest damn things I've read in a long time! ------------------ Save Our Rockets and Comets SaveOurRockets.com
A belated LOL for RT!! ------------------ Ugh, Another Rockets off-season....I'm gonna need a keg of Pepto-Bismol.
Damn you RMT!!! Damn you back to the TU Hell you came from!!! Good joke though. I'm not a super Gig'em Aggie, but I must defend the honor when challenged. --------------------------------- Two Longhorns boarded a flight out of Dallas for Houston. One sat in the window seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take off, a Aggie got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Longhorns. He kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in for the flight when the Longhorn in the window seat said "I think I'll get up and get me a coke". "Oh let me get it for you" said the Aggie "it's really no problem". While he was gone, the Longhorn picked up his boot and spit in it. When the Aggie returned with the coke, the other Longhorn said "that looks good could you get me one also"? Again the Aggie obligingly went to fetch the coke and while he was gone, the Longhorn picked up the other boot and spit in it. The Aggie returned and they all sat back for the short trip to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Aggie pulled on his boots and immediately knew what had happened. "How long must this go on"? the Aggie asked."This enmity between our peoples? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes"?
LOL kim! That one was even funnier! ------------------ Ugh, Another Rockets off-season....I'm gonna need a keg of Pepto-Bismol.
Bubba Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch! " Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?" ------------------ In order to be a success in life, you need 2 things: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
Knock Knock...just kidding good stories,all of them ------------------ I'm not the type to eat it up but the type to hit it raw dog and seed it up.
LOL ------------------ Francis out top, 9 seconds on the clock, he gives a no look pass to Cuttino Mobley, 4 seconds left, Mobley passes to an open Langhi in the corner with 1 second left! Langhi at the buzzer.......YES!!! How Sweet It Is!!
