My father passed away

Roscoe sorry to hear about your dad as well.

 

I am so, so sorry. Awesome that you have such a strong bond with your father...so many don't have anything close to that. Glad you did and still do!

 

Jontro you'll NEVER be able to prepare for it. Sounds like you get it. Say the things you're thinking ("I love you", "how grateful you are to have them as parents and the sacrifices they made for you", etc), because once they're gone (if you haven't done this) that's where the regrets will come in.

 

Harrisment sorry for your loss as well.

My dad was the one who turned me on to baseball when I was a kid back in the mid 60's. Took me to hundreds of Astros games over the yrs. He passed away in Oct '16 and just missed seeing the 'Stros FINALLY win it all. Me and my brother went to game 5 (WS) and we went out to L.A. for gm 7 as well. I know it sounds corny but we felt like he was with us and we wanted him to see it through our eyes. When Altuve threw that last grounder over to Gurriel to seal it I pointed up to the sky and said "dad they did it.....they freakin did it" and me and my brother were crying like babies.

 

Very sorry for your loss. It is absolutely a horrible time. Hopefully, you will have a chance to reflect on many of the good things he did and celebrate his life as well. But there will always be an absence felt when a parent passes. Best to you and your family.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. The way you and your sister always stayed with him is highly commendable. I can't bare to think what it must feel like. You are definitely in my thoughts and I can tell you cared a great deal for him.

I feel like I'm getting into a similar boat. My Dad turned 80 last year and started going downhill just like that. It turns how he has dementia (ALZ..). I am scared sh*tless for him, for me, for my whole family. His short term memory is gone. It's all happening so fast within just a year. Now, he just seems lost. I don't know what to do. I'm so depressed. At least he is still up and able to function albeit he seems to be on the moderate-severe level and in less than a year. It's not supposed to move this fast. I want to (and am starting to) cry a lot and it's always on my, or right in the back, of my mind. I only hope the memory meds he's been on for a month or two start to help but don't seem to be helping yet. He repeats questions constantly and we just repeat the answers over and over. Sometimes, we laugh but it's really covering up our sadness. I always felt my Dad had a long while left in his life. He's always been the rock in the family. He was always so on top of things and was obsessive about every thing to the point of OMG. It's such a role reversal now and his obsessive personality doesn't seem to help. Time feels so short. In a way, it feels like I already lost him and I wasn't even there when it happened as I don't live that close by. Mom said he couldn't remember my name last weekend so don't ask. I don't know how I'm going to get through, either. It almost feels easier if I weren't here to endure this but that obviously presents a whole new set of problems. Somehow, I just have to keep going and be there.

 

well sh*t breh.. reading that got me real sad. i don't knoe if you're a man of god, but i hope god gives you and all the brehs here the strenght to go thru such hard times.

my parents are not the healthiest physically and they have their own problems, as comes with age. reading this and other posts got me to think more and more about my parents and gets my eyes dusty.

 

that's what scares me. since reading this thread I've visited my parents after work more often. it saddens me when i see their current condition.

also i do want to verbalize what you said, but we are not, and never have been, that type of family and it'll come out as awkward. i wish we were that type like i see in tv where we say i love you every time before we separate or hang up the phone, but that is foreign to us. instead i try to show them how much i care and give them extra attention around the house and offering to help with this and that when I'm home.

 

I am so sorry @Falcons Talon

 

@Falcons Talon, my deepest condolences to you and your family. I can't tell how much I appreciate this thread that I know I'm going to revisit someday to read all these words with compassion and wisdom again when I need some healing. Thank you all.

