Submit your Jazz Jokes here! Best one wins a prize!

[SpaceCity]

Here's a funny one, let's see if i can convert to a Jazz theme.....

Greg Ostertag, to show his love for his girlfriend Wendy, get's her name tatooed on his *****.

The following day he is in a restroom. At the urinal next to him is Brian Grant. Looking down, Greg sees the letters W and Y. He goes, "Wow Brian, is your girlfriend's name Wendy, too?"

Brian says, "What are you talking about?!"

Greg says, "I noticed the W and Y on your *****. I have the same tatoo."

Brian laughs and says, "No Greg, it says 'Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day'!"

[Jenna]

Rockfan.....just curious, do know the real history behind the nickname, "The Mailman?" Can anyone answer this question?

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Jenna
Bryce Drew has a roster spot and Eddie Johnson is on the bench in a suit for no apparent reason to us, or him. Things that make you go hmmmmm....

[BrianKagy]

Bryce Drew hit four huge three-pointers last night and scored a career-high 18 pts. Hmmmmmmmmm....

[BeamUsUpScottie^^^33]

Jenna:
I believe he was given the nickname after being known to "deliver under heaps of pressure."

Maybe that's a joke in itself. Take a look at his success in the pressuring times of the last two finals. http://bbs.clutchcity.net/ubb/smile.gif

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"The Mailman doesn't deliver on Sundays." Or any finals run for that matter...

[Jenna]

Scottie: close, but not quite. It's a little more complicated than that.

Kagy....I'd still rather see EJ on the floor.

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Jenna
Bryce Drew has a roster spot and Eddie Johnson is on the bench in a suit for no apparent reason to us, or him. Things that make you go hmmmmm....

[AntiSonic]

John Stockton and Karl Malone were in bed one night and... wait I don't think I can tell that one here...

How many Jazz players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two- one to hold the chair by the legs and the other to get two free chances at putting the bulb in after the chair "throws him on the floor."

Cheezy but oh-so-true to their style.

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-AntiSonic

We Will Watch Them Fall.

[JazzFan]

Let's get it on ClutchCity! I want to hear your best Jazz jokes? Here's my submission:

Karl Malone!

Ha ha, but seriously folks, a Jazz fan walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender yells at him, "Hey, get that thing out of here!" So the parrot says to the Jazz fan, "Sorry pal, you better take off".

Oh man I got a million of em.



[Note: This message has been edited by BrianKagy]

[keeley]

A trial was being held one sunny June day to determine who would get temporary custody of a young boy following the divorce of his parents. The judge asked the boy if he wanted to live with his mom.

The reply: "No...she beats me."

"How about your father?" asked the judge.

Again: "No...he beats me too."

After deliberating for a while, the judge decided to send the child to the Utah Jazz.

They can't beat anyone in June.

[Rockfan]

How did Karl Malone get the nickname, "Mailman"?

He always aspired to be a postal service worker, until he discovered another job where you can show up to work everyday pissed off and still get paid for it.

[JVoss]

Jazz Jokes ... isn't that redundant?

[BrianKagy]

Jenna-- Drew and EJ don't play the same position. His active roster spot is not necessarily at the expense of EJ.

If you deactive Drew and activate EJ, who backs up Mobley at the point?

Let me guess. You think we'd be effective with Pippen at the point and EJ at SF-- or at least contributing minutes at the '3' spot.

[Will]

Stockton walks into a bar. Ref ignores the walk, calls a blocking foul on the bar.

[IROC it]

Q: How do you drown Karl Malone?

A: Put a free throw line on the bottom of a twelve foot deep pool. Then when he goes to recite his voo-doo chant at the line...

Well, that stunk. But it would be one way to stop him from flopping like a fish outta water.

Q: From Malone's perspective, how many Jazz players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, named Karl, and the world revolves around him.

Okay, that was better. It's hard to take a blonde joke out of context isn't it?

I like keeley's joke best. http://bbs.clutchcity.net/ubb/wink.gif

[Jovi]

Yeah, Keeley´s jokes are the best!

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-Johannes

How sweet it is- Werther´s Original

[Jenna]

Kagy....I am well aware of that, but do you have any idea how much I dislike Bryce Drew? About as much as most of the people here dislike Karl Malone.

As for putting Pip at the 1 and EJ at the 3....I do not think so. Pip can take the ball up the court as much as he wants, but he is still more effective with someone a bit more natural at the 1 on the floor with him.

Pretty much, I don't like Bryce Drew. I'm kinda ticked that Houston signed EJ just to put him on the IR....it makes no sense. I know, I know - he's there "just in case." Don't make the man sit on the bench when he's perfectly capable of playing....heck, with Toronto's movement toward the veteran players, they may have been happy to have given him an active spot.

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Jenna
Bryce Drew has a roster spot and Eddie Johnson is on the bench in a suit for no apparent reason to us, or him. Things that make you go hmmmmm....

[DREAMer]

Will's joke had me rolling.

http://bbs.clutchcity.net/ubb/smile.gif

[IROC it]

:D :D :D
Blast from the past

[Roc Paint]

If you don't have suck ass, then you don't have the Jazz...
Jazz Suck!!

[pasox2]

Jazz joke a.

Q : What time is it?
A : How much time do we need?

Most reprehensible Jazz joke :

Karl Malone - MVP.

Jazz joke b.

Greg Ostertag. Sorry, only punchline available at this time.

Funniest Jazz story of late -

Olden Polynice - police officer. "Step out of the car, Miss."

Jazz joke c.

"Foul!"

[Drexlerfan22]

How can you tell that the Mailman's getting older?

A: On his fadeaways, he used to kick people in the chest, now he kicks people in the shins!

[saleem]

Keeley's jokes are hilarious. I'm not good with jokes but I would like to hear more jokes about "Officer" Polynice.

[Refman]

1) "I'm not a Jazz fan, but my WIVES are!!!!"

2) What is it with the Jazz uniforms. I think that there is something about them that makes people lose their balance when wearing the uni. Those guys spend the whole time on the floor. <puts on jersey> Woooooah..sh!+. <hits the floor> LOL

[EddieWasSnubbed]

I got one that kinda uses Kagy's joke:
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Olden Plynice is one day accused of Beating someone he *arrested* one spring day in April. The case goes to trial and the are taking the defendents plea. Polynice pleas innocent and the judge asks for a reason. Polynice then replies"Your honor,as a member of the Utah Jazz you know we can't beat anyone in April."
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Even though it uses the same punchline and storyline as Kagy's, i still found it pretty funny...

[francis 4 prez]

Q: what do a broken telephone and the jazz have in common.

A: no rings.




thank you, i'll be here all week.

[IROC it]

Salt Lake City Police Department has stopped issuing traffic fines.
They now issue Jazz tickets.


Second offense they make you go to the game.:D

[coolpet]

murder first degree: coach Jazz
murder 2nd degree: play for Jazz

[A-Train]

To paraphrase a joke from <i>American Pie</i>:

Why does DeShawn Stevenson drink cheap scotch?

Because he doesn't like ANYTHING that's aged 18 years...

[JayZ750]

Sticking with Deshawn Stevenson....

Deshawn was over at a girl's house one day and they were getting intimate. Things were going well and all of a sudden Deshawn takes the girl and puts her in the doggystyle position. Surprised, the girl says: "Isn't that a little presumptuous of you Deshawn?" to which he replies: "Isn't presumptuous a big word for a 10 year old!". Badda-boom

[DLev]

What's the difference between John Stockton and a bag of crap?

The bag