heypartner
11-09-2000, 12:54 PM
This just in from a friend of mine who lives in West Palm Beach...funny stuff, yet serious.
>I've got some relatives in Palm Beach who are steaming mad. The
>maternal parents
>of my mother in law live in Palm Beach and think they inadvertantly voted for
>Buchannan. The Change in lead from the recount is due to the "missing ballot
>boxes". I hope they find some more of those.
>
>
>Column: To mess up is natural, so revote right in line
>By Frank Cerabino, Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
>Thursday, November 9, 2000
>We need a do-over.
>Excuse me, America. Sorry we have to meet like this. We here in Palm Beach
>County were hoping to take the national stage under better
>circumstances. But we
>have a problem that needs your attention.
>Even if it makes us look, um, silly.
>You see . . . we'd like to vote again for the president.
>I know. I know. This is highly unusual.
>We understand the idea is everybody gets one crack at it.
>But we screwed up on Tuesday. And this, being the land of golf,
>entitles us to a
>mulligan.
>Lost on the election road map
>Here's why. We were confused.
>We often are. We sometimes park cars in swimming pools and get lost
>on the roads
>despite signs with letters big enough to read from the Space Shuttle.
>So it's no wonder that some of the condo vote ended up going to Pat Buchanan.
>We were trying to vote for Al Gore. And I know we should have just
>followed the
>arrow that led from Gore's name on the ballot to the hole we had to punch.
>But we got lost on the way. It happens. We were moving our hand
>across the page,
>and we wandered, punching No. 4 on the ballot instead of No. 5.
>It's a lot like that mistake between the brake and the gas pedals.
>The No. 4 is like the gas, and the No. 5 is like the brake.
>We were trying to hit the brake, and we hit the gas.
>And this time, instead of crashing the strip shopping center, we crashed the
>election for the president of the United States.
>Oops. Sorry.
>Let's back up and try again.
>Buchanan votes could be key
>Not only is the election of the next president on the line. With
>George W. Bush
>and Gore separated by 1,784 votes across the state, changing most of the
>county's 3,407 votes for Buchanan could determine the winner of the election.
>But nearly as important, it's embarrassing to us.
>We don't want to have anything to do with Buchanan, who couldn't get
>hundreds of
>condo votes even if he showed up on Election Day with a
>tractor-trailer full of
>free corned beef sandwiches.
>I know what you're thinking: If the layout of the ballot caused some
>Gore voters
>to choose Buchanan by mistake, maybe it also caused Buchanan voters to choose
>Gore in error.
>Wrong. You don't hear Buchanan people complaining. That's because they didn't
>have trouble voting for their guy. All those Buchanan people have great aim. I
>think it has something to do with the guns.
>They were punching bull's-eyes. And we were voting for a guy with a soft spot
>for Hitler.
>Let's talk consideration
>This can't happen. So here's the deal.
>Hold a retake of the election in Palm Beach County, in which only
>the people who
>voted Tuesday will be eligible to vote again.
>Make it in a couple of weeks.
>That will give the candidates and their campaigns time to come here
>and promise
>us a whole new bunch of things they won't be able to deliver.
>Maybe Palm Beach County seniors can negotiate their own prescription plan with
>the Democrats. The Republicans could cough up Wayne Newton for a
>free concert at
>the Kravis.
>Either party is more than welcome to pay for the bullet train.
>So, come on down.
>We've got lots of things we'd like you to do for us. Boca Raton
>needs a new high
>school. Palm Tran needs covered shelters. And how about a tax break on bingo
>earnings?
>We'll tell the gate guard to let you in. Bring lots of sandwiches.
>And this time when we vote, we promise to pay more attention.
>frank_cerabino@pbpost.com
>
>
>I've got some relatives in Palm Beach who are steaming mad. The
>maternal parents
>of my mother in law live in Palm Beach and think they inadvertantly voted for
>Buchannan. The Change in lead from the recount is due to the "missing ballot
>boxes". I hope they find some more of those.
>
>
>Column: To mess up is natural, so revote right in line
>By Frank Cerabino, Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
>Thursday, November 9, 2000
>We need a do-over.
>Excuse me, America. Sorry we have to meet like this. We here in Palm Beach
>County were hoping to take the national stage under better
>circumstances. But we
>have a problem that needs your attention.
>Even if it makes us look, um, silly.
>You see . . . we'd like to vote again for the president.
>I know. I know. This is highly unusual.
>We understand the idea is everybody gets one crack at it.
>But we screwed up on Tuesday. And this, being the land of golf,
>entitles us to a
>mulligan.
>Lost on the election road map
>Here's why. We were confused.
>We often are. We sometimes park cars in swimming pools and get lost
>on the roads
>despite signs with letters big enough to read from the Space Shuttle.
>So it's no wonder that some of the condo vote ended up going to Pat Buchanan.
>We were trying to vote for Al Gore. And I know we should have just
>followed the
>arrow that led from Gore's name on the ballot to the hole we had to punch.
>But we got lost on the way. It happens. We were moving our hand
>across the page,
>and we wandered, punching No. 4 on the ballot instead of No. 5.
>It's a lot like that mistake between the brake and the gas pedals.
>The No. 4 is like the gas, and the No. 5 is like the brake.
>We were trying to hit the brake, and we hit the gas.
>And this time, instead of crashing the strip shopping center, we crashed the
>election for the president of the United States.
>Oops. Sorry.
>Let's back up and try again.
>Buchanan votes could be key
>Not only is the election of the next president on the line. With
>George W. Bush
>and Gore separated by 1,784 votes across the state, changing most of the
>county's 3,407 votes for Buchanan could determine the winner of the election.
>But nearly as important, it's embarrassing to us.
>We don't want to have anything to do with Buchanan, who couldn't get
>hundreds of
>condo votes even if he showed up on Election Day with a
>tractor-trailer full of
>free corned beef sandwiches.
>I know what you're thinking: If the layout of the ballot caused some
>Gore voters
>to choose Buchanan by mistake, maybe it also caused Buchanan voters to choose
>Gore in error.
>Wrong. You don't hear Buchanan people complaining. That's because they didn't
>have trouble voting for their guy. All those Buchanan people have great aim. I
>think it has something to do with the guns.
>They were punching bull's-eyes. And we were voting for a guy with a soft spot
>for Hitler.
>Let's talk consideration
>This can't happen. So here's the deal.
>Hold a retake of the election in Palm Beach County, in which only
>the people who
>voted Tuesday will be eligible to vote again.
>Make it in a couple of weeks.
>That will give the candidates and their campaigns time to come here
>and promise
>us a whole new bunch of things they won't be able to deliver.
>Maybe Palm Beach County seniors can negotiate their own prescription plan with
>the Democrats. The Republicans could cough up Wayne Newton for a
>free concert at
>the Kravis.
>Either party is more than welcome to pay for the bullet train.
>So, come on down.
>We've got lots of things we'd like you to do for us. Boca Raton
>needs a new high
>school. Palm Tran needs covered shelters. And how about a tax break on bingo
>earnings?
>We'll tell the gate guard to let you in. Bring lots of sandwiches.
>And this time when we vote, we promise to pay more attention.
>frank_cerabino@pbpost.com
>
>