Thought you guys might get a laugh from this...it was in today's Sydney Morning Herald. For the overly sensitive...I believe the piece orginated from the London Times, blame the Poms if you don't like it... A big howdy as Texas talk comes to town The White House is not just getting a new team, but a whole new language. George W. Bush will be bringing with him many friends from Texas, and for anyone not born in the Lone Star State the Texan accent and the cowboy colloquialisms can be impenetrable. World leaders need to remember that "you can always tell a Texan, but you can't tell him much". Here is a guide to a few of the more colourful expressions they might encounter: The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving Not over-intelligent As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party Really not very welcome at all Tighter than bark on a tree Not very generous Big hat, no cattle All talk and no action We've howdied but we ain't shook yet We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow. He has a pretty high opinion of himself She's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth That woman can talk It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs We really could use a little rain around here More 'fraid than a long-tail cat in a room full of rockers Somewhat lacking in courage Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly Appearances can be deceptive. This ain't my first rodeo Don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch Not the most handsome of men They ate supper before they said grace Living in sin Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope Stop arguing and do as you're told As full of wind as a corn-eating horse Rather prone to boasting ------------------
I've lived in Texas for nearly 30 years now, and I have yet to hear any Texan use any of those phrases. They are funny, though. Texas Monthly did a special issue a few years back that had a big long list of supposedly Texan sayings. There were a good many funny ones on there, too (and some of them I had actually heard used by Texans). ------------------ Houston Sports Board The Anti-Bud Adams Page
I guesed none of them would be too true Living in Australia...you get REALLY used to hearing people state how we are 'supposed' to speak and act... Anyway...I am off to sleep now. Got to get up early to catch my Kangaroo to work ------------------
Weren't all of these from Ann Richards speech at the Democratic national convention back in 1988? ------------------
I've heard ""Nervous" as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers" many times. My granny used to say it all the time. ------------------
I'll add to the list from my father's repertory (for the most part, they're self-explanatory): "It's raining like a cow pissin' on a flat rock." "It's drier than a popcorn fart." "Sticks out like a diamond in a goat's ass." "You're pissing in the wind." (that is, you're shooting yourself in the foot; that is, the activity you are engaging in will only be to your detriment.) He's got more, but I've never been too good at picking them up. The funny thing about Texan expressions is that, if you don't have the accent, don't bother trying them: you won't be able to pull it off. ------------------ RealGM Rockets Draft Obligations Summary http://www.gaffordstudios.cjb.net/
"slicker than greased hound ****" "let 'er rip, potato chip" "as useless as t*** on a bull" "sweatin like a hoar in sunday service" "higher than giraffe pXXXy" "fXcked up like a snake in a lawnmower" that's just what i've heard this month at work. and that's in addition to some of JV's above. ------------------
A few more: (talking about a bad sports team): They couldn't beat the little sisters of the poor! (Old person) She's two days older than dirt. Colder than a well digger's a$$ Lower than a snake's belly in a tire rut. (heavy rain): turd floater My father-in-law is a well spring of sayings like these. A truer Texan you can't find anywhere! ------------------ Behad Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS
I was thinking they were from Ross Perot infomercials from his 1992 Presidential run. I've heard the Cats and Rocking Chairs one, too, but I heard it on television spoken by a guy pretending to be a Texan. I've never heard a Texan use any of these particular terms. (But then again, I'm from West Texas. Things are actually a bit different back there. Even the accent is different). ------------------ Houston Sports Board The Anti-Bud Adams Page
"Hotter than two rats f*ucking in a wool sock." "Hotter than two pigs f*cking in a burlap sack." "Sweatin' like a w**** in church." ------------------ Hey, I've got a new signature! 302
"I'm gonna beat you like a red-headed step child". (On seeing a beautiful woman) "Man, I'd break her down like a shotgun"! (On stupid people) "The boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball". ------------------ 'Deeds, not words, shall speak me.' [This message has been edited by mc mark (edited December 19, 2000).]
dumber than a box of rocks dumber than an ice cube slicker than owl **** on a doorknob "Did you get some hay for your donkey?" --meaning: did you get laid? (actually, the person I heard that from was born in Oklahoma) She fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. ------------------ stop posting my damn signature
Uglier than a box full of a$$holes She had a face like a smashed crab. (When referring to a golf shot) Run ya ba$tard, run like you stole something! Not Texan by any stretch, just some that I've always thought were funny. ------------------ Maybe all the rulers are wrong. Current Rocket's Salary & Contract Info
(To comment on a woman's butt -- I'm not sure if it's supposed to be insulting or laudatory. To be honest, it seems to me just random and senseless.) Like two piglets fighting in a sack. ------------------ RealGM Rockets Draft Obligations Summary http://www.gaffordstudios.cjb.net/
This sensitive comment was made by Clayton Williams ------------------ 'Deeds, not words, shall speak me.' [This message has been edited by mc mark (edited December 19, 2000).]
"runs like a scalded-as* ape" "she/he wasn't hit with the ugly-stick, but with the 'hole damn tree!" and of course the classic.. "sweatin' like a w**** in church" I've heard the one "about as nervous as a cat in a room fulla rockin' chairs" I've heard oodles more , but I can't remember most of em. ------------------ Give It To Moochie! Sergeant at Arms of the Moochie Norris fan-club
How about this one: "Your breath could knock a buzzard off a $hit-wagon." ------------------ There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." [This message has been edited by HOOP-T (edited December 19, 2000).]