 

I feel you, Jontro. Some families, including mine, just don't do that "I love you" all the time or much at all. My Mom, who has bi-polar disease (bless her heart) and I say it to each other but it came much later in life. My Dad and I (even my brother) really never say it to each other. It's just understood. My Dad always had a hard time being affectionate like that. It was rare he would get choked up and it usually had to do with my Mom's health battles (or when he had problems and felt like he was failing to be there for her...like when he fell and had to go to the ER (turned out to be okay)). I have said it to my Dad when he was emotionally down when my Mom was manic and had to go to the psych ward leaving him all alone for an extended period. He was having a hard time and I told him I loved him. We both gave each other a big hug and he cried. I know he was hurting. This was about 12 years ago. But, we usually just do the man thing and shake hands. I honestly feel like love is shown by being there and, to me anyway, saying it too often just feels like saying what is obvious anyway. But, I understand some people always want to hear it and other families exhibit that type of affection commonplace. Also, I am the same way about having regular visits, eating out with them, and helping around their house (I'm helping deliver and install a new washing machine and dryer this weekend). But, I live an hour away and I'm the one doing all the driving for visits. I can't be there as often as I would like. In comparison, my older brother is 10 - 15 minutes away so he takes on a lot to drive them to doctor appointments, etc. . It's tough because I can't just help out on a whim like that. But, thankfully, he works from home and has flexibility in his schedule. But, I know it's hard on him and he feels overwhelmed at times. It can make me feel worse because I feel like I'm not doing enough even though he says he's got it. Life is hard and it feels like it's only going to get harder. I guess it only gets easier once you get totally broken?

 

My Dad and I always did sports together, too. We battled playing driveway b-ball hoops regularly when I was growing up. We threw the baseball and pitched back and forth. We threw the football. It was like clockwork after he would come home from work. He and/or my Mom would be at my soccer games and baseball games driving me to practice. We would go to Oilers games, Rocket games, and Astros games. One time, we were sitting in the purple seats high up behind home plate at the Astrodome. I was probably 8 or 9 years old. I go off to score some nachos. I come back...and Dad had caught a Johnny Bench foul ball that was hit high and behind home plate with a one hand grab. Then, some attendant came and he said I caught it so she gave me some certificate to go with the ball. I was just totally in awe. I still have that ball somewhere. I need to find it again because it always meant so much to me. That's one thing my Dad and I always will have till the end of times...all the days we sported together. Those are where childhood memories are made and live on forever.

 

Your Dad looked like a really good guy and I love how he and your Mom were so affectionate around each other in those pictures. My parents rarely showed affection for each other publicly like that for as long as I can remember. And, I could feel that growing up. The few times I caught them being affectionate with each other stand out because of that. I missed out on those kinds of affections and memories between them...albeit I know deep down they love each other.

 

My deepest condolences to you and to your family, stay strong my man.

 

Jontro, I know showing love (action) is just as important as verbalizing it. However, trust me on this, the regrets in life aren't the things we do but rather the things we do NOT do.

When your parents are gone, and if you never told them that you loved them, it will eat at you for the rest of your life. You would give ANYTHING to have 10 seconds with them just to utter those three words. You can tell them right up front that you know how much they love you, which will take the pressure off of them to feel like they have to say it to you. Than just tell them you love them and how grateful you are to have them as parents.

Trust me it will save you a ton of HEARTACHE down the line by doing this. Who cares if your family isn't like this. YOU BE THE ONE TO BRAKE THE CYCLE!!!

 

Very sorry to hear that, @Falcons Talon.

I'm dealing with my mom being sick right now. She's in the hospital for the 2nd time in a week and they still don't know what the issue is. It's likely (and hopefully) complications from one of the anti-rejection meds she's been on (which coincidentally are showing as pneumonia but there's no infection and she's not producing red blood cells). That's the best case scenario. I'm trying to not think about what the worst case is. She has a bone marrow biopsy scheduled for today but it can take 3 business days to get the results back...which takes us into the middle of next week. My mom and I are very close and I'm doing my best to keep it together so that my dad doesn't have to. Still, I keep trying to put the worst out of my mind, and that includes having to tell my kids who are extremely close to their Bubbe. Her health has been below par for some time and you like to think you've prepared yourself for every eventuality...but you haven't.

 

Hang in there Leroy as I know first hand how overwhelming all of this can be. My mother has cancer (for the second time) and I've spent more time up at M.D.Anderson than I would have ever imagined due to complications.