Preston27
10-08-2005, 04:19 AM
Do you guys think Stark wants a job with the Astros? :D
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/playoffs2005/columns/story?columnist=stark_jayson&id=2184064
HOUSTON -- Saturday night, it's That Other Ace's turn.
Andy Pettitte has already done his ace act in this Astros-Braves National League Division Series (Game 1 division). Roger Clemens has already been out there, too, acting not so ace-like (Game 2 division).
But there is, in fact, another ace-y kind of guy who likes to hang around the mound in Houston every five days or so -- a gentleman named Roy Oswalt. And Game 3, it's his turn.
That's not something you'll find those Houston Astros complaining about, either. Possibly because Oswalt has several ace-like credentials that would separate him from your ordinary No. 3 starter this time of year. Such as:
• He's about to become the answer to the following spectacular trivia question: Name the only two active pitchers who have had back-to-back 20-win seasons but have never won a Cy Young Award. OK, time's up. One is Curt Schilling. The other: Oswalt.
• Oswalt also happens to have a lifetime record of 83-39 -- which gives him the third-highest winning percentage (.680) among all active pitchers who have as many decisions as he has. The only two ahead of him: Pedro Martinez (.701) and Tim Hudson (.688).
• Finally, Oswalt would be the answer to one more trivia stumper: Name the only pitcher in baseball who has reached double figures in wins and had an ERA under 3.50 in every one of the last five seasons.
So running a guy like that out there to start Game 3 of a best-of-five series when each team has a win apiece? Those Astros have heard many, many worse ideas than that (such as putting a big hill, with a flagpole on it, in fair territory, for instance).
"I think that's why, all season long, everyone kept saying that, despite the fact it took us all year to come back and win the wild card, if we ever got to the postseason, we'd have a great chance," said catcher Brad Ausmus. "Because the (Nos.) 1, 2 and 3 starters in our rotation are as good as anybody's No. 1."
Exactly. But it's a funny thing about those three No. 1 starters. For some reason, that Oswalt guy isn't quite the national, international, galaxial or even local man of fame, fortune or hero worship that his two fellow aces are. And we can even support that bold statement with some actual evidence (for a change).
We present that evidence in the form of a little poll we conducted among Oswalt's own teammates, in the Astros' very own clubhouse.
Poll Question No. 1 (to Ausmus)
If we asked 1,000 Americans to identify the only pitcher in baseball who has won 20 games in each of the last two seasons, how many would know the correct answer is Roy Oswalt?
"Well," Ausmus replied, "that would depend on whether anyone on our team was among the 1,000 Americans."
Not surprisingly, that not-100-percent-serious response prompted the official followup to poll question No. 1:
All right, then, suppose no one on the Astros was among the 1,000 Americans?
"Oh," Ausmus said. "Then none."
Good answer. And with that portion of the polling complete, we moved on to ...
Poll Question No. 2 (to Morgan Ensberg)
If Roy Oswalt walked down Madison Avenue in New York City, from one end to the other, how many people would recognize him?
"Nobody," Ensberg retorted, after approximately one-eighth of a second's thought. "Nobody would have any clue. People have no idea who Roy is -- as long as he isn't coming out of the team hotel. Those people who hang around there know who everybody is. But that would be it. ...
"In fact," Ensberg decided, turning toward his trusty media interrogator, a brainstorm suddenly striking, "I bet you wouldn't recognize him."
We protested immediately, obviously. Of course, we would recognize him, we said.
"I don't know," Ensberg insisted. "You really think, if you were in New York in, like, January, and Roy was walking along the street, you'd say, immediately, 'That's Roy Oswalt'? I bet you wouldn't -- if it was the middle of winter and you didn't know he was in town."
We tried to dig in on this. After all, it wouldn't look really good for a trained media professional to claim he wouldn't recognize one of the best pitchers alive in just about any setting. But eventually, Ensberg wore us down.
New York City? Dead of winter? With 298,000 people walking down that block at the same time? We could miss him. Sure we could.
So, with that debate victory for Ensberg finally in the books, we turned to ...
Poll Question No. 3 (also to Ensberg)
Suppose Roy Oswalt were walking down Texas Street in Houston, right outside his own ballpark? How many Houstonians would even know him?
"Well," Ensberg said, "I think a handful of people would know him -- but that's all. We live in a football town, you know. Now that's OK. I'm not bitter about it or anything. It's fine. But this is a football town. High school football is huge around here. That's just how it is.
"So what we need to do for Roy," Ensberg laughed, "is go back and see if we can find an alternative birth certificate and see if we can get him into a local high school so he can play some quarterback. They'd know him then."
That, however, would be illegal and unethical. Plus, it wouldn't help us make our point. So we turned our attention to ...
Poll Question No. 4 (to Jeff Bagwell)
If Roy Oswalt were eating lunch in a restaurant with Curt Schilling, and then the other people in the restaurant caught on and rushed the table for autographs, would any of them realize that second guy at the table was Oswalt?
