[Advice]How should I approach this situation involving a friend?

Introduce him to /r/keto on reddit and gently suggest that he'd feel better about himself if he took better care of himself. The weight is a security blanket against rejection, but getting it off is hard work. Ketogenic dieting has worked wonders for me. My wife and I love it, and it got me back in the gym and now the weight is really dropping off.

As far as the other issues, I was a fat, scared virgin in my early 20s so I can relate. I also had undiagnosed ADHD. One of the side effects of growing up with ADHD is that you develop something called rejection sensitive dysphoria. Almost everyone with ADHD answers yes to the following question: "For your entire life have you always been much more sensitive than other people you know to rejection, teasing, criticism, or your own perception that you have failed or fallen short." I think that its a fear of rejection that causes so many guys like Andrew to be so introverted and unmotivated.

I've found that the only solution to this sensitivity is by striving to achieve things in spite of my lack of comfort. Becoming aware of the sensitivity was an immense breakthrough. It kept me from becoming the best I could be because I was scared of failing. Now, I stop myself from being too negative. Momentum is everything. I still have problems, but my confidence is growing leaps and bounds.

 

The most important thing you said in your OP was that he was content. He sounds like a nice enough guy, and the fact is, he's not hurting anybody, or making anybody's life more difficult. He just enjoys being on his own, and might not be the biggest social butterfly. Everybody matures at their own rate, and eventually I'm sure he'll come into his own.

 

use constructive criticism, ive been in a similar situation with a my roommates little brother. Be there for advice, engage him, invite him to a few things and time will tell if he wants to change.

 

Don't change him and don't worry about it unless he expresses a desire to change. You can ask him questions, but don't make suggestions.

The guy probably doesn't talk to girls because he figures his weight would make it pointless and in most cases he's probably correct. So why should he put himself out there only to be rejected time and time again. That probably goes for kissing a girl as well.

He knows that he enjoys playing games and watching anime, and isn't rejected when he does that, so he continues to do that.

You might ask if he as an interest in women(or men). Ask if he has thought about pursuing any particular individual.

Let him know that you were curious because you hadn't seen anyone with his interests and lack of other interests. Make sure he knows that you aren't judging him but wanting to understand more about him.

All you can do is try and understand more about him. Unless of course you want to ditch him in which case don't ask him anything.

 

If you have the time, energy and insight to fix these things, then by all means do it. Truthfully the only genuinely destructive issue there is the lack of professional or economic direction, any other complaints you throw at him may just be projecting your own insecurities or indulging in some kind sanctioned verbal abuse.

 

Remembered seeing this on FB before. Reminds me of OP's description of Andrew (minus the finances part)

 

Invite him to play basketball or some type of activity that is fun but also will get him some exercise.

Then take him to a strip club. Get him a lap dance. If you're at Treasures pay for a handy for him.

He should naturally want to start approaching girls then

 

Just start inviting him to a bunch of stuff. He needs to learn how to talk to guys before attempting to talk to girls.

 

Out of curiosity, what's your obsession with him needing to interact with girls? Three items on your list have to do with that. How do you know he doesn't talk with girls, if you've never seen him in a situation that requires it? Just because he's mid-twenties and not partying every night doesn't mean he's a "loser."

Are you really friends with the guy? You said you've only hung out with him a few times, but now you want to step in and try to change the guy's life? And based off a few interactions, you come up with a judgmental and characteristic list? Sounds fishy to me.

How do you know he doesn't have other activities he attends to? For instance, I frequent my local card / comic shop often, and 1 out of 5 people there could be described as an "Andrew."

You should just let his family take care of the situation. Andrew is basically a "friend of a friend" to you. It's not your job to worry about him, especially since your bond with Andrew is so superficial.

If you really want to make a positive impact on Andrew's life, hang out with him more (assuming it's a feasible thing to do) and really get to know him, instead of coming up with basic assumptions that have come about only after a few hangouts.

 

Sounds like it's none of your business.

 

You would be better off inviting him out for a guys night. If he says no leave him alone.

 

Nah, that won't work. Introverts say no to everything - you just need to grab them without asking. Most of them would like to go out and meet some people (not a huge party, one person at a time - some sort of picnic or whatever), but since they never did that - they need a push. Just make sure he knows majority of people you guys go out with...

 

1. Tell him to register an account on Clutchfans.
2. Read threads by paulstfk, SKC, and that meth hooker guy.
3. profit???

 

Make him watch Happy Days and learn from the Fonz.

 

Irontexan it's good to hear that you genuinely care about this bother. He could probably use a really good friend, but don't rush the friendship. Take the time to gain his trust, which can only happen over time. Then he'll be more open to what you may have to say, because you'll have shown him that you truly do care about him.

Good luck with this.

 

If he's into card or card games I think if he could go for magic or another card game where he would be in his comfort zone would be a good idea, especially since many have like weekly casual tourneys and stuff. I feel like you have good intentions man, and people are interpreting you as an a hole. Me and some of my friends are kinda in this same boat. Buddy went to to ut and kinda blew it too much league I fuked up kinda in a different situation but I think my 2.8 and problems are salvageable. I really wish you the best man.

 

Honestly his life is none of your business, just leave him alone about this subject.

 

My one piece of advice.....never trust a person called Chris.

 

You butt out - he may have some behavioral issues you don't know about.

DD

 

I go on this Internet basketball fansite. Naturally, I've spent a good amount of time at this site, and I've gotten to know many members of this website, one of whom is this younger poster named IronTexan93. I've read a few of IronTexan93's posts, and I find him to be a nice guy, however there are some things about him that have seriously concerned me, and I don't know if I should approach him about my concerns.

Me and this other poster painfully agreed that IronTexan93 is a loser. I hate myself for even using that term, but I simply don't know how else I can describe the situation. He:

• Made a thread about his feelings on the life of another man that he barely knows
• Derives pleasure from the athletic achievements of others
• Spends his time interacting with faceless strangers via keyboards and dimly lit screens
• Isn't very concerned about his future nor does he know what he want's to do in life
• Worships others for their ability to throw a rubber ball through a hoop
• Is very kid-like in nature

This pains me, and it isn't because I feel like i'm such some cool douche who can't hang around with lame people, but because I actually wan't him to be happy and succeed in life, and right now he seems to be throwing it away.

I've only talked to another poster once about this, and he said that he agrees that IronTexan93's lifestyle isn't healthy, however If I wen't up to IronTexan93 and told him how I felt, he said he would get very offended because he feels content with how he is. And as much as I respect the fact that he feels content, I just don't feel comfortable not trying to help him out. He is at a time in his life where he should be enjoying his life, and he's just wasting it.

I don't know if anyone's been in a similar situation with a friend, family member, or BBS poster, but what should I do about this? Should I continue to let him live the way he does, or should I let him know about my concerns and risk jeopardizing my friendship with him?