Just Proposed

[Realjad]

I'm getting the ring tomorrow and I saw her tonight. BTW we have been having our issues (we lived with each other then decided we needed to live in different places until we knew were ready. We had 'breathing' issues) but we have come together, we love each other.

I couldn't hold back and popped the question to her while we we're lying in her bed, she didn't believe me and kept asking if i was for-real. She said she was in awe and said 'Yah'. I told her I understood if she said no, but she said 'Yah'. I told her I'd get the ring tomorrow, she was excited for a brief moment and we kissed a few times then she fell asleep. I told her 'Don't rush your decision, its ok I just want to want be sure you believe this is the right choice'. I don't know if she heard it. I also said 'Should I go back to my place tonight' and she mumbled 'uh-huh' before falling asleep.

I told her I couldn't resist and I was sorry it wasn't a magical proposal, she said it was ok.

WHATS THIS MEAN?!?!?!

I just regret it now, I wish I would have waited on getting the ring and then popped it at an awesome moment.

[krnxsnoopy]

Were you guys drunk?

[CharlieMurphy]

Sure hopes it works out for you, given your previous threads. Best of luck man.

[JeeberD]

WTF, she fell asleep after you proposed? There's something just a touch odd about that...

[Mr. Brightside]

http://bbs.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?t=158070

Lol :D

I suspect epic thread.

[Realjad]

http://bbs.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?t=158070

Lol :D

I suspect epic thread.

Yeah it's a roller coaster, she is a master manipulator...

It seems we still have our issues, I really want the ring to just show my sincerity and then get married next year

WTF, she fell asleep after you proposed? There's something just a touch odd about that...

That's where I did wrong, I should have waited, I regret it now. Oh well, we will see her reaction when she see's the ring tomorrow...

[Invisible Fan]

congrats

[inler]

you'd probably want to propose again when you give her the ring with the gigantic rock on it

[Honey Bear]

She wears braces?

[SwoLy-D]

Hmmm... this needs a little "fixing"... :

I'm getting the ring tomorrow and I saw her tonight. BTW we have been having our issues (we lived with each other then decided we needed to live in different places until we knew were ready. We had 'breathing' issues) but we have come together, we love each other.

I couldn't hold back and popped the question to her while we we're lying in her bed, she didn't believe me and kept asking if i was for-real. She said she was in awe and said 'Yah'. I told her I understood if she said no, but she said 'Yah'. I told her I'd get the ring tomorrow, she was excited for a brief moment and we kissed a few times then she fell asleep. I told her 'Don't rush your decision, its ok I just want to want be sure you believe this is the right choice'. I don't know if she heard it. I also said 'Should I go back to my place tonight' and she mumbled 'uh-huh' before falling asleep.

I told her I couldn't resist and I was sorry it wasn't a magical proposal, she said it was ok.

WHATS THIS MEAN?!?!?!

I just regret it now, I wish I would have waited on getting the ring and then popped it at an awesome moment.

Fixed. ;)

What is this, a trend...? People proposing when relationships are on the rocks... without rings... on the bed... and getting questioned if it's 'for real' and, on top of that, the woman saying 'it was ok'?? WOW. I don't know whether to :D . :rolleyes:, or to :( this thread. Oh, yeah, BTW, congratulations sir, on you "acceptance." Weird.

[FranchiseBlade]

Pop it again with the ring, in whatever traditional romantic way you wished you'd done it originally. Just tell her you wanted to make sure you got it right.

[Davidoff]

http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/2310/bahandoverfacemf5.jpg

[Rocket River]

WTF, she fell asleep after you proposed? There's something just a touch odd about that...


I guess you were expecting a 'Happy Ending'


Rocket River
. .. could not help myself

[danny317]

well atleast you know the answer so you wont be charged a restocking fee if you had to return the ring. :D

congrats!

[DaDakota]

Call George Castanza and get you some good envelopes !!!

DD

[Yonkers]

I hope it works out. Congrats.

[ima_drummer2k]

I proposed without the ring.

I had it all planned out. Trip to Galveston for the weekend, already asked her Dad's permission (I'm old school like that), had the spot on the beach picked out, had the whole day/night planned out, had the whole proposal planned and everything. But a couple of days before we were leaving, the jeweler called and said the ring wouldn't be ready until the next week.... :mad:

I still did it and it was great. Not as good as with the ring, but we laugh about it now.

Congrats.

EDIT: Wait, is this the chick that you had the previous threads about????

[MoBalls]

I'm getting the ring tomorrow and I saw her tonight. BTW we have been having our issues (we lived with each other then decided we needed to live in different places until we knew were ready. We had 'breathing' issues) but we have come together, we love each other.

I couldn't hold back and popped the question to her while we we're lying in her bed, she didn't believe me and kept asking if i was for-real. She said she was in awe and said 'Yah'. I told her I understood if she said no, but she said 'Yah'. I told her I'd get the ring tomorrow, she was excited for a brief moment and we kissed a few times then she fell asleep. I told her 'Don't rush your decision, its ok I just want to want be sure you believe this is the right choice'. I don't know if she heard it. I also said 'Should I go back to my place tonight' and she mumbled 'uh-huh' before falling asleep.

I told her I couldn't resist and I was sorry it wasn't a magical proposal, she said it was ok.

WHATS THIS MEAN?!?!?!

I just regret it now, I wish I would have waited on getting the ring and then popped it at an awesome moment.

It means shut up and go to sleep cabron. This is more boring than MLWOO's stories.

[Fatty FatBastard]

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[Surfguy]

Did you'll just finish having great sex before you popped the question, i.e. you had an epiphany that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this woman because the sex was great and it led you to thinking about all the great things you love about her? I guess I'm wondering why you were so spur of the moment with the question...versus planning it better. Now, you have a double pop scenario...which is okay but the surprise element is gone. Hey, at least you got an answer in person and not over the phone like the other poster. But, you kind of fumbled as well. That's okay. Congrats!

[conquistador#11]

I think it's time for women to start proposing to men. It's only the fair thing to do.

[juicystream]

A metal detector went off on me while I had the ring in my pocket when me and my now wife were going to the Atlanta Aquarium. My mother-in-law was right, I should have just got down on my knee and proposed to her right then. Ugh. :(

[dskillz]

Man, you seem so unsure of yourself and little to no self-confidence.

She seemed to say yes, but then you immediately are like, "If you say no I understand"? WTF kind of nonsense is that? Then you ask, "Should I go back to my place tonight"? What? You just asked this woman to be your wife and then you want to go back home? Something is extremely weird about all of this.

Hate to be the party pooper, but it seems to me you are really trying to force this relationship to the next level when there is no reason for it go there. Proposing marriage doesn't fix problems, it creates new ones.

[optimalRocket]

Man, you seem so unsure of yourself and little to no self-confidence.

She seemed to say yes, but then you immediately are like, "If you say no I understand"? WTF kind of nonsense is that? Then you ask, "Should I go back to my place tonight"? What? You just asked this woman to be your wife and then you want to go back home? Something is extremely weird about all of this.

Hate to be the party pooper, but it seems to me you are really trying to force this relationship to the next level when there is no reason for it go there. Proposing marriage doesn't fix problems, it creates new ones.

lol His story was "fixed" but I agree anyway. ;)

[TMac640]

I had no idea this trend was so popular. Or maybe it's a trend that's only on a Rockets BBS :).

Yet, what is going on with people proposing when their relationship is rocky? That is exactly the time you DO NOT propose, lol.

Congratulations.... maybe... but really think about this man. This is the same chick that was wishy-washy not even a few weeks ago.

[Fatty FatBastard]

Just checked your last thread. In less than 3 weeks, y'all have gone from breaking up to proposing.

You should've stuck to your guns from the last thread. History typically shows that these almost never end well.

[rocketsjudoka]

I think it's time for women to start proposing to men. It's only the fair thing to do.

I had a woman propose to me. She didn't get down on her knees or anything but just aksed me if I wanted to get married. I said no and that ended the relationship.

[rocketsjudoka]

Realjad;

Good luck. Congratulations if things work out and if they don't don't get too down on yourself.

[dskillz]

lol His story was "fixed" but I agree anyway. ;)


Oh, lol.

Either way, if he broke up with her 3 weeks ago why is he proposing to her now? Does he think the ring is going to make things magically better?

[professorjay]

A metal detector went off on me while I had the ring in my pocket when me and my now wife were going to the Atlanta Aquarium. My mother-in-law was right, I should have just got down on my knee and proposed to her right then. Ugh. :(

We went to visit a friend in NYC a few weeks ago and I decided this would be the perfect time to propose. I considered I would get checked in a few places (airport, maybe Rockefeller Center - where I planned to propose, etc). I carried the ring around town in my sunglasses case in case we went anywhere w/ a metal detector and figured I could put it through the scanner. Taking out a ring box would be a dead giveaway.

I ended up proposing in Central Park before the surprise could be spoiled.

[Lady_Di]

I agree...proposing DOES not work out your previous problems. What you need to do is to continue to work the problems out and when you guys are happy for a while, then you can propose.

Otherwise, good luck!

[moestavern19]

You should have just texted her in italics broseph. Get with the times.


On the serial though, a chick waits her whole life to be proposed to... I mean its like the most exciting thing that could ever happen to them. So I don't know what to tell you what that means if she just fell asleep not long after.

[heypartner]

The best sex I ever had was the night I proposed.

that said: we did fall asleep on our wedding night. lol. in our defense, the party moved to the wedding suite (had multiple rooms) and some people just wouldn't leave. that was one of the "note to self" moments: Don't let the party into the wedding suite.

[juicystream]

We went to visit a friend in NYC a few weeks ago and I decided this would be the perfect time to propose. I considered I would get checked in a few places (airport, maybe Rockefeller Center - where I planned to propose, etc). I carried the ring around town in my sunglasses case in case we went anywhere w/ a metal detector and figured I could put it through the scanner. Taking out a ring box would be a dead giveaway.

I ended up proposing in Central Park before the surprise could be spoiled.

I had no idea there would be metal detectors. I actually made it through the metal detectors at the CNN center later in the day without it going off.

What was really funny was we had gone to the mall like 2 weeks before we went on this trip, which was for her 21st B-day, and she wanted to go look at Kay's to try on the engagement ring that she wanted for the millionth time and was pissed because it was gone because I had already bought it 2 days earlier. It was a great weekend though.

[percicles]

The best sex I ever had was the night I proposed.

that said: we did fall asleep on our wedding night. lol. in our defense, the party moved to the wedding suite (had multiple rooms) and some people just wouldn't leave. that was one of the "note to self" moments: Don't let the party into the wedding suite.

The best sex I've had was after a fight.

[rrj_gamz]

^ word...

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b400/rrj_gamz/SiskoAnimated.gif

WTF is that...she just rolls over and falls asleep? crazy...

[mlwoo]

The best sex I've had was after a fight.
The best sex I've ever had was with an ugly girl.

She was so involved in it . . . so present, so grateful.

[Realjad]

So I pick the ring up tonight at 6, I called her this mourning while I was having lunch with a friend and she told me she doesn't remember anything about last night. I told her 'How do you not remember, I proposed to you.' and she was all like 'Really?!?! I thought that was a dream, How should I feel?'. I told her that She should be happy and SURE. Most of all not afraid to give me an answer then I let her go. I stopped by her mothers house on the way home to talk to her and see the kids since she was babysitting them for the day, also to see if she knew what was going on and I opened up to her. In the middle of our conversation she called her mom and told her that she remembered last night and that I finally proposed and she told me yes, but is so scared with all that's happened in the last two months...

Her mother told me she's been telling her closest friends that were 'back' and that she talks about me allllllll the time. When the kids ask she tells them I'll be home soon.

Sometimes I feel her feelings have changed and I'm more-so a 'security blanket' or like im someone she doesn't want to be with anymore but doesn't want to lose either, other times she seems she's addicted to me and everything we do and feel were best friends again. The fact is she has been addicted to me through our entire relationship up until the night I had it out on her, things haven't completely repaired. (Something I haven't told anyone is that she was engaged before and held up in that relationship for 4 years until it was evident she was being cheated on, then she was kicked out to the curb when she confronted him.) So I know the night I went off on her scarred her emotions in a way and she loves me to death but is scared to give her heart again since I hurt it once.

I do believe she has an everlasting love for me so I do believe she is scared.

BTW my best sex experience is a tie from Halloween and Sex after a fight ;)

[krnxsnoopy]

Sometimes I feel her feelings have changed and I'm more-so a 'security blanket' or like im someone she doesn't want to be with anymore but doesn't want to lose either

99% of the time.. your gut feeling is right.

You're already at a point you might as well go for it, but don't get played. If it doesn't work then let it be and move on. Don't force it.

[rrj_gamz]

So I pick the ring up tonight at 6, I called her this mourning while I was having lunch with a friend and she told me she doesn't remember anything about last night. I told her 'How do you not remember, I proposed to you.' and she was all like 'Really?!?! I thought that was a dream, How should I feel?'. I told her that She should be happy and SURE. Most of all not afraid to give me an answer then I let her go. I stopped by her mothers house on the way home to talk to her and see the kids since she was babysitting them for the day, also to see if she knew what was going on and I opened up to her. In the middle of our conversation she called her mom and told her that she remembered last night and that I finally proposed and she told me yes, but is so scared with all that's happened in the last two months...

Her mother told me she's been telling her closest friends that were 'back' and that she talks about me allllllll the time. When the kids ask she tells them I'll be home soon.

Sometimes I feel her feelings have changed and I'm more-so a 'security blanket' or like im someone she doesn't want to be with anymore but doesn't want to lose either, other times she seems she's addicted to me and everything we do and feel were best friends again. The fact is she has been addicted to me through our entire relationship up until the night I had it out on her, things haven't completely repaired. (Something I haven't told anyone is that she was engaged before and held up in that relationship for 4 years until it was evident she was being cheated on, then she was kicked out to the curb when she confronted him.) So I know the night I went off on her scarred her emotions in a way and she loves me to death but is scared to give her heart again since I hurt it once.

I do believe she has an everlasting love for me so I do believe she is scared.

BTW my best sex experience is a tie from Halloween and Sex after a fight ;)

Ok, smartass me says run...

But so does rational me...so...run away...seriously...

[dskillz]

99% of the time.. your gut feeling is right.

You're already at a point you might as well go for it, but don't get played. If it doesn't work then let it be and move on. Don't force it.


Exactly. Your gut feeling is based on everything you have seen and heard from this person. We often try to ignore the gut feeling because we want to live in our fantasy world where everything works out.

[conquistador#11]

Don't pick up the ring.... nooooooo. ..
can you put the ring on hold and just tie a string around her finger until she proves herself?

[coma]

I told her 'How do you not remember, I proposed to you.' and she was all like 'Really?!?! I thought that was a dream, How should I feel?'.

I don't know, man. Getting married is every little girl's dream, something like a proposal would wake any woman up, regardless of how tired she is. Turning over and going to sleep immediately isn't close to a normal reaction. On top of that, telling you to go back to your place wasn't normal either. For future reference, you shouldn't have asked.

Personally, her behavior/reaction to your proposal was unacceptable. You obviously feel the same way, but you are choosing to encourage her by letting it slide.

Anyway, from the sounds of it, she owns you. If you're that type of guy, and can live that kind of life, then by all means, go be happy with her.

Love is grand, but never at the cost of your manhood.

[danny317]

she told me she doesn't remember anything about last night.

NOT GOOD.

[Lady_Di]

Seriously, don't get the ring anymore. She doesn't remember? She's obviously conflicted about this. If I got proposed to in the bed, I would have woken up! I have been proposed before my fiance and I turned that guy down flat. Maybe she didn't want to say no to avoid hurting your feelings. Like someone said, don't force it. Move on and let things fall in the place. For some reason, I think you'll just go ahead and do it anyway.

[Realjad]

To LadyDi ^^ there's kids involved and she knew I was already building our foundation as if we we're going to be with each other for the long haul. We always joked about Ring Pops. We have talked about money, we have talked about everything but have held our self back for the knowingly forthcoming 'engagement ring'. I always gave signs I was going to ask right around the corner and she always got so excited but I never did I was biding my time. I feel now that I have its to late.

I already payed for the ring, a little over 2 grand and I regret it already. Aha I'm such a sucker I swear, I can make no mention of marriage again, see how things work out, hold on to the ring if it does workout. Is this possible or have I gone to far already? Quite honestly I don't regret the ring, It proved to myself how much I gave and cared for her.. I was working over consistently (took a very noticeable toll) and sold some personal belongings that meant the world to me to get it. Vice-Versa I can careless now, I want to move forward in my life.

[Surfguy]

wait...i'm confused. are you the guy who opened a thread about three weeks ago saying she left you, it was over with, and you didn't know what to do with yourself? or, was that someone else? i can't keep up with all the drama. sorry.

[Sooner423]

wait...i'm confused. are you the guy who opened a thread about three weeks ago saying she left you, it was over with, and you didn't know what to do with yourself? or, was that someone else? i can't keep up with all the drama. sorry.
Yep, that was him.

http://bbs.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?t=158070

That took a lot of balls to post that youtube video.

[ElPigto]

To LadyDi ^^ there's kids involved and she knew I was already building our foundation as if we we're going to be with each other for the long haul. We always joked about Ring Pops. We have talked about money, we have talked about everything but have held our self back for the knowingly forthcoming 'engagement ring'. I always gave signs I was going to ask right around the corner and she always got so excited but I never did I was biding my time. I feel now that I have its to late.

I already payed for the ring, a little over 2 grand and I regret it already. Aha I'm such a sucker I swear, I can make no mention of marriage again, see how things work out, hold on to the ring if it does workout. Is this possible or have I gone to far already? Quite honestly I don't regret the ring, It proved to myself how much I gave and cared for her.. I was working over consistently (took a very noticeable toll) and sold some personal belongings that meant the world to me to get it. Vice-Versa I can careless now, I want to move forward in my life.

Dude you gotta make up your mind.

I'm not a married man, have never proposed, but I don't think the way you are having many mixed emotions as well as her is helping. You've already asked though and you mentioned it again. I think you just got yourself in a big mess and this could cause problems if you try to back out but then again you must consider your own future.

I hope everything works out for you because you sure got yourself in some sort of trouble there.

[DaDakota]

If her mom is hot, go through with it, if her mom is a big fat tub of goo...run for the hills.

DD

[Invisible Fan]

Sometimes I feel her feelings have changed and I'm more-so a 'security blanket' or like im someone she doesn't want to be with anymore but doesn't want to lose either, other times she seems she's addicted to me and everything we do and feel were best friends again. The fact is she has been addicted to me through our entire relationship up until the night I had it out on her, things haven't completely repaired. (Something I haven't told anyone is that she was engaged before and held up in that relationship for 4 years until it was evident she was being cheated on, then she was kicked out to the curb when she confronted him.) So I know the night I went off on her scarred her emotions in a way and she loves me to death but is scared to give her heart again since I hurt it once.

I do believe she has an everlasting love for me so I do believe she is scared.


I gotta say, the way you describe your relationship and its history throws all sorts of alarm bells, but if she's the love of your life, then some things are worth pursuing.

If I get you right, she was expecting you to propose before the incident, but after it, she's guarded and protective of herself? How did you get back together? Were promises made?

IMO, if you are certain she is the one for you, and you have the impression she was certain you're the one for her, then you're going to have to push all those doubts about her using you as backup and use that restless energy spent on thinking on something more productive... like proposing to her the way you fantasized and one you think is deserving for her.

Old fashioned or not, women like confidence and they can smell your self doubt a mile away. You never gave her a definitive proposal. To tell you the truth, it sounded like a half assed thought. And for all she knows, she's afraid that you proposed in the heat of emotion and now pride is covering up something you can't take back.

End all doubt and uncertainty. It'll be good for the both of you because if the both of you can't answer your own doubts about each other, how are you supposed to stand as a couple against the doubts outside your relationship?

Show her that your love operates on all levels...That you are in control of your feelings and desires (even if you're not)... and she will respond back.

Hey, she could be right that it could be too fast after the incident, but it was you who decided to propose. Now you have to take control and responsibility to set the tone. If only to reign in the emotional instability imploding in the back of your mind.

Only if you mean half of the things you're saying and are truly up for the sacrifice.


...and whether she says yes or no, the both of you need some guidance. Too much internalized baggage and not enough communication.

[Rocket River]

Not meaning to mean or anything
but
Your relationship sounds like my worse nightmare

Rocket River

[ferrari77]

The best sex I've ever had was with an ugly girl.

She was so involved in it . . . so present, so grateful.

:D That sounds like something Jack Donaghy would say.

[geeimsobored]

Not meaning to mean or anything
but
Your relationship sounds like my worse nightmare

Rocket River

After reading this thread (and the previous one he made) I took a look at my worst relationships and smiled.

[jlaw718]

Unfortunately, most of us have had relationships we stayed in a bit longer than we should've, but simply lacked the perspective to realize it. Or had the ability to walk away knowing that the inevitable void of a failed relationship was waiting for us -- at least temporarily. Most of the time these complicated machinations that we rationalize as simply "mis-communications" or "rough spots" are so much more than that. And I think we sorta know it deep down inside, also. Every time I see these relationship threads, they all seem to read the same way, whether it be (I think) RM95's (?) different situations or those of other posters. Unfortunately these things all tend to end the same way, and it sucks. I hope OP maintains enough clarity so simply make good choices, because life is way too short to live unhappily.

[pradaxpimp]

Were you laying in bed after gettin some or not?

That makes a big difference.

You don't want baby batter on the brain when making decision like that.

[keeyanballa08]

I already payed for the ring, a little over 2 grand and I regret it already. Aha I'm such a sucker I swear, I can make no mention of marriage again, see how things work out, hold on to the ring if it does workout. Is this possible or have I gone to far already? Quite honestly I don't regret the ring, It proved to myself how much I gave and cared for her.. I was working over consistently (took a very noticeable toll) and sold some personal belongings that meant the world to me to get it. Vice-Versa I can careless now, I want to move forward in my life.

MAKE SURE SHE NEVER READS THAT!
you need to get your stuff together man.
one second you say you all in it, the next you say you regret it, and then you dont regret it. Im so confused, but prob not as much as you are with your relationship.
just play everythin slow, yall just broke up and now you proposin to her?
i have 2 sisters that have been married/engaged this year alone, one of whom is engaged to our very own Stack24, and they sure as hell did not go to sleep right after
next time you pop that question or whatever you do, make sure there is somethin romantic about it, and you are sure, because im thinking she thought it was a dream, because it was not the way she would have thought someone would have proposed to her...and then ask her the questions you did right after..makin that the worst dream she wished she didnt.

[KDavis]

OK Buddy:


I have asked this question in the last thread, but i never got an answer.


ARE THESE YOUR BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN?

[bladeage]

Unfortunately, most of us have had relationships we stayed in a bit longer than we should've, but simply lacked the perspective to realize it. Or had the ability to walk away knowing that the inevitable void of a failed relationship was waiting for us -- at least temporarily. Most of the time these complicated machinations that we rationalize as simply "mis-communications" or "rough spots" are so much more than that. And I think we sorta know it deep down inside, also. Every time I see these relationship threads, they all seem to read the same way, whether it be (I think) RM95's (?) different situations or those of other posters. Unfortunately these things all tend to end the same way, and it sucks. I hope OP maintains enough clarity so simply make good choices, because life is way too short to live unhappily.

truer words have never been spoken.

[Realjad]

So she accepted, there's still some issues we want to work through but we're committed to try to work them out you can't change feelings.

Our families are aware and it hasn't quite 'hit' her yet. She said she can't wear the ring to her job because of the job she does and last night had the nerve to tell me 'Lets wait until we have time to talk before we go public with it' so around the weekend after Christmas. Whats this mean? Are my worst fears about the guys at work true? You know before she started that job she was addicted to me, every time we'd argue and I'd go up to see her at work she'd have a bracelet or something on her that reminded her of me. I feel expendable now and not many things have hurt more then the 'Lets wait before we make it public so don't go around telling everyone or changing your myspace yet.'

I never thought she was the type to play games but here I am thinking there's an evil side or something. It seems she's a different person now then before. She never lied to me before in our relationship but here's the 3 lies that I've caught her in.

1. She thought I was asleep one night while I was talking to the kids, the next day she told me I was cussing them out in my sleep and she saw the pain in my eyes.. She thought the pain in my eyes was because I 'cussed' the kids out when it was there because I knew she was lieing for no other reason then to hurt me.

2. The night I proposed, she told me she didn't remember a thing about the previous night. I said 'How do you not remember I proposed?', she said 'I thought that was a dream!'. She accepted another proposal. I was talking to her mother at her house when she called her, I had her mom ask her what happened last night and she told her 'He proposed, I love him I'm just scared'. I asked her if she really didn't remember the night before and she told me 'No I really didn't, my mom asked me and I told her I don't remember a thing'.

3. Not a lie for sure but she says the guys she works with are just 'friends' yadda yadda yadda. It's odd she wants to keep our 'engagement' a secret or private until the end of the month.

I told her she's clearly not ready for this commitment and she disagreed. Im one of the most self-dependant people you'll ever meet yet I gave her my weakness something I've never given to anyone. Now I feel played with and I'm in an engagement.

[Davidoff]

Why are your friends or your parents not talking you out of this?? It's obvious that you're not seeing all the danger signs that this "relationship" has, it's some how blinded you..

Be careful, after reading your account of the situation I've come to the conclusion that..

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[bobrek]

...I told her she's clearly not ready for this commitment and she disagreed. Im one of the most self-dependant people you'll ever meet yet I gave her my weakness something I've never given to anyone. Now I feel played with and I'm in an engagement.

Just because you are in an engagement, doesn't mean it can't be broken off.

[DaDakota]

Dude, if you call it off, you get back...."HAND"....

DD

[ima_drummer2k]

'Lets wait before we make it public so don't go around telling everyone or changing your myspace yet.'
No offense, but the bolded part made me laugh.

Changing one's myspace page is a sure sign of a SERIOUS SERIOUS commitment.

[mlwoo]

Things that make me think you both are way too immature to consider getting married:

You already have kids. Plural.

You have to live in separate places because you can't stop fighting.

She makes up lies??

She pretends not to hear you.

You don't want her to make it "official" by changing her Myspace.

You use Myspace.

You cry about your problems on the internet.

You cry about your problems to her mom.

You don't have enough balls to not say ". . . but I understand if you don't want to get married."

To name a few.

[danny317]

So she accepted, there's still some issues we want to work through but we're committed to try to work them out you can't change feelings.

Our families are aware and it hasn't quite 'hit' her yet. She said she can't wear the ring to her job because of the job she does and last night had the nerve to tell me 'Lets wait until we have time to talk before we go public with it' so around the weekend after Christmas. Whats this mean? Are my worst fears about the guys at work true? You know before she started that job she was addicted to me, every time we'd argue and I'd go up to see her at work she'd have a bracelet or something on her that reminded her of me. I feel expendable now and not many things have hurt more then the 'Lets wait before we make it public so don't go around telling everyone or changing your myspace yet.'

I never thought she was the type to play games but here I am thinking there's an evil side or something. It seems she's a different person now then before. She never lied to me before in our relationship but here's the 3 lies that I've caught her in.

1. She thought I was asleep one night while I was talking to the kids, the next day she told me I was cussing them out in my sleep and she saw the pain in my eyes.. She thought the pain in my eyes was because I 'cussed' the kids out when it was there because I knew she was lieing for no other reason then to hurt me.

2. The night I proposed, she told me she didn't remember a thing about the previous night. I said 'How do you not remember I proposed?', she said 'I thought that was a dream!'. She accepted another proposal. I was talking to her mother at her house when she called her, I had her mom ask her what happened last night and she told her 'He proposed, I love him I'm just scared'. I asked her if she really didn't remember the night before and she told me 'No I really didn't, my mom asked me and I told her I don't remember a thing'.

3. Not a lie for sure but she says the guys she works with are just 'friends' yadda yadda yadda. It's odd she wants to keep our 'engagement' a secret or private until the end of the month.

I told her she's clearly not ready for this commitment and she disagreed. Im one of the most self-dependant people you'll ever meet yet I gave her my weakness something I've never given to anyone. Now I feel played with and I'm in an engagement.

have you not been reading all the alarm bells going off in this thread alone?

she doesnt want to go public?... not good...

[dskillz]

Why are your friends or your parents not talking you out of this?? It's obvious that you're not seeing all the danger signs that this "relationship" has, it's some how blinded you..



I am thinking they have warned him before and he keeps going back for more. At a certain point I am sure his friends/family have just given up and let him do his thing.

Reading his last post about all the red flags and he STILL proposed to her tells me alot. It is like he is going to try everything he can to get this girl. I have seen it before.

A friend of mine was with a girl he should NOT have been with. He first stopped hanging out with his friends, then started doing everything she was into, then let her make decisions for him, he did everything to surrender to her so she would be with him. It worked for a few months, the problems started again. So he hurried up and bought her a ring and proposed. They got married, 8 months into it they were going to get divorced because she was out partying with guys from work when she was telling him she worked late. So did he leave her? No, he got her pregnant thinking it would calm her down. Nope. He was sitting at home playing mr mom while she partied.

As incredible as it sounds, I think "Realjad" might be worse off than my friend. He really needs to stop worshipping this chic and actually get some self-respect.

[Lady_Di]

you're delusional, my friend. get out of this relationship, period.

[DaDakota]

No girl is worth all these games...come on dude.......you know in your heart it is not right, just reading your posts you can tell.

If you are determined to go through with it, don't set a date for the wedding, plan for a prolonged engagement so that you guys can be TOTALLY sure....

DD

[ima_drummer2k]

I am thinking they have warned him before and he keeps going back for more. At a certain point I am sure his friends/family have just given up and let him do his thing.
Along with this bbs...

[KDavis]

Please God answer this question:


Are these your biological children?



(If not you should run as fast as possible)

If they are you need to work out a visitation schedule.

[conquistador#11]

http://static.amctv.com/img/originals/shootout/guests517x307/chazzpalminteri517.jpg

kid, you dump eh'
dump eh' fast.

[JeopardE]

Realjad, listen to me very closely.

1. Love is not an emotion, and it's not a feeling. It's a conscious action. Emotions are temporary and have no place in a marriage decision. They're nothing but chemicals and hormones altering your normal brain functions so that you can get laid and reproduce. Forget everything you see in movies, forget what you see in ads, forget that bullcrap you see on Grey's Anatomy and other TV shows. They are lies. All lies. This is an exclusive contract you are entering into with another person for the rest of your life.

2. Love is not blind. In fact, love REQUIRES both eyes fully open with better than 20/20 vision. You had better know what the heck you're doing, and you had better evaluate everything, get an outside opinion, etc. Ignore danger signs at your own peril. If you think breaking up a relationship at this stage is hard, you have no idea what torture awaits you in a divorce situation. Not to mention the emotional damage and disruption you will inflict on your children.

Red flags, red flags everywhere. Dude, rescind this proposal NOW. And don't do it again until both of you have sorted out your issues completely. You may even need counseling at this point.

[bigtexxx]

Son, you'd be a fool not to break off this engagement. You're setting yourself up for a life of pain. A life of real pain.

[Rock3t Man]

Things that make me think you both are way too immature to consider getting married:

You already have kids. Plural.

You have to live in separate places because you can't stop fighting.

She makes up lies??

She pretends not to hear you.

You don't want her to make it "official" by changing her Myspace.

You use Myspace.

You cry about your problems on the internet.

You cry about your problems to her mom.

You don't have enough balls to not say ". . . but I understand if you don't want to get married."

To name a few.

LOL!

This story is hilarious, I want to make a youtube movie, Im sure the original characters will want to be a part of it.

This is something else, this dude is indecisive and he doubts her so much, but the worst part is he has reason to.

Please don't get married, with the economy going down it will get worse, not only will you have to change your orientation on myspace, but your salary amount as well.

[finalsbound]

Please God answer this question:


Are these your biological children?


I'm positive they're not his. He's mentioned that they are her kids and they like him a lot.

Still...

I'm with everyone else in this thread. PLEASE consider what people are telling you. You will be miserable. Breaking off the proposal is much easier than getting a divorce after lots of heartache. Let her go. I know it'll be hard, but if she's not 100% happy and elated right now, she'll never be.

[danny317]

if she's not 100% happy and elated right now, she'll never be.

winner winner chicken dinner!!!

[Sooner423]

Let her go. I know it'll be hard, but if she's not 100% happy and elated right now, she'll never be.
Yeah, that's the most concerning thing about all this. Not knowing the people involved personally and just going off of what I've read, I think I agree with the consensus.

[leroy]

I gotta agree with most everyone here. I'm not sure I could have married someone who didn't say yes right away and basically treated it as the most exciting thing in her life. Not only did that not happen for you, she allegedly didn't remember the initial proposal. I have to call bulls*** on that.

In the end, though, you need to make sure for yourself that what you are doing is right for you. If you walk away, you will probably lose her forever. However, that pain will be temporary when you consider what it might be should you get married and it falls apart.

[Realjad]

Thanks a lot everyone. In reality I do know what all these red flags mean, it is just a very tuff situation. I do care for her and she has a lot of growing up to do even though she is the best mother (one of the kids I'm 'Dad' too which she said I treated them differently) One's a boy and one's a girl both in different ages of course I'll treat them differently since ones getting prepared to go to school, I'll love them both in different ways but love them the same.

I know all the warning signs it's just extremely tuff because I do care for her and know she won't find anyone as desired or prepared as I am. Seems she wants her cake and eat it too.

It's crushing, 90 percent says stop and get out but 10 percent says it's a phase and stick by her.

My job with the economy going to **** is secure luckily.. Though I've lost allott of my investments haha :(

[DaDakota]

Wait, so you are thinking about marrying a girl with TWO kids already?

Before you think with your pecker, or her with her vagina, you need to consider what would happen to the kids.

They have been abandoned once, and if either of you is thinking it might not work out it could hurt them worse.

This is a situation that the kids should come first.

DD

[orbb]

Some people learn by advice. others by experience. Still others never learn. I get the feeling this is a train crash in slow mo.

[Realjad]

Wait, so you are thinking about marrying a girl with TWO kids already?

Before you think with your pecker, or her with her vagina, you need to consider what would happen to the kids.

They have been abandoned once, and if either of you is thinking it might not work out it could hurt them worse.

This is a situation that the kids should come first.

DD

Yeah I know, I love them with all my heart. We both enjoyed doing things with them together, I think we spent like 1300 just on clothes this Christmas lol that's not counting the toys. I have a special bond with them both, I don't want them to lose that because I know I want to take care of them.. I know no other guy would look out for them as I would because they have my heart. They don't deserve to lose this family

[Blake]

Do not marry her. Continue to date if you want, but wait a few more YEARS

[Invisible Fan]

Thanks a lot everyone. In reality I do know what all these red flags mean, it is just a very tuff situation. I do care for her and she has a lot of growing up to do even though she is the best mother (one of the kids I'm 'Dad' too which she said I treated them differently) One's a boy and one's a girl both in different ages of course I'll treat them differently since ones getting prepared to go to school, I'll love them both in different ways but love them the same.

I know all the warning signs it's just extremely tuff because I do care for her and know she won't find anyone as desired or prepared as I am. Seems she wants her cake and eat it too.

It's crushing, 90 percent says stop and get out but 10 percent says it's a phase and stick by her.

My job with the economy going to **** is secure luckily.. Though I've lost allott of my investments haha :(

She doesn't sound like the type who enjoys being taken care of. If you try to be Superman and solve all her problems for her, she will grow to resent you. Calling her immature and all that stuff might be true, but are you enabling her or are you accepting her for who she is?

It sounds like you're using this board to vent rather than to listen. I don't blame you, but not getting professional guidance whether from a priest or a marriage counselor is crazy, foolhardy and it reeks of denial from the truths you already know but are unwilling to confront.

[KingCheetah]

...I called her this mourning

EPIC FORESHADOWING

[Jugdish]

I just hope you're tuff enuff.

[danny317]

tough situation w/ the kids... do they know about the proposal?

[dskillz]

Yeah I know, I love them with all my heart. We both enjoyed doing things with them together, I think we spent like 1300 just on clothes this Christmas lol that's not counting the toys. I have a special bond with them both, I don't want them to lose that because I know I want to take care of them.. I know no other guy would look out for them as I would because they have my heart. They don't deserve to lose this family


I know you won't care what anyone is saying. But you are setting yourself up for an epic, epic, epic fall. Armed with this situation I can tell you what is going on. She likes you well enough. You have money, you spend it on the kids, you are always there no matter what she does, no matter if she lies, goes out with guys from work.

She doesn't have to do crap. The entire relationship is you. It is all in your head and you are trying your best to make it a reality. You are bending over backwards to make this work when this doesn't actually exist.

I see this ending badly with her getting with another guy who has self-respect.

[ferrari77]

Unfortunately, most of us have had relationships we stayed in a bit longer than we should've, but simply lacked the perspective to realize it. Or had the ability to walk away knowing that the inevitable void of a failed relationship was waiting for us -- at least temporarily. Most of the time these complicated machinations that we rationalize as simply "mis-communications" or "rough spots" are so much more than that. And I think we sorta know it deep down inside, also. Every time I see these relationship threads, they all seem to read the same way, whether it be (I think) RM95's (?) different situations or those of other posters. Unfortunately these things all tend to end the same way, and it sucks. I hope OP maintains enough clarity so simply make good choices, because life is way too short to live unhappily.


That's brilliant man. I'm in the exact situation you mentioned. Matter of fact I've been in that situation since Super Bowl sunday.( Some of y'all might remember the lovely thread).

Anyway,

the OP sounds loopy to me. Dude, I'd say it's pretty unanimous so far on this thread. Everyone has told you to take back the proposal/cancel the engagement/take a break/dump the lady. I haven't seen such "agreeance" in ages on the forum.

[jlaw718]

That's brilliant man. I'm in the exact situation you mentioned. Matter of fact I've been in that situation since Super Bowl sunday.( Some of y'all might remember the lovely thread).



ferrari77,

I definitely feel for ya, man. I'll have to go back and check out that thread. I think so many of us go through these same situations, but (I know, at least for me) we sorta go through it as if we're in a vacuum. By ourselves. Its like we're so busy dealing with whatever random problem is the most pressing right then -- at that moment -- that it isn't until our hand is somewhat forced (typically meaning it gets so bad that we can't rationalize it any longer) that we can finally step back, take a breath, and look at it through a clearer lens.

I think it was Maya Angelou that said "When people show you who they are, believe them." That's so much easier said than done, though. Then, in between putting out the proverbial daily or weekly fires, we start doing this "subconscious analysis" about our situation. "Could it be my fault this is happening?" "Am I not trying hard enough?" "Am I trying too hard?" We start running the traps trying to make sense of why things seem so topsy-turvy when just ago they were "perfect". And the longer it goes on the more we feel like we're "pot-committed" to the relationship (to use poker term) because we've put in so much time. So, even when we just [I]know that it shouldn't be this hard, we're constantly debating whether this is just one of those "rough patches" that we can look back on and laugh at in twenty years, or are these actually indicators or signs that maybe life has someone else for us that is the right person we're supposed to end up with. Again, there's no easy way through it. I truly hope everything works out in your situation.

[macalu]

I predict that if Realjad calls it off, she will beg him to stay. He will then mistake that plea for "love" and take her back. When in reality, she just feels rejected at the moment.

[leroy]

At the very least, Realjad, don't rush to the alter. Stay engaged for a while. Move back in together. See how things go. There's no hurry to make sure that this is the right thing to do.

[danny317]

At the very least, Realjad, don't rush to the alter. Stay engaged for a while. Move back in together. See how things go. There's no hurry to make sure that this is the right thing to do.

that may make it harder on the kids if it doesnt work out. and from the looks of it, it doesnt seem like its going to work out.

[RocketsPimp]

I know all the warning signs it's just extremely tuff because I do care for her and know she won't find anyone as desired or prepared as I am. Seems she wants her cake and eat it too.

That sentence right there should be all you need to NOT do this.

[LonghornFan]

Seriously, you need to turn in your man card...NOW.

You read like a 14 year old chick going through her first relationship. Grow some nutties, call off this future life wreck and learn how to spell "tough".

[mlwoo]

Seriously, you need to turn in your man card...NOW.

You read like a 14 year old chick going through her first relationship. Grow some nutties, call off this future life wreck and learn how to spell "tough".
Dizam.

Burn Town, Population RealJaad.