"Nooooo," Bagwell said. "Of course they wouldn't. Unless the restaurant was in Houston. Then maybe some of them would. But anywhere else? They wouldn't. They'd know Schilling, because everybody knows Schilling. But they wouldn't know Roy.
"Tell you what, though," Bagwell said. "Ask anybody in the National League who Roy Oswalt is. They'll tell you exactly who he is. Ask the hitters. I guarantee you, when they read that little thing in the paper that says Oswalt is pitching that night, they're not too pleased. Ask any of them. Ask the Braves."
Hey, excellent idea. So we had ourselves an unanticipated ...
Poll Question No. 5 (to Atlanta's Chipper Jones)
When you read that little thing in the paper that says Roy Oswalt is pitching against you, Jeff Bagwell says you're not pleased. So how pleased are you?
"Not," Jones said. "Not pleased at all. He's right about that. If we saw that little thing in the paper, nobody in our clubhouse would be eager to see we're facing him. I'll tell you that."
Well, unfortunately for them, they have to face him anyway Saturday (when he'll oppose Atlanta's own secret weapon, Jorge Sosa). On national TV. In high-definition. In prime time, even.
So if Oswalt just keeps on doing his thing -- firing those five unhittable pitches of his up there at speeds ranging from 65 to 95 miles per hour -- then who knows what might transpire? His whole world could change.
And then maybe three of those thousand people would know his name, if not his face. You can bet Oswalt would sure be excited about that, right?
Uh, wrong.
"I like [Clemens and Pettitte] to get all the recognition, myself," Oswalt admitted. "I don't like to be the guy that, I guess you'd say, stands out. I like kind of sneaking up on guys instead of being out front."
And just in case he was saying that only because the cameras were rolling and playing it humble felt like the right strategy, we checked to see if he meant it.
"He really doesn't care," Bagwell reported. "He's certainly not out there looking for media attention. He'd rather be home -- sleeping."
Well, in our experience, there's no harder way to attract media attention than if you're always home sleeping. So maybe this guy really is as quiet and humble as he sounds.
But we need to warn him: There is no worse way to avoid the national radar screen than heading for the mound under the bright lights of October and winning a bunch of monstrous baseball games, with the whole planet watching.
So while we've firmly established, through our extensive and scientific polling, that Oswalt is clearly the least-known great pitcher of his time, that's an honor he's in serious danger of forfeiting -- possibly, in fact, any minute now.
Jayson Stark is a senior writer for ESPN.com.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/playoffs2005/columns/story?columnist=stark_jayson&id=2184064
HOUSTON -- Saturday night, it's That Other Ace's turn.
Andy Pettitte has already done his ace act in this Astros-Braves National League Division Series (Game 1 division). Roger Clemens has already been out there, too, acting not so ace-like (Game 2 division).
But there is, in fact, another ace-y kind of guy who likes to hang around the mound in Houston every five days or so -- a gentleman named Roy Oswalt. And Game 3, it's his turn.
That's not something you'll find those Houston Astros complaining about, either. Possibly because Oswalt has several ace-like credentials that would separate him from your ordinary No. 3 starter this time of year. Such as:
• He's about to become the answer to the following spectacular trivia question: Name the only two active pitchers who have had back-to-back 20-win seasons but have never won a Cy Young Award. OK, time's up. One is Curt Schilling. The other: Oswalt.
• Oswalt also happens to have a lifetime record of 83-39 -- which gives him the third-highest winning percentage (.680) among all active pitchers who have as many decisions as he has. The only two ahead of him: Pedro Martinez (.701) and Tim Hudson (.688).
• Finally, Oswalt would be the answer to one more trivia stumper: Name the only pitcher in baseball who has reached double figures in wins and had an ERA under 3.50 in every one of the last five seasons.
So running a guy like that out there to start Game 3 of a best-of-five series when each team has a win apiece? Those Astros have heard many, many worse ideas than that (such as putting a big hill, with a flagpole on it, in fair territory, for instance).
"I think that's why, all season long, everyone kept saying that, despite the fact it took us all year to come back and win the wild card, if we ever got to the postseason, we'd have a great chance," said catcher Brad Ausmus. "Because the (Nos.) 1, 2 and 3 starters in our rotation are as good as anybody's No. 1."
Exactly. But it's a funny thing about those three No. 1 starters. For some reason, that Oswalt guy isn't quite the national, international, galaxial or even local man of fame, fortune or hero worship that his two fellow aces are. And we can even support that bold statement with some actual evidence (for a change).
We present that evidence in the form of a little poll we conducted among Oswalt's own teammates, in the Astros' very own clubhouse.
Poll Question No. 1 (to Ausmus)
If we asked 1,000 Americans to identify the only pitcher in baseball who has won 20 games in each of the last two seasons, how many would know the correct answer is Roy Oswalt?
"Well," Ausmus replied, "that would depend on whether anyone on our team was among the 1,000 Americans."
Not surprisingly, that not-100-percent-serious response prompted the official followup to poll question No. 1:
All right, then, suppose no one on the Astros was among the 1,000 Americans?
"Oh," Ausmus said. "Then none."
Good answer. And with that portion of the polling complete, we moved on to ...
Poll Question No. 2 (to Morgan Ensberg)
If Roy Oswalt walked down Madison Avenue in New York City, from one end to the other, how many people would recognize him?
"Nobody," Ensberg retorted, after approximately one-eighth of a second's thought. "Nobody would have any clue. People have no idea who Roy is -- as long as he isn't coming out of the team hotel. Those people who hang around there know who everybody is. But that would be it. ...
"In fact," Ensberg decided, turning toward his trusty media interrogator, a brainstorm suddenly striking, "I bet you wouldn't recognize him."
We protested immediately, obviously. Of course, we would recognize him, we said.
"I don't know," Ensberg insisted. "You really think, if you were in New York in, like, January, and Roy was walking along the street, you'd say, immediately, 'That's Roy Oswalt'? I bet you wouldn't -- if it was the middle of winter and you didn't know he was in town."
We tried to dig in on this. After all, it wouldn't look really good for a trained media professional to claim he wouldn't recognize one of the best pitchers alive in just about any setting. But eventually, Ensberg wore us down.
New York City? Dead of winter? With 298,000 people walking down that block at the same time? We could miss him. Sure we could.
So, with that debate victory for Ensberg finally in the books, we turned to ...
Poll Question No. 3 (also to Ensberg)
Suppose Roy Oswalt were walking down Texas Street in Houston, right outside his own ballpark? How many Houstonians would even know him?
"Well," Ensberg said, "I think a handful of people would know him -- but that's all. We live in a football town, you know. Now that's OK. I'm not bitter about it or anything. It's fine. But this is a football town. High school football is huge around here. That's just how it is.
"So what we need to do for Roy," Ensberg laughed, "is go back and see if we can find an alternative birth certificate and see if we can get him into a local high school so he can play some quarterback. They'd know him then."
That, however, would be illegal and unethical. Plus, it wouldn't help us make our point. So we turned our attention to ...
Poll Question No. 4 (to Jeff Bagwell)
If Roy Oswalt were eating lunch in a restaurant with Curt Schilling, and then the other people in the restaurant caught on and rushed the table for autographs, would any of them realize that second guy at the table was Oswalt?
"Nooooo," Bagwell said. "Of course they wouldn't. Unless the restaurant was in Houston. Then maybe some of them would. But anywhere else? They wouldn't. They'd know Schilling, because everybody knows Schilling. But they wouldn't know Roy.
"Tell you what, though," Bagwell said. "Ask anybody in the National League who Roy Oswalt is. They'll tell you exactly who he is. Ask the hitters. I guarantee you, when they read that little thing in the paper that says Oswalt is pitching that night, they're not too pleased. Ask any of them. Ask the Braves."
Hey, excellent idea. So we had ourselves an unanticipated ...
Poll Question No. 5 (to Atlanta's Chipper Jones)
When you read that little thing in the paper that says Roy Oswalt is pitching against you, Jeff Bagwell says you're not pleased. So how pleased are you?
"Not," Jones said. "Not pleased at all. He's right about that. If we saw that little thing in the paper, nobody in our clubhouse would be eager to see we're facing him. I'll tell you that."
Well, unfortunately for them, they have to face him anyway Saturday (when he'll oppose Atlanta's own secret weapon, Jorge Sosa). On national TV. In high-definition. In prime time, even.
So if Oswalt just keeps on doing his thing -- firing those five unhittable pitches of his up there at speeds ranging from 65 to 95 miles per hour -- then who knows what might transpire? His whole world could change.
And then maybe three of those thousand people would know his name, if not his face. You can bet Oswalt would sure be excited about that, right?
Uh, wrong.
"I like [Clemens and Pettitte] to get all the recognition, myself," Oswalt admitted. "I don't like to be the guy that, I guess you'd say, stands out. I like kind of sneaking up on guys instead of being out front."
And just in case he was saying that only because the cameras were rolling and playing it humble felt like the right strategy, we checked to see if he meant it.
"He really doesn't care," Bagwell reported. "He's certainly not out there looking for media attention. He'd rather be home -- sleeping."
Well, in our experience, there's no harder way to attract media attention than if you're always home sleeping. So maybe this guy really is as quiet and humble as he sounds.
But we need to warn him: There is no worse way to avoid the national radar screen than heading for the mound under the bright lights of October and winning a bunch of monstrous baseball games, with the whole planet watching.
So while we've firmly established, through our extensive and scientific polling, that Oswalt is clearly the least-known great pitcher of his time, that's an honor he's in serious danger of forfeiting -- possibly, in fact, any minute now.
Jayson Stark is a senior writer for ESPN.com